Hacker News Board Hacker News, browsed like a classic message board
Live data from Hacker News

Getting Out of a Rut

news.ycombinator.com

Post reply on HN
Print view View original

21–30 of 117 posts

Re: Getting Out of a Rut

#21

Post by tartoran »

hsn915 wrote: post #20
tartoran wrote: post #14

Earlier quoted context omitted.

I also sugested this but as decluttering. I’ve done it years ago, my house is now emptyish, less furniture too as well as less stuff in general including the digital realm as well.

Yea the biggest source of messiness is people not throwing out stuff they don't need. They think they "lose" something by throwing it out. In fact they are losing unimaginably by keeping garbage laying around.

Absolutely. I want to add it’s not even garbage in some cases, just too much of anything can affect our psyche.

Re: Getting Out of a Rut

#22

Post by Labo333 »

On top of the other answers that are really helpful, I would say to:

- take a break, go to vacation for 2 weeks

- get a regular sleep schedule with 8 hours.

- have a healthy diet without sugar (dopamine)

- do some exercise and cleaning instead of videos and games

- try L-theanine (possibly with caffeine). It helped me a ton in similar situations.

Re: Getting Out of a Rut

#23

Post by Comevius »

vidyesh wrote: post #18
Comevius wrote: post #16

Welcome to depression. You are burned out and fighting for a dopamine hit, hence the overindulgence. From time to time you become motivated to change, which too becomes a source of dopamine, dreaming about doing it, but never following through, because you never have the energy, and motivation is just as fleeting as the high you get from porn, games and food is. The first thing you can do for yourself is changing you…

I am a victim of bursts of motivation and then suddenly I have zero energy to keep up with what I have been doing which was good for me. And then I slowly slip into the bad habits I thought I had gotten rid off and then motivation comes back and the vicious circle continues. I read about how important energy is, how energy management is key to everything. And the best way I read is to manage energy and not crash by t…

It's because it's complicated, your energy is the product of your physical, mental and social environment, including your body and mind. It's a resource that affected by your health as much as you perception and abilities, and in turn all of these affect each other, they are interconnected, and it's all a big jumble. Eat right, think right, move right is all you can do, but if you have an underlying condition, you were abused as a child, or simply just live in the 21st century with all of it's stresses it's not that easy.

At the end of the day you are just one flimsy person in this big pile of spaghetti, surviving the best you can, so you have to learn to let it go. Not entirely, not to the point of an accelerated decay, but to the point of not taking life and yourself too seriously. You have to be like water.

Re: Getting Out of a Rut

#24

Post by gautamdivgi »

Get a complete panel of bloodwork done. I was feeling rather chill, unmotivated but not depressed. Also symptoms and fatigue and delayed recovery from exercise. I have lower levels of hormones and definitely low on testosterone.

Disclaimer: not a doctor, just narrating my experience. I would talk to your doctor and see if all is good there.

Re: Getting Out of a Rut

#25

Post by Comevius »

knicholes wrote: post #8
audiometry wrote: post #6

Go on a three week video game moratorium. Get on a regular sleep schedule that wakes you up earlier than normal. Make task todo lists. Make “intentions for the week” lists. Make the items small grains of sand sand. Tick them off as you finish some of them. It won’t be everything probably. Get yourself on a program of your choosing and it becomes a virtuous cycle. Talk to someone too. Not commiserate, which isn’t help…

I just did this, and surprisingly it really did help. I started playing "Satisfactory." I found the little successes of progressing felt like when I succeeded at writing a nice clean function. I think the rut, for me, was caused by constantly changing requirements and having no feelings of success.

That's why prison, large companies or just life in the 21st century can be so bad, humans need to be able to feel that they have an impact on their environment.

But it works the other way around, if the game becomes the primary means of satisfying those needs you are going to have a bad time.

Re: Getting Out of a Rut

#26

Post by dazc »

You're smart enough to ask for help, take on board the helpful comments and stay engaged.

Get out of the house for several hours a day, even if it is just walking around aimlessly, as it will give you perspective and clear your mind; the physical exercise won't hurt either.

This is something we all go through at some stage of our lives - it is normal, don't fall into the trap of thinking otherwise.

Re: Getting Out of a Rut

#27

Post by cloudking »

Use the digital well-being features on your phone, set time limits on social media apps and enable downtime options. This won't solve all your problems, but at least can help you be aware of how you're spending your time.

Android: https://support.google.com/android/answer/9346420

iOS: https://support.apple.com/en-us/HT208982

Re: Getting Out of a Rut

#28

Post by donkeyofd00m »

I've been here fairly recently since the heavy covid years. I've been making good progress out of this, but I've still got a ways to go

The way I looked at it was that I was in a local maximum of wellbeing. Less than I wanted to feel, but feeling "trapped" to do anything about it as any deviation from the comfort zone required me to leave that local maximum for a bit... even if there were higher heights beyond it

Social, romantic, career... all was just "not great but manageable". Good for today, but a sense of dread staying in the same place for years

I started just getting involved in any activity to improve the areas important to myself of for "I always wanted to do this" leisure. I wanted to volenteer teaching kids math... reached out to my network, and I was flexible enough to pivot volenteering for a schoolteacher running for political office. I knew I would feel exhaused doing so. And, the first little while I absolutely was

But, I find lots of truth in the quote "if you want something done, give it to a busy person". With small pockets for rest and relaxation accounted for, you'd be supprised what you can accomplish with your free time

Once I was volenteering, it was almost uncanny how I noticed I started going on many more meaningful dates, good prospective job interviews and strengthening/growing my social circles after a few months. Less time, but way more accomplished than when I was doing nothing. It was almost like I overcame the inertia of staying stagnant

"Oh, I have a date coming up tomorrow but I'm on the campaign trail now? No time to wallow or procrastinate about cleaning my apparment; I only have the time once I get back tonight. I'll do it without thinking"... that's how I noticed my prespective shifted durring that time

Things improved from there. Since my election has been over and I no longer contribute to the party, I've noticed myself slipping back into the inertia of inaction. I'm literally on my computer now researching to join a comedy club and volenteer in education for real this time

If I'd recommend anything from my annacdotal experience, just focus on joining some club for leisure, exercise, professional or "higher purpose" reasons... anything really. Some community. Even if it's just a weekly dog walk with a friend. Perhaps my own personal taste/annacdote, I found things social in nature pushed me further and had more accountability to not let the group down (i.e, a workout class with peers worked much better than a 1on1 personal trainer). The peer support and different prespectives help you get out of your head/thought loops. You will be exhaused the first month or two. However, once you stabilize, I noticed that my proactivity to carve out a more meaningul and plesant life started to snowball

I agree with all the health/hygiene comments here too. I just found that the "top down" approach with activity gave me the motivation to establish the habbit. The "bottom up" methods made those habbits fizzle out after a month

Re: Getting Out of a Rut

#29

Post by pkrotich »

Glad you’re sharing - it helps to seek professional help too.

Not trying to connect the dots - but perhaps you’re anxious and scared about being a parent with someone you don’t want to be with longterm and you feel conflicted? (Been there myself)

I know it’s hard to pinpoint source of such spirals but try your best to be there for your child - let that be the motivation and guiding star (not work) and I can assure you you’ll be excited about life again when the focus is not on you!

For starters - put together a nursery and baby proof the house. I can assure that alone will have your place organized and super clean. Take parenting class and meet others.

You’ll be an awesome father my dear friend and congratulations!

Re: Getting Out of a Rut

#30

Post by SCUSKU »

Hey man, I totally know where you're coming from. I experienced burnout which led to depression. Boy did it not feel good. My will to live was at an all time low and I was also in a bad mood, felt completely disinterested in doing things. I was in denial though, and once it got to a breaking point I was able to surpass my internally held stigma against seeking help.

I ended up seeking a psychiatrist who put me on prozac and wellbutrin, and started doing weekly therapy. It helped a lot, and I'm doing much better these days and I am no longer on the medication, just doing talk therapy.

For you, I would say consider seeking help from a psychiatrist, and just talk to them. They won't always put you on medication.

But I think more importantly, you should look for a therapist that you like and helps you. I was fortunate to find a great one on my first try, but talking to my therapist just lets me air all my life grievances, feel heard, and helps me just let go of things that don't matter.

It sounds like your symptoms are different than mine, so I think it makes sense to seek help from a professional.

Best of luck, this is a great first step to seeking help though, best of luck OP.

Post reply on HN