Ask HN: Any Parents to “Average” Children?

OP, I'd really, really recommend that you are able to answer these questions before you start projecting assumptions, wishes, or expected failure onto a pre-schooler:

- are you happy, right now?

- are you living a life that you chose?

- what makes you happy

- what makes a live "well-lived"?

I have this growing pit in my stomach right now that I just can't shake. Your IQ is high and you make a ton of money... and I doubt I'd trade places with you for any material possession on this Earth. You have a daughter to help guide through the world and you're on HN having an unspecified anxiety about a capricious measurement, of a 4 year old, that is widely accepted by thoughtful folks to be a largely unuseful metric.

I suspect that maybe you're wondering about the legitimacy of those tests, questioning your own results, wondering what this means for her... and I really hope you can see that how you process this is going to affect how you treat her. That is going to affect her so much more than an IQ test done at 4, it's really worrisome to me that you can't see the forest for the trees.

I always feel most loved by my parent, and most at peace with my path to find happiness in life, when they tell me "Whatever, we just want you to be happy.". It's what they said when I came out. It's what they said when I stepped back from a promising career because despite... the exceptional status and money I had... I was being under-valued, disrespected and made to do thoughtless techno-capital work. The self-doubt I already had from societal expectations would've crushed me if they had leaned into it and admonished me.

I hope in your heart you realize that helping your daughter navigate life and find happiness is far more important than projecting your unexamined internalized expectations onto her.

Same here

The more IQ the more mental illness

IQ is bullshit, don't put any importance whatsoever on it.

> realize that helping your daughter navigate life and find happiness

That's precisely what I'm working on here. There are countless guides for "average parents with gifted child." There are no guides for "gifted parents with average child".

OP's original post referenced this article [0] as a concern.

[0] https://www.sfgate.com/bayarea/article/Why-are-Palo-Alto-s-k...

Are they concerned about depression because he's afraid his daughter won't be smart enough? Do they think 68% of the population within 1 SD of the mean IQ are suicidal, or should be?