People who comment or make content online represent a very small minority - maybe a few percentage depending on the platform. That is decidedly not a representative sample.
Ask HN: Why are people in real life so different?
21–30 of 264 posts
Re: Ask HN: Why are people in real life so different?
#22Being anonymous make it easier for people to express their "true self", and there's more empathy when you actually see people you're talking with.
Re: Ask HN: Why are people in real life so different?
#23People don't feel guilt online, generally, because they either forget the person they are talking to is a vulnerable human, or they just imagine them as someone deserving of their vitriol. However, as soon as they are sat in front of someone and are picking up on the visual clues in facial expressions and body language which make it clear that what they are saying is actually affecting a real person with feelings, al…
Would this apply to remote work culture?
Yes, in my experience. But the difference is somewhat diminished because even though you (mostly) don't see the people in person, you do get the benefits of a long term relationship. E.g., you get a better sense of what's safe to discuss candidly with each person, and in some cases you're invested in each other's welfare.
Re: Ask HN: Why are people in real life so different?
#24Do you actually feel that there is more "real listening" happening online?
On line anonymity allows every one to act like that one dad on the sideline of his kids game cursing out the refs.
Re: Ask HN: Why are people in real life so different?
#25#1 skin in the game.
In person interactions can have greater immediate consequences than online actions. If someone is in your social group, you might see them again and have to deal with the consequences of actions/behavior. Positive impressions can reward you in the future.
#2 Reputation and anonymity
You can't easily reboot your IRL identity and reputation, but usually can on forums like HN
Re: Ask HN: Why are people in real life so different?
#26To quote a great pugilist who recently laid his hands on someone outside of the ring (and not for the first time), I think the answer is really simple:
"Social media made y'all way too comfortable with disrespecting people and not getting punched in the face for it."
Re: Ask HN: Why are people in real life so different?
#27The experience of communicating online is a very impersonal one: I type what I want to say in a square box and off it goes. I can’t hurt the feelings of my audience if I can’t even comprehend who that audience will be.
There’s also the anonymity aspect in some venues, which further removes behavioral barriers. If I can’t be blamed/identified in real life then the consequences of my online speech are null and there’s no incentive to not troll or “talk my real feelings out”.
Basically we all have a “dark” side: opinions, prejudices, and ideas that are deeply repressed by our need to conform in society. Online there’s no need to conform to anything.
Re: Ask HN: Why are people in real life so different?
#28The main reason is that almost all content online comes from people who are mentally ill. Commenting or creating anything online is really weird. Normal people don't do this, so you're interacting with a very different group of people on your computer than in real life.
> people in real life seem so much more complacent and uncritical compared to people online
This is just to avoid conflict. I'm sure they feel the same way internally
Re: Ask HN: Why are people in real life so different?
#29HN is a strongly self-selected group of people, with rules against bad-faith arguments. But you can find groups like that in real life too. The special thing about online is that when an obscure topic comes up, someone from the 0.0001% of people with deep knowledge of that subject can chime in. That dynamic basically never happens IRL, because you need a million eyeballs. Like, outside of NASA, where would you encoun…
> HN is a strongly self-selected group of people, with rules against bad-faith arguments
I'd love to see those rules enforced someday. There are plenty of examples of such arguments to be found here.
Re: Ask HN: Why are people in real life so different?
#30“Social media made y'all way too comfortable with disrespecting people and not getting punched in the face for it,” Mike Tyson. The "punch" here is metaphorical and could be any stakes that the person would be at risk of losing: social etc.
or maybe not metaphorical...
https://www.independent.co.uk/sport/boxing/mike-tyson-video-...