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Over 47? Have you gone through midlife transformation?

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Re: Over 47? Have you gone through midlife transformation?

#21

Post by bruce511 »

A mid-life crisis happens when you reach your goals.

When we are young we strive for success. We go to college, get a job, climb the career ladder. Ostensibly we do it to afford fancy houses, cars, motorbikes or whatever, but we can't afford those things so we strive for success.

Then one day we achieve the goal. We have a wife, kids, house, car - we're earning well, and have cash left over. We are, objectively, successful. We have reached the goal.

But we discover we're not satisfied. Hence the crisis. Some get a new wife. Some buy the toys they always wanted. But that also doesn't satisfy, the glow wears off, and we're back to searching.

At this point the goals shift from success to significance. You want to leave a mark, to impact the lives of others. Maybe mentoring. Maybe uplifting others. Maybe charity. Maybe volunteering. And so on.

Sadly, of course, there are those who don't progress. Some chase "success" forever, alienating people along the way. For some no measure of success is enough.

Some find contentment early - a balance between relationships and work. They tend to miss the "crisis" since their path switched from "success" to "significance" early.

In the long run people satisfy more than things.

Re: Over 47? Have you gone through midlife transformation?

#22

Post by impendia »

I'm 46, and I've gone through something of a midlife crisis recently (and things are getting better now!)

When I was a kid, I was constantly being told how much much "potential" I had. I have accomplished a lot, and when I was in my twenties and thirties it was easy to imagine that all the things I hadn't accomplished yet were still ahead of me.

Now, I've been faced with a reckoning: for sure, many great things still lie ahead, but I won't be able to achieve all of my aspirations.

One thing that worked for me: seek professional help. I sought out a therapist and am still working with her. When I developed insomnia, I tried pretty much everything (medication, CBT, sleep study etc.) until I eventually found a medication that worked. This took years, but things are better now.

Also, avoid the "sunk cost" fallacy. For years I practiced at a yoga studio which was excellent, but the vibe was a little bit off for me and I wasn't enjoying myself. I just sucked it up and kept going. But after Covid I decided to try something different, and ended up finding group fitness classes which I love.

Good luck!

Re: Over 47? Have you gone through midlife transformation?

#23

Post by solardev »

impendia wrote: post #22

I'm 46, and I've gone through something of a midlife crisis recently (and things are getting better now!) When I was a kid, I was constantly being told how much much "potential" I had. I have accomplished a lot, and when I was in my twenties and thirties it was easy to imagine that all the things I hadn't accomplished yet were still ahead of me. Now, I've been faced with a reckoning: for sure, many great things still…

Just curious, what kinds of group fitness did you end up enjoying? Asking as someone who formerly spent a few years doing yoga too.

Re: Over 47? Have you gone through midlife transformation?

#24

Post by solardev »

bruce511 wrote: post #21

A mid-life crisis happens when you reach your goals. When we are young we strive for success. We go to college, get a job, climb the career ladder. Ostensibly we do it to afford fancy houses, cars, motorbikes or whatever, but we can't afford those things so we strive for success. Then one day we achieve the goal. We have a wife, kids, house, car - we're earning well, and have cash left over. We are, objectively, succ…

Well said.

Re: Over 47? Have you gone through midlife transformation?

#25

Post by solardev »

jazzcomputer wrote: post #6

I had my midlife crisis as a student in Cornwall, listening to Pink Floyd's Wish you were here, in the bath. It lasted about 45 mins.

Somehow, "one lost soul swimming in a fish bowl for almost an hour" doesn't quite have the same ring to it...

Re: Over 47? Have you gone through midlife transformation?

#27

Post by sceptical »

At 49 I retired and spent the following years travelling. I did not really see it as a midlife crisis though as it was based on hitting a specific net worth. Now 3 years later I just completed my first marathon. I guess that is text book midlife crisis.

Never been healthier. Never been happier.

Re: Over 47? Have you gone through midlife transformation?

#28

Post by deanmoriarty »

I am going through it right now at 38. I am the unhappiest I have ever been.

It all stems from being fundamentally so unhappy with work. I have changed 3 employers over the past 4 years and I’ve been more and more depressed with each transition. I spend my life in a state of immense disappointment about having to work. I am not even passionate about software anymore, so it’s not only the corporate madness (meetings, offices, coworkers, bosses, pressure to perform, code reviewers, etc). My weekends are filled with anxiety about Mondays. Everywhere I go I just cannot stand the pressure to perform and the massive time investment.

I haven’t quit yet (despite likely affording to do so on a financial basis) because I’m a coward who would never forgive himself for having quit such a high paying job, and prefer to instead every day destroy my mental health at yet another workplace, hoping that it will be the day I will be fired or laid off, so that the decision would be taken for me.

Professional mental health has been useless, I know what I need to do, just quit.

Re: Over 47? Have you gone through midlife transformation?

#30

Post by bdangubic »

markus_zhang wrote: post #29

To younger people reading this post: if you don't know what you want in life, make more money. Set a FU money target and go for it. Use whatever legal means.

this is a surefire way to have a monster midlife crisis. chasing money will all but ensure you don’t spend much time enjoying your life and come 40’s/50’s you’ll realize you can’t get burried with a pile of cash and possessions you made and midlife crisis will hit you like a truck.

to younger people - do the exact opposite of this. do as much shit before you hit 40/50, travel as much as you can, love as much as you can… money will come and go, your 20s/30s will never come again

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