Hacker News Board Hacker News, browsed like a classic message board
Live data from Hacker News

The Never Married, a New Normal

psychologytoday.com

Post reply on HN
Print view View original

21–30 of 450 posts

Re: The Never Married, a New Normal

#21

Post by [deleted] »

0xB31B1B wrote: post #13
jitl wrote: post #10

My partner and I have been together for 7 years, we bought a house together, haven’t found a compelling reason to get married. Marriage is a complex and binding contract that for two high earners is a tax disadvantage. The most prominent benefits I’ve learned are some situations around visitation rights, and avoiding being compelled to testify against your spouse. It comes from a very dubious history of the husband e…

Married people report significantly higher levels of happiness/life satisfaction in the middle and later stages of life than non married people. This is a durable finding across many studies.

[deleted]

Re: The Never Married, a New Normal

#23

Post by jitl »

mindvirus wrote: post #5

Marriage is a tough proposition in the west these days. The cost of childcare has never been higher, both in terms of dollars and opportunity cost, not to mention housing. Of course there are other benefits to getting married, but without the goal of family feeling attainable to many, a major driver for marriage is gone.

Why is marriage is a prerequisite to children? As far as I can tell, being unmarried or even single doesn’t prevent pregnancy.

Re: The Never Married, a New Normal

#25

Post by paulryanrogers »

kitsunesoba wrote: post #11
mindvirus wrote: post #5

Marriage is a tough proposition in the west these days. The cost of childcare has never been higher, both in terms of dollars and opportunity cost, not to mention housing. Of course there are other benefits to getting married, but without the goal of family feeling attainable to many, a major driver for marriage is gone.

It's because of all of this that I've for many years felt a need to have all my ducks in a row before even considering dating with the intention of starting a serious long-term relationship, let alone getting married. No judgement towards anybody with different feelings — everybody's situations differ — but I'd feel like I was irresponsibly leading on the partner in question if I weren't financially reasonably prepar…

In general I'd agree, yet now that I married later and had kids later I think I waited too long. Emotional maturity can come with age and yet some younger folks with more experience or better mentors were years ahead of me.

Sometimes I wish there were pre-child counseling focused on helping parents strategize before they're pregnant -- or at least before children are born.

Regardless, folks need to do the math, especially if considering having many kids. And still consider their bodies aren't getting any younger or lives and longer.

Re: The Never Married, a New Normal

#26

Post by Kye »

jitl wrote: post #16
0xB31B1B wrote: post #13

Earlier quoted context omitted.

Married people report significantly higher levels of happiness/life satisfaction in the middle and later stages of life than non married people. This is a durable finding across many studies.

Is it the marriage contract that brings the happiness? Or is it a lifelong relationship with someone they love? Do such studies have a reporting group for “we’ve been together 40 years but didn’t get married”?

I would definitely like to see those studies broken down by how happy the marriages are. Somehow I doubt it's accurate for married couples who are constantly at each others' throats.

Re: The Never Married, a New Normal

#27

Post by thx-2718 »

0xB31B1B wrote: post #13
jitl wrote: post #10

My partner and I have been together for 7 years, we bought a house together, haven’t found a compelling reason to get married. Marriage is a complex and binding contract that for two high earners is a tax disadvantage. The most prominent benefits I’ve learned are some situations around visitation rights, and avoiding being compelled to testify against your spouse. It comes from a very dubious history of the husband e…

Married people report significantly higher levels of happiness/life satisfaction in the middle and later stages of life than non married people. This is a durable finding across many studies.

Wouldn't that be selection bias?

Presumably Married people at that stage are there because they work together not because there's just someone else there.

Re: The Never Married, a New Normal

#28

Post by gonzo41 »

jitl wrote: post #10

My partner and I have been together for 7 years, we bought a house together, haven’t found a compelling reason to get married. Marriage is a complex and binding contract that for two high earners is a tax disadvantage. The most prominent benefits I’ve learned are some situations around visitation rights, and avoiding being compelled to testify against your spouse. It comes from a very dubious history of the husband e…

Are you not defacto by law anyway?

Re: The Never Married, a New Normal

#29

Post by allturtles »

jitl wrote: post #10

My partner and I have been together for 7 years, we bought a house together, haven’t found a compelling reason to get married. Marriage is a complex and binding contract that for two high earners is a tax disadvantage. The most prominent benefits I’ve learned are some situations around visitation rights, and avoiding being compelled to testify against your spouse. It comes from a very dubious history of the husband e…

Tradition is a good enough reason for me.

"But here, in our little village of Anatevka, you might say every one of us is a fiddler on the roof trying to scratch out a pleasant, simple tune without breaking his neck. It isn't easy. You may ask 'Why do we stay up there if it's so dangerous?' Well, we stay because Anatevka is our home. And how do we keep our balance? That I can tell you in one word: tradition!"

Re: The Never Married, a New Normal

#30

Post by amanaplanacanal »

hotpotamus wrote: post #18
dzogchen wrote: post #2

In the Netherlands, there is virtually no societal difference between people that are in a long-term relationship and live together, and married people. To the point that people call themselves husband and wife if they technically 'just' live together. My German girlfriend was shocked to learn this, in other countries (and cultures) marriage really is more of a 'thing'.

In the US that would be called a common law marriage and basically ends up creating a marriage that is recognized by the law (for good or ill). Basically if you say you're married, then you're married. I assume the American tradition comes from English common law because of the name, but I doubt it's unique to those societies.

Common law marriage varies state to state. My state doesn't recognize it, but some others do.
Post reply on HN