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How we turned the tables to catch my sister’s Bumble stalker

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Re: How we turned the tables to catch my sister’s Bumble stalker

#21

Post by dsfyu404ed »

ketzo wrote: post #3

Maybe obvious, but uh: don’t fucking do this! I get it, I'm an older brother, I would wanna go ballistic too. But the fact that these guys skipped over "notify the police" and went straight to "seek out in-person confrontation" is insane! Stalkers are not people in their right mind. Staking out and planning to “citizen’s arrest”(???) someone who has repeatedly visited late at night to threaten and harass is NOT SAFE…

>I get it, I'm an older brother, I would wanna go ballistic too. But the fact that these guys skipped over "notify the police" and went straight to "seek out in-person confrontation" is insane!

Unless you have independently evidence (that can be independently verified) of a better than misdemeanor crime police almost certainly aren't gonna do squat other than put you on a list of "people with motive" to check up on when the dude you're after gets shwacked by someone else he's wronged.

Re: How we turned the tables to catch my sister’s Bumble stalker

#22

Post by isk517 »

ketzo wrote: post #3

Maybe obvious, but uh: don’t fucking do this! I get it, I'm an older brother, I would wanna go ballistic too. But the fact that these guys skipped over "notify the police" and went straight to "seek out in-person confrontation" is insane! Stalkers are not people in their right mind. Staking out and planning to “citizen’s arrest”(???) someone who has repeatedly visited late at night to threaten and harass is NOT SAFE…

While I do agree that what they did is risky, the article does mention that the police had already been notified after previous incidents. Of course if they failed to alert the police after they had the video evidence of the same guy vandalizing the car night after night then I will fully agree complete idiots, otherwise I can sympathize with their desire to go above and beyond to help their sister.

Re: How we turned the tables to catch my sister’s Bumble stalker

#23

Post by dsfyu404ed »

ceejayoz wrote: post #7
ketzo wrote: post #3

Maybe obvious, but uh: don’t fucking do this! I get it, I'm an older brother, I would wanna go ballistic too. But the fact that these guys skipped over "notify the police" and went straight to "seek out in-person confrontation" is insane! Stalkers are not people in their right mind. Staking out and planning to “citizen’s arrest”(???) someone who has repeatedly visited late at night to threaten and harass is NOT SAFE…

The problem is the cops tend not to give a shit.

Why would they? They get bombarded with people them to f-over or harass someone they got beef with all the time. And most of those sob stories they get told have two sides to them. The false positive ratio is too high to be worth taking these complaints seriously let alone at face value.

Re: How we turned the tables to catch my sister’s Bumble stalker

#25

Post by AnIdiotOnTheNet »

ketzo wrote: post #19
AnIdiotOnTheNet wrote: post #13

Earlier quoted context omitted.

It is hilarious that you think the police would give a shit.

We have no way of knowing if they would have given a shit, because they literally didn't even try before planning a late-night stakeout. Yeah, cops can be really shitty about domestic violence and harassment. But, uh, as opening statements go, it's hard to do much stronger than: "Hello officer! I have video evidence of masked guy repeatedly visiting at night to write threatening messages on the car of a woman living…

You call the police a few times in your life and learn they are useless. Then you either experience or hear about times when calling them ended worse for the caller than if they'd just never bothered at all.

Maybe this isn't true for where you live, your income bracket, or your skin tone, but it is definitely true for a lot of people.

Re: How we turned the tables to catch my sister’s Bumble stalker

#26

Post by korroziya »

ketzo wrote: post #3

Maybe obvious, but uh: don’t fucking do this! I get it, I'm an older brother, I would wanna go ballistic too. But the fact that these guys skipped over "notify the police" and went straight to "seek out in-person confrontation" is insane! Stalkers are not people in their right mind. Staking out and planning to “citizen’s arrest”(???) someone who has repeatedly visited late at night to threaten and harass is NOT SAFE…

[flagged]

Re: How we turned the tables to catch my sister’s Bumble stalker

#27

Post by kanyethegreat »

ketzo wrote: post #17
bigpeach wrote: post #12

Earlier quoted context omitted.

I thought this too. But you can feel incredibly powerless if all you do is “let the police handle it.” Even in this instance, nothing would have come of it had they not traced the guy. Prosecution of crime happens after a crime is committed. Cops can’t do much if you’re worried someone will harm you or a loved one. Even if stalking is illegal, cops won’t / can’t feasibly spend the resources investigating and punishin…

Yeah, but like... they didn't even "let the police handle it." They just went straight to "late-night stakeout." > Cops can’t do much if you’re worried someone will harm you or a loved one. You're right, and that would be a scary situation... if they didn't have more than enough evidence for the police to get involved. Repeated, late-night visits to leave threatening messages would be plenty for a restraining order i…

> Repeated, late-night visits to leave threatening messages would be plenty for a restraining order in the U.S., or at the very least to spur further police investigation.

Restraining order against whom exactly? The masked man? Also, what tactical protection do you think a restraining order provides against someone with actual intent to harm?

> In this case, her brothers could have taken turns driving home from work with her, walking her to her car, sleeping over at her place, while they waited for police to proceed with investigation. They could have helped her get connected with a self-defense course, or bought her mace (depending on legality).

All good suggestions. Unfortunately, everything other than self-defense is a temporary (and likely not sustainable) countermeasure. Regarding the self-defense strategy, barring effective weapon use, the odds aren't in the target's favor given 1/ the size discrepancy (they even talk about how burly the stalker was) and 2/ the fact that the assailant has the element of surprise. It's sad that the only viable option seems to be "carry a weapon, train in martial arts, wait for an incident and hope you're able to defend against it." This is not preventative. It's reactionary.

> This... is not one of those situations.

I disagree.

Re: How we turned the tables to catch my sister’s Bumble stalker

#29

Post by thenayr »

ketzo wrote: post #3

Maybe obvious, but uh: don’t fucking do this! I get it, I'm an older brother, I would wanna go ballistic too. But the fact that these guys skipped over "notify the police" and went straight to "seek out in-person confrontation" is insane! Stalkers are not people in their right mind. Staking out and planning to “citizen’s arrest”(???) someone who has repeatedly visited late at night to threaten and harass is NOT SAFE…

[dead]

Re: How we turned the tables to catch my sister’s Bumble stalker

#30

Post by TheRealPomax »

ketzo wrote: post #3

Maybe obvious, but uh: don’t fucking do this! I get it, I'm an older brother, I would wanna go ballistic too. But the fact that these guys skipped over "notify the police" and went straight to "seek out in-person confrontation" is insane! Stalkers are not people in their right mind. Staking out and planning to “citizen’s arrest”(???) someone who has repeatedly visited late at night to threaten and harass is NOT SAFE…

Note: Scotland. Different rules.
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