Make no sweeping, life-changing decisions for 6 months to a year. Losing a parent messes up your clarity of thought for longer than you expect. Don’t move, change jobs, get married or divorced, buy a house, etc. Whatever (you think) you think today is warped by the loss.
My dad died last week and now I am the only male in the family.How do I procede?
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Re: My dad died last week and now I am the only male in the family.How do I procede?
#22You personally need to gather good relationships. Psyhc, church, sports, friends, ect. Whichever works.
Having good people around you can help give you perspective from other mothers, fathers, people who have lost family and more so you can share the mental weight and focus on what really needs attention.
The old saying it takes a village to raise a child, is true but it's also good to keep people around you for your health.
Best of luck!
Re: My dad died last week and now I am the only male in the family.How do I procede?
#23Earlier quoted context omitted.
Wow, I had an idea I might not have my own family but when you said it.. I wrote this last night, after I wrote it I calmed down and have slept the night since and it does not look so grim now. I might have put too much responsibility on my self. I believe you are right, I have to put my foot down. My mother has to continue working, I will pinch in. My sister will have to work when she studies and she might have to t…
If there are so many apartments and $$$ is tight tell them to move in together in one apartment to reduce costs and rent out the rest. The guy to which you are replying is 100% correct. This is not the time for luxury. And if those women won't understand this and complain then ghost them: your life has priority: DO NOT LET THEM DESTROY YOUR OWN LIFE JUST SO THAT THEY CAN LIVE SOME IGNORANT LUXURIOUS LIFE! YOUR (FUTUR…
But.. never ghost someone. Tell them to their faces in more and more urgent and vocal ways how wrong they are. Don't let them speak presumptions unchallenged. Treat them as people you love, which means keeping them from making bad decisions because of believing nonsense.
Re: My dad died last week and now I am the only male in the family.How do I procede?
#24I’m sorry for your loss. The fact that you are the only “male” in you family seems totally irrelevant to me.
You seem to have incredibly stereotypical traditional views on man and women and their roles. Frankly speaking, that is unhealthy for them and you. The fact that you even mention that the dogs are female only shows to me an unhealthy preoccupation with people’s gender.
This is 2023 and women are their own person. They can take care of themselves. You are not responsible for them from some kind of patriarchal notion of manhood.
Be a kind person, help them if really required just to be kind you your family, not out of misplaced old-fashioned and unhealthy ideas about gender roles.
Re: My dad died last week and now I am the only male in the family.How do I procede?
#25Earlier quoted context omitted.
If there are so many apartments and $$$ is tight tell them to move in together in one apartment to reduce costs and rent out the rest. The guy to which you are replying is 100% correct. This is not the time for luxury. And if those women won't understand this and complain then ghost them: your life has priority: DO NOT LET THEM DESTROY YOUR OWN LIFE JUST SO THAT THEY CAN LIVE SOME IGNORANT LUXURIOUS LIFE! YOUR (FUTUR…
That apartment is my mother’s not mine. In the end it’s her say. Her friend has a nice empty apartment but she cannot find tenants. My mum says we have already enough problems. That apartment needs renovation with money I do not have. I can dream only now. She says asking for 50euros a month would be too much. I do not think my family are freeloaders. And I do not want it to get to that that my sister becomes one. Sh…
> That apartment is my mother’s not mine. In the end it’s her say. Her friend has a nice empty apartment but she cannot find tenants. My mum says we have already enough problems. That apartment needs renovation with money I do not have. I can dream only now. She says asking for 50euros a month would be too much.
In the richer European countries (and increasingly in large cities in poorer European countries) it's impossible to rent any apartment for 50 euro per month. So I'd assume you live in a relatively poor European country and far away from large cities.
- How are the government support programmes / pensions / higher educational funding?
- If you're in the EU, one of the obvious routes is to migrate to a richer country, and support your family through remittance from higher earnings.
Re: My dad died last week and now I am the only male in the family.How do I procede?
#26Since others have talked about grief and handling that I want address how to think about this situation. You frame the problem as, "you have to support three women". This will sound insensitive but that's not my intention. You do not have to support them. Instead I think you want to support them. It's a choice to make to do because there is no external compelling force like the government that's forcing you to it. In…
Wow, I had an idea I might not have my own family but when you said it.. I wrote this last night, after I wrote it I calmed down and have slept the night since and it does not look so grim now. I might have put too much responsibility on my self. I believe you are right, I have to put my foot down. My mother has to continue working, I will pinch in. My sister will have to work when she studies and she might have to t…
It's good you think long and hard about what your next steps are here. There's no wrong answer here it's deeply personal choice. Hopefully you can strike a balance of doing what you can for your mother, sister and grandmother and doing what you need in order to have a successful and happy life yourself.
Re: My dad died last week and now I am the only male in the family.How do I procede?
#27Very sorry for your loss, this is hard to digest, and I can understand all manner of thoughts go through your head during such a trying time. You are together with your mum, sister, and grandmother, caring for _eachother_. They care for you, you care for them. Not to sound too harsh, but we're not in the 50s or 60s anymore. We know today women are strong, capable and most of all caring. If you struggle with life curr…
While it's true women are capable and strong, the benefits of a 16 year old girl having a strong male influence in her life is very large. Don't fall back on platitudes about everyone being independent. Make no mistake, from what you said there is a huge hole left in your family from the passing of your father. Your instinct is right that you should step in as much as you can.
There is nothing I can say to make it easier. But you should try to see this new role as an opportunity to give back to the people that raised you. I personally get great meaning and satisfaction from serving the people i love. I wish you the best of luck.
Re: My dad died last week and now I am the only male in the family.How do I procede?
#28I know something about sacrifice (my father sacrificed a lot and in time i also did something similar) so i hope my suggestions are helpful to you. 1) First off, it is your duty to help and look after your Mother/Grandmother/Sister as long as possible. You are all in it together and each have to be clear about their responsibilities and contributions so that your family as a whole is stable. Best case is relatives/fr…
I worry the most about my sister. My mum said today she wanted to study abroad Operrete. My mother is handling this poorly also. With father this was doable now it seems like childish dreams to me.
I do not want to have a serious talk about growing up as I am afraid she will go crazy because life is now unfair. It will be a week in a couple of hours since we found out. Dad was well meaning. She collected the money from reading books(could go up to 100eur a month) and I guess for birthday, dad took the money, added some and bought her the iphone. I do not think she is spoilt but was raised to like good things and educate.
Two days ago she asked if mother could buy her an ice cream, they would usually buy it at a discount for 3euro but now it cost 6eur. Sis said it is expensive and sadly accepted the fate. But mum bought it anyway, because well father wouldn’t have said no. Mum also said that she will continue eating good food but less if money is tight. The point is quality over quantity always and being realistic.
Again about serious talk with sister - I sometimes feel like being harsh and saying things like “dad’s gone, now is the time to grow up, you need to forget about your childish dreams and choose something realistic” might relieve me of some of the stress but I do not think is for the best for anyone of us, especially because I feel bad about it afterwards.
Re: My dad died last week and now I am the only male in the family.How do I procede?
#29>> First thing she said was that I have to become worthy of my father. You don't need to be worthy of anyone but yourself. That is manipulation that parents/grandparents do on their children and it's horribly destructive as it will only riddle you with guilt. F** living up to your father, do the things that vibe with you. Your sister will (somehow) need to come to terms that $$ is needed in life. If money is scarce t…
Also: you suffer what most people suffer: the indoctrination that "you have to support your siblings or parents": YOU DO NOT! Or more precisely: if they are ignorant and do not understand the harsh reality of the situation you find yourself in then you OWN THEM NOTHING. Only support those who also do everything in their (limited) power to support the family. Freeloaders are to be ignored and ghosted! You young sister…
My dad was a one of a kind man. Manly, good hearted and smart. People respected him, men and women. He took good care of everyone in my family. Me on the other hand, well..
As someone else said here, it is my duty to support them.
Re: My dad died last week and now I am the only male in the family.How do I procede?
#30I’m sorry for your loss. The fact that you are the only “male” in you family seems totally irrelevant to me. You seem to have incredibly stereotypical traditional views on man and women and their roles. Frankly speaking, that is unhealthy for them and you. The fact that you even mention that the dogs are female only shows to me an unhealthy preoccupation with people’s gender. This is 2023 and women are their own pers…
They raised me, of course they are stronger than me. They supported me, so now I have to support them back.
The thing about the dogs was a joke, or not, I don’t know. I was just making it more absurd.