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Bits of Advice for 30 Years

arne.me

21–30 of 57 posts

Re: Bits of Advice for 30 Years

#22

Great list! I'm in my 50s and all of this resonates with me but when I was 30 I was missing a few. My top one at this point is "Help others succeed, and they’ll help you succeed in the long term." As I'm reaching the end of my career I can say that this behavior has been a winner 100% of the time.

Also along these lines, "Remember that there are people out there eager to help others." Early in my career I was afraid everyone was too busy to help, or too important to bother. Some surely were. But many people I thought were unapproachable were so enthusiastic to help and excited about sharing and taking about their work, and making opportunities with someone who wanted to learn. Now when I can I try to pay that forward. I don't think I've ever been in a position to pay back someone who helped me, but it's made me more grateful and generous.

Re: Bits of Advice for 30 Years

#24
Some of this stuff isn't really insightful.

> It’s only awkward if you make it awkward.

Or THEY make it awkward.

> Don’t make your problems other people’s problems.

Well, yea... Also don't attack other people, and don't steal from other people, ...

> Help others succeed, and they’ll help you succeed in the long term.

Hard no. Many will take advantage of your time and advice, and never return the favor. Choose wisely who you help succeed.

> Don’t let your expenses rise as fast as your income.

Once again, very generic. Don't spend more than you make.

On the other hand, some of this stuff is actually never mentioned but useful

> Keep a brag document

> Under-promise and over-deliver.

Re: Bits of Advice for 30 Years

#25
> It’s only awkward if you make it awkward.

Not completely true.. recognition of awkwardness also signals people that you're socially conscious to understand an action was not appropriate/good. The right thing to do in an awkward situation.. has no easy rules to write down really.

> Keep a can-do mindset.

> Don’t get discouraged because of existing work. Instead, try to find ways to put your own spin on it.

> Always do extra.

> Surround yourself with people who are passionate about their work.

Seems like work is important to him. If it were my list, I'd add: "Don't make your work your life unless you're really sure this is what you want."

edit: also regarding

> Always do extra.

Which he explains as:

> One thing I've noticed over the years is that there is at least one thing that seems to be common to every good, veteran programmer I know. They all follow the same deliberate and dare-I-say selfish rule to how they approach their time: Always do Extra.

I think it's mostly the fact that after you've ran around the same barn enough times, you know what whistles and chimes to hang up after you're done building it. So it looks like you "did extra" but it's really just random stuff you've picked up over the years that you can do easily but is somewhat impressive looking. Still a good tip but I'd say it's less about motivation and just.. how it works.

edit2:

> Think of yourself as the person you want to be, not the person you are.

For motivation, sure. It's very important to know your own faults, insecurities, weaknesses etc. since knowing when you're wrong is just as important as knowing when you're right. Sometimes more.

Re: Bits of Advice for 30 Years

#26
post #6

Dude is 30 and thinks he is in a position to give out life advice... I'm 37 and nothing is figured out. Maybe wait another 30 years.

Of course you can be 30 and give advice. Is there a rule where you have to be a certain age to give advice?

Even if you're 10 years old, you are allowed to write on the Internet and no need to police yourself with arbitrarily "waiting".

Also an argument extrapolated on your own experience of 37 that nothing is figured out is not very good argument against when you can or cannot say something.

Re: Bits of Advice for 30 Years

#28
post #6

Dude is 30 and thinks he is in a position to give out life advice... I'm 37 and nothing is figured out. Maybe wait another 30 years.

Just as Olaf the snowman sings in Frozen II, "This will all make sense when I am older ... 'Cause when you're older absolutely everything makes sense"

Re: Bits of Advice for 30 Years

#29
post #13

> always do extra What do I get by doing that?

Did you follow the link in the footnote? [0] I thought it made the case for doing extra quite convincingly.

The gist of the argument is that it's worth spending some small proportion of your work time on exploratory work that might or might not pay off, as opposed to doing more "normal" work (another sprint task or whatever).

For me it described pretty well what I'd already been doing subconsciously for some time. I thought it was interesting to see it framed that way.

[0] https://www.bennorthrop.com/Essays/2021/always-do-extra.php

Re: Bits of Advice for 30 Years

#30
I think in my 20s, I intellectually knew every piece of good advice I would send back in time now that I'm in my mid 40s, because I'd read it on lists like these, or in books, movies, etc.

The difference is that I could not put it into practice at the time, maybe because I lacked sufficient experience.

For example, I've always known in theory that nobody is paying as much attention to what you think is most embarrassing about yourself, because they are too busy being embarrassed about whatever they think they're doing wrong. I knew that, but it didn't matter, I was still self conscious.

Now, I've just done so many reps of fucking up in public and seeing the almost total lack of ramifications, or the swift passage of those ramifications from my world, that I actually believe that advice at a core level, it can actually affect my behavior and make me content. I guess it's the difference between knowing and grokking. And, to be sure, I would have been embarrassed to use the word grok in my 20s.

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