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When families un-adopt a child (2018)

theatlantic.com

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Re: When families un-adopt a child (2018)

#21

Post by diob »

rootusrootus wrote: post #3

If the opening story about the 10 year old being put up for adoption 9+ years after being adopted as an infant is true, then I'm speechless. What an incredibly destructive, hateful thing to do. On the one hand, I don't think you should be able to do such things to a child. On the other hand, this is such a clear signal of how inappropriate you are as a parent that I guess the answer is to take the child as quickly as…

It's terrible, but on the other hand I wish my parents / step parents had been courageous enough to do it rather than cowardly trying to make my life hell instead.

Re: When families un-adopt a child (2018)

#22

Post by Tade0 »

rootusrootus wrote: post #3

If the opening story about the 10 year old being put up for adoption 9+ years after being adopted as an infant is true, then I'm speechless. What an incredibly destructive, hateful thing to do. On the one hand, I don't think you should be able to do such things to a child. On the other hand, this is such a clear signal of how inappropriate you are as a parent that I guess the answer is to take the child as quickly as…

My relatives adopted a child who went through something similar at age 4. She's okay now, but it took years to get to that point.

Re: When families un-adopt a child (2018)

#23

Post by dymk »

ipaddr wrote: post #20
dymk wrote: post #14

Earlier quoted context omitted.

Referring to children as "inventory" is implies all sorts of negative things. Adoption isn't the same as a transaction where you peruse the "inventory" for a new hot tub or something. Those interested in adoption should be _so_ interested, that they're willing to go meet in-person with an agency who can introduce them to the children.

The biggest problem agencies have is getting parents to come down. By advertising with pictures people will emotionally bond with a specific child which will prompt them to go through the long, expensive agency adoption process. Charities use images of children to sell the charity.

Yeah, that still strikes me as gross and undignified, and I don't buy the premise that you need to show specific images of specific children that are available for adoption _right now_ to increase the rate at which parents come down.

> Charities use images of children to sell the charity.

Note that they're not selling the children.

Re: When families un-adopt a child (2018)

#24

Post by toomuchtodo »

diob wrote: post #21
rootusrootus wrote: post #3

If the opening story about the 10 year old being put up for adoption 9+ years after being adopted as an infant is true, then I'm speechless. What an incredibly destructive, hateful thing to do. On the one hand, I don't think you should be able to do such things to a child. On the other hand, this is such a clear signal of how inappropriate you are as a parent that I guess the answer is to take the child as quickly as…

It's terrible, but on the other hand I wish my parents / step parents had been courageous enough to do it rather than cowardly trying to make my life hell instead.

The more resources available for parents who shouldn’t become parents to stay childfree, the better.

Everyone decries the falling fertility rate. Let’s talk about how many kids who are in foster care every year (~400k in the US), who are in toxic homes, or who are homeless. We have a long way to go.

(I donate to non profits who subsidize voluntary permanent birth control and who advocate for the childfree)

Re: When families un-adopt a child (2018)

#25

Post by tragomaskhalos »

ftyers wrote: post #4

I really didn't get this part: > But according to the information provided by her parents, “This family has drastically changed their lifestyle and have left their faith and extended family for a quiet, secluded life.” It is their hope that “a different family will step forward who can provide her with the socialization and continued relationship with God that she desires.” So they're saying that they are getting rid…

Baffling indeed, but I doubt further context would alter my conclusion that these parents are heartless scumbags.

Re: When families un-adopt a child (2018)

#26

Post by kingcharles »

Borrible wrote: post #17

Every offer finds a demand. https://www.reuters.com/investigates/adoption/#article/part1

Wow. It is alarmingly easy to offload your child. People are adopting children because they look cute without understanding why the child was available for adoption in the first place. Usually it is because they have such deep mental health problems that they need a very time-consuming and expensive amount of care to bring their quality of life up to something reasonable.

It's very sad for these children, and it's not even one that is easy for a government to solve. It's not like health insurance where the government can throw more money at the problem - these children need very dedicated, caring parents who are willing to adopt, which is a rare thing to find.

Re: When families un-adopt a child (2018)

#27

Post by axiolite »

ftyers wrote: post #4

I really didn't get this part: > But according to the information provided by her parents, “This family has drastically changed their lifestyle and have left their faith and extended family for a quiet, secluded life.” It is their hope that “a different family will step forward who can provide her with the socialization and continued relationship with God that she desires.” So they're saying that they are getting rid…

> “This family has drastically changed their lifestyle and have left their faith and extended family for a quiet, secluded life.”

> So they're saying that they are getting rid of her because she is too religious at the age of 10 to fit into their lives?

Actually, it sounded to me as if the family went full-on Ruby Ridge, moving into an off-grid cabin in the woods, preparing for the rapture.

Re: When families un-adopt a child (2018)

#28

Post by 999900000999 »

Doesn't surprise me at all.

My dad's wife hated me, so I got kicked out at 15. Didn't stop my Dad from showing up at school and my job to threaten me.

The joys of adulthood, I deal with my horrible family when I want to. If you gave a bad family, it's imperative you estrange yourself.

In my 20s I made the mistake of trusting these disgusting people. Of course they lied to my face, stabbed me in the back, and asked me to co-sign a home loan afterwards. So my credit stays locked.

Trust is a luxury I can't afford.

Also, many step parents end up treating those kids like shit. If your not going to treat your step kids fairly, since you don't want to do it, don't date a single parent.

You have a bit of a catch-22, anyone mature enough to become a step parent will understand how much of responsibility it is. Thus, they'll be reluctant to do it.

Someone who lacks that maturity, will be much more eager to become a step parent as a condition of a new relationship.

I know I can't guarantee I'll be a good step parent. It's just an insanely hard thing to do, which takes a person stronger than myself.

So I don't date people with kids. I'd sooner die alone than put someone else though what I went though.

Re: When families un-adopt a child (2018)

#29

Post by rayiner »

toomuchtodo wrote: post #24
diob wrote: post #21

Earlier quoted context omitted.

It's terrible, but on the other hand I wish my parents / step parents had been courageous enough to do it rather than cowardly trying to make my life hell instead.

The more resources available for parents who shouldn’t become parents to stay childfree, the better. Everyone decries the falling fertility rate. Let’s talk about how many kids who are in foster care every year (~400k in the US), who are in toxic homes, or who are homeless. We have a long way to go. (I donate to non profits who subsidize voluntary permanent birth control and who advocate for the childfree)

No post body was provided.

Re: When families un-adopt a child (2018)

#30

Post by ratww »

ftyers wrote: post #4

I really didn't get this part: > But according to the information provided by her parents, “This family has drastically changed their lifestyle and have left their faith and extended family for a quiet, secluded life.” It is their hope that “a different family will step forward who can provide her with the socialization and continued relationship with God that she desires.” So they're saying that they are getting rid…

There is a link on the article that provides a few more details.

https://wiaa.org/child/reese-placed/

> This is a child with no special needs but wants to be in a family who goes to church. She loves to sing praise songs and read her Bible. She and her parents want her to be in a family that does this. She gets along with everyone and has no major behavioral problems. Her parents want her to be in a family that is involved in church, and church related activities.

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