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The Surreal Magnificence of Fatherhood

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Re: The Surreal Magnificence of Fatherhood

#21

Post by orzig »

tafka wrote: post #11
mr_mitm wrote: post #9

Is it like this for everyone? I sometimes wonder how large the number of cases is where the parent does not feel like that at all but refrains from sharing it due to societal expectations and fear of being judged. It would introduce a bias regarding these stories.

No. I for one am probably heading down the divorce path that the article speaks of (14mo child)

There are ways to throw money at the stress you are feeling, which will still be cheaper than divorce. Children can get much easier as they mature, which might give you space to work through your marriage even if it feels impossible now.

I was deeply burned out at the 14 mark with my first child. I did lots of things since then and am much better even after more children.

Re: The Surreal Magnificence of Fatherhood

#22

Post by mattgreenrocks »

dannyfreeman wrote: post #4

What a beautiful post. I've always had a difficult time explaining how having a child has fundamentally changed who I am to people who don't have kids. This captures some of that well. Thank you for sharing!!

It’s difficult to relate even to parents. But some days honestly feel like Christmas did when I was a kid, with all the potentiality. And the bad days have a sense of endless responsibility that can feel overwhelming.

My life in my 20s had too little meaning. Now, in my 40s, sometimes it feels like too much. I much prefer it to how it used to be, though.

Re: The Surreal Magnificence of Fatherhood

#23

Post by lwhalen »

nickpsecurity wrote: post #2

That was a great article. It highlights many things I routinely hear in church about how God works through families. They and the books we read talk about how children are a gift that humbles us, starts transforming our character, and teaches us a lot. God uses children in big ways. Recently, we’ve been reading Disciplines of a Godly Man by R. Kent Hughes. Today we’re to discuss the chapter on Fatherhood. I was happy…

[flagged]

Re: The Surreal Magnificence of Fatherhood

#24

Post by mattgreenrocks »

nazghoul wrote: post #3

Good read. I really liked the line about soliciting advice from second time parents. Also: “We all came out like this. This is how it has always happened. Insane.“ … I was a C-section :P

Pet peeve: parents you meet in passing warning me that $THEIR_KIDS_AGE is actually the hardest age to parent after asking how old my son is. :)

Nobody said it was going to be easy. They’re just venting after all. I just smile and nod.

Re: The Surreal Magnificence of Fatherhood

#25

Post by erulabs »

Nice post, new babies are really magical. There are so many more transformations coming! Now that I have two, one of them coming up on age 4, so many new things make sense. You don’t immediately get the sense of the father/son discipline dynamic when they’re infants. You watch someone go from “perfect” to perfectly human. A little angel to a little man. The first time your child hurts someone: that’s when fatherhood shifts into gear.

> And after a few minutes passed I started to...think

Gosh I miss the first-baby newborn phase! Thinking time is dramatically cut in little-kid phase; but hey, tricycles and legos and Playdough!

You’re in it now friend! Keep writing and hang in there, it’s a life-long occupation!

Re: The Surreal Magnificence of Fatherhood

#27

Post by ariwilson »

A_D_E_P_T wrote: post #12
mr_mitm wrote: post #9

Is it like this for everyone? I sometimes wonder how large the number of cases is where the parent does not feel like that at all but refrains from sharing it due to societal expectations and fear of being judged. It would introduce a bias regarding these stories.

It's certainly not. To speak plainly, I wasn't terribly interested in my son until he turned 3 years old. Then he started talking, started developing a personality with interests of his own, and fatherhood then became much more interesting. But I was intentionally quite uninvolved in those very early years. I don't regret this, don't see how else it could have been, and indeed I feel that some degree of fatherly aloo…

I feel sorry for the mother or whoever was taking care of your child for the first 3 years.

Someone has to guide the small children towards being functional human beings and it's a lot of work. I found they have interesting personalities and ways of expressing themselves by 1 at the latest.

Re: The Surreal Magnificence of Fatherhood

#28

Post by mistermann »

lwhalen wrote: post #23
nickpsecurity wrote: post #2

That was a great article. It highlights many things I routinely hear in church about how God works through families. They and the books we read talk about how children are a gift that humbles us, starts transforming our character, and teaches us a lot. God uses children in big ways. Recently, we’ve been reading Disciplines of a Godly Man by R. Kent Hughes. Today we’re to discuss the chapter on Fatherhood. I was happy…

[flagged]

There is substantial irony in your comment fyi.

Re: The Surreal Magnificence of Fatherhood

#29

Post by 627467 »

mr_mitm wrote: post #9

Is it like this for everyone? I sometimes wonder how large the number of cases is where the parent does not feel like that at all but refrains from sharing it due to societal expectations and fear of being judged. It would introduce a bias regarding these stories.

> is it like this for everyone

The answer is certainly "no". But does it matter? I guess it does in this age - after decades of social conditioning that parenthood is not much but an individual's lifestyle choice.

All this leading to worsening of social cohesion at all levels, inability to think beyond one's lifetime, extreme self-absorption, decrease in hope, demographic collapse across the world.

Not for nothing humans developed social pressure for parenthood: why would most humans willingly choose to give up their selfs for others over decades (if not lifetime)? Even laws/sanctions don't work if you don't morally know what is the right path.

Re: The Surreal Magnificence of Fatherhood

#30

Post by youoy »

mattgreenrocks wrote: post #15
mr_mitm wrote: post #9

Is it like this for everyone? I sometimes wonder how large the number of cases is where the parent does not feel like that at all but refrains from sharing it due to societal expectations and fear of being judged. It would introduce a bias regarding these stories.

Took me about 2-3 years to find my groove as a father. Later I found out that post-partum depression is a real thing that fathers can go through. I went through all the stages of grief for my old life that I’d grown too attached to. Only when I’d gone through that could I actually open up to accept a newer, bigger life. My son is 7 now. I love him dearly and am so grateful that I can be a father to him.

I unexpectedly went through that when my second kid was born. I somehow felt that my first kid grew up suddenly and I was not able to say goodbye to the little boy that he was while a single kid.
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