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Finding Love Optimally

mat.tepper.cmu.edu

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Re: Finding Love Optimally

#21

Post by sltkr »

DeusExMachina wrote: post #6
bengl3rt wrote: post #5

Unfortunately, this does not solve the problem that many hackers that I know have. They would have no trouble selecting between a number of different applicants/candidates - they are having trouble with generating "deal flow" in the first place, a.k.a actually meeting women. They work 40-90 hours a week in an insular, male-dominated industry. Where do they get the time and the energy to get the exposure to hone the s…

I can understand your point, but I think that in the end it's always feasible. If you want to meet more women you have to realize they won't come to knock on your door. So you have to give up a couple of hours in the evening where instead if working you go out with the objective to meet more women.

It's funny that your suggestion is the opposite of the currently top-rated comment (which I didn't read, because it's a 1700 word essay without any capitalization).

(For what it's worth, I think you have it right.)

Re: Finding Love Optimally

#22

Post by sltkr »

adrianN wrote: post #14
danenania wrote: post #9

Earlier quoted context omitted.

Just going out with the vague intention of meeting women isn't going to get you anywhere as a nerdy type of guy. A better approach is to do things that you'll enjoy anyway where talking and getting to know others (including women) is a core part of the activity. A few that come to mind: creative writing groups, acting groups, language learning groups and exchanges, book clubs. I'm sure there are plenty of others. Bes…

How about people who don't like activities where talking and getting to know other people is a core part?

If you don't want to talk to or get to know anyone, why are you looking for a girlfriend?

Re: Finding Love Optimally

#23

Post by Fargren »

dev_jim wrote: post #8
bengl3rt wrote: post #5

Unfortunately, this does not solve the problem that many hackers that I know have. They would have no trouble selecting between a number of different applicants/candidates - they are having trouble with generating "deal flow" in the first place, a.k.a actually meeting women. They work 40-90 hours a week in an insular, male-dominated industry. Where do they get the time and the energy to get the exposure to hone the s…

Try OKCupid or a similar dating website. It gives you the opportunity to meet new women at your convenience by initiating contact through a 3-line email. And if they respond you know they are interested. As far as skill set...just be yourself and talk about your interests and her interests. Having some sort of 'game' or whatever isn't going to work very well on educated women.

That only works in countries that have a lot of people in OKCupid(or a similar service). Despite the recent growth in USA and some other parts of the world, a lot of places still heavily stigmatize the use of dating sites, specially among people younger than 40. That usually means there aren't any eligible candidates to be found on those sites.

Re: Finding Love Optimally

#24

Post by danssig »

Swizec wrote: post #12
dev_jim wrote: post #7

I couldn't give you the math, but the optimal strategy is to always date two or three women at any given time. This allows you to always keep your favorite while giving an opportunity for new contenders to rise to the top. Now of course this strategy only works for about a year with any individual girl until exclusivity becomes an issue. This is similar to how most companies solve the secretary (or at least the softw…

The problem with dating that many women at a time is that it's a giant waste of time, effort and ultimately money. I don't know about you, but I don't have the funds to go on that many dates even if I am the kind of cheap who always splits the bill.

What are you wasting all your money on then? If you don't have the money to take a girl out do you really think you're financially stable enough to have a family?

Re: Finding Love Optimally

#25

Post by GFischer »

Fargren wrote: post #23
dev_jim wrote: post #8

Earlier quoted context omitted.

Try OKCupid or a similar dating website. It gives you the opportunity to meet new women at your convenience by initiating contact through a 3-line email. And if they respond you know they are interested. As far as skill set...just be yourself and talk about your interests and her interests. Having some sort of 'game' or whatever isn't going to work very well on educated women.

That only works in countries that have a lot of people in OKCupid(or a similar service). Despite the recent growth in USA and some other parts of the world, a lot of places still heavily stigmatize the use of dating sites, specially among people younger than 40. That usually means there aren't any eligible candidates to be found on those sites.

I met my girlfriend over a dating site, but I had started actively trying to meet people a year before (friends of friends), and I realized I had lots of interaction problems to correct, as well as trying to improve myself not only to be a bit more interesting, but also my physical appearance as well.

And I disagree that other parts of the world stigmatize dating sites (it's too broad a statement). For example, Badoo (the site where I met her) is huge in Latin America and UK and Russia and other very dissimilar sites.

It also took a long time, I met about 50 girls before meeting my girlfriend.

I don't think I'm exemplary, but if I managed to get a girlfriend, most can do it.

Re: Finding Love Optimally

#26

Post by ajays »

dev_jim wrote: post #7

I couldn't give you the math, but the optimal strategy is to always date two or three women at any given time. This allows you to always keep your favorite while giving an opportunity for new contenders to rise to the top. Now of course this strategy only works for about a year with any individual girl until exclusivity becomes an issue. This is similar to how most companies solve the secretary (or at least the softw…

I came here to say this. Dating multiple women takes the pressure off your primary pursuit. I know this may sound immoral or bad to some people, but: believe me, it works.

Just the fact that you have a couple of backups makes you a lot more relaxed, spontaneous and fun to be with. Maybe it's the ego trip; maybe it's the fact that you always have a backup. But whatever it is: you are a lot more fun to be with when you are, shall we say, multitasking. Just one word of caution: do NOT bring up the other women at all, for any reason.

Re: Finding Love Optimally

#27

Post by ajays »

For me, the biggest challenge is meeting women who I might find interesting. I'm a techie, and, for some reason, I've always got along great with techie women (or women in sciences or math). Maybe it's because they understand me better; I don't know.

Even though I live in San Francisco, it is hard to meet women who are attractive and with whom I can have a connection. IMO, OKCupid seems to be filled with the more "artsy" type women; nothing wrong with them at all, but I never seem to have a connection with them.

Re: Finding Love Optimally

#29

Post by bartz »

I was just getting excited about seeing the secretary problem reworked when applied from the perspective of both the secretary and the employer, but instead he took the romantic approach.

Re: Finding Love Optimally

#30

Post by kirubakaran »

sltkr wrote: post #21
DeusExMachina wrote: post #6

Earlier quoted context omitted.

I can understand your point, but I think that in the end it's always feasible. If you want to meet more women you have to realize they won't come to knock on your door. So you have to give up a couple of hours in the evening where instead if working you go out with the objective to meet more women.

It's funny that your suggestion is the opposite of the currently top-rated comment (which I didn't read, because it's a 1700 word essay without any capitalization). (For what it's worth, I think you have it right.)

It's worth reading that essay. http://news.ycombinator.com/item?id=3051914
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