‘Friends’ and ‘Seinfeld’ knew the cure for loneliness

You don't need to spend all your time somewhere for it to become a decent third space. You just need to go regularly, at a similar enough time that you start building rapport with the people who also go at the same time. If you go to the gym or bar for an hour or two after work every weekday, for example, you'll quickly notice that the same people are there with you. Interact with them enough, and these people form the outer ring of your social life.

Then you need to have explicitly social gatherings. For example, I've got a biweekly game night that an old friend and I alternate hosting. We invite our friends and the occasional acquaintance from our outer rings, and some start coming regularly. Typically somewhere between 4 and 10 people show up, BYOB, and we play some board games into the odd hours. Often random subsets of the group will grab dinner together before hand.

Then you have your close friend maintenance regimen. People you're not seeing regularly anymore in the context you used to (whether it was school, and old workplace, etc), but that you want to maintain a relationship with. If you spend at least 1 weekend night a week grabbing dinner and some drinks with one of these people, you'll be able to maintain your relationships with up to a half dozen or so people (in addition to the ones that are in your more active group).

Mix in some larger gatherings/parties a couple times a year, and you've set yourself up a healthy social life.

I get out of NYC plenty!

I’m not saying mid-sized towns have no amenities. I’m saying the sheer density of NYC provides many more opportunities. If you’re claiming that even mid sized towns have dozens of museums accessible by public transit… they do not.

But to provide more context to my original comment about serendipitous connections: the default path for many people living in NYC is not to move to a mid-sized town (fewer job opportunities, for one), it’s to move to the suburbs. Out in the burbs (where I’ve spent more time than I ever care to) you’re driving absolutely everywhere and people are scattered all over the place. That is what I don’t want.

Ideally, you'd have a bit of both. A large open space is needed for a lot of sports and hobbies. In cities I see a lot more parks that are nothing more than a bit of run down looking playground equipment and a couple benches than large open fields.

The parks with more amenities tend to have things like fenced off areas, nets and marked courts for ball sports, bright overhead lights, buildings, and actual parking lots. Busy outdoor entertainment centers are nice, but open green space is important too.

I don't know if you need a third place. Home will do fine, just invite people to hang out to watch sports games, movies, BBQ, whatever. I lived separately, but I had a few friends living together and it was an open door policy like Seinfeld and Friends... just walk in.

Another point is a lot of my friends, who have trouble meeting other friends, don't have hobbies. During the summer, I say "I'm going hiking every weekend this summer, whoever wants to come can join". If no one else goes, that's fine my dog still has an awesome time. Sure enough, friends show up, sometimes with their coworkers or their hair barber. These friends are closer than the beer, coffee crowd because we already have the hobby in common.

EDIT: the main commonality between the open door policy and hiking example is consistency. Any time not busy, people will just default gravitate to the house or hiking meetup.

> Well you talked about having ice cream and going to parks

That's two of the things I mentioned, yes. I also mentioned museums and other amenities which are also "third places", as discussed in the article.