This is great. Usually with the joke programming languages, you can get at least one person arguing that "x feature" really isn't all that bad, or could maybe be useful. DreamBerd beats them all in that regard. It is 100% terrible! I lost it at the lifetimes implementation.
This feature is not so bad:
> In case you really need to vary a variable, the when keyword lets you check a variable each time it mutates.
const var health = 10!
when (health = 0) {
print("You lose")!
}
const var i = 10
when (i >= 0) {
do_something()
i = i - 1
}