How I Made 50 Friends In One Month • Hacker News Board

Re: How I Made 50 Friends In One Month

#21

Post by olliesaunders » Mon, Jul 25, 2011, 10:02 AM UTC

erikb wrote: post #19

I would suggest you really learn to know some real people. And "really" really means "real life". There are things about communcation (non-verbal for example) that you can not have over the internet. Also a relationship will never reach the depth of a comparable real life relationship, if you never see the other person. From that post it is pretty clear that you have nearly no experience with human beings (who consid…

Having friends on the internet to the exclusion of real life friends is certainly bad but meeting people on the internet does not preclude getting to know them in real life. Location isn’t even much of a barrier any more. I did a programming competition with a guy in Canada—I’m in the UK—and he invited me over there when I later publicly complained that my job was starting to suck on a forum. I went for 3 weeks and had an awesome time.

Even if you never meet any of the people you talk to on the internet in real life. So what? You still made a load of internet buddies. And there’s great value in having a little roster of people you can turn to for advice, guidance, and opinion. The system he’s using is already self-selecting for those who are open enough to be suitable for such things.

    From that post it is pretty clear that you have 
    nearly no experience with human beings

How is that clear? You can speculate, sure. But I just see someone motivated to make connection with people.

    who consider writing to 400 people for no real 
    reason creepy

Creepy for some. It depends how paranoid you are.

    and call one-month-old-relationships not friendship

He wouldn’t be the first blogger in the world prone to exaggeration.

    people are out there who want to gain from your
    disadvantage. Be careful, please.

Yes, there are scum bags, con artists, and assholes. We’ve all met them. But isolating yourself away from all people just because of those bad ones is not a good idea. The skill you need to work out who you like and who you don’t is what’s important and you can only learn that by practicing, which means exposing yourself to lots of new people. How else can you learn? Besides the author is doing things in a pretty safe way by getting to know people over the internet and with Skype first. FUD and attempts to build a fortress around yourself are actually dangerous.

Even if you don’t agree with me. I just prefer to live this way: I prefer to believe it’s better to connect with people; I prefer confidence to shy timidness; I prefer to look enthusiastic when meeting a new person over fearful judgment. All the other things eat away at me and turn me into a scared person. I hate that.

Re: How I Made 50 Friends In One Month

#22

Post by 30vanquish » Mon, Jul 25, 2011, 10:02 AM UTC

erikb wrote: post #19

I would suggest you really learn to know some real people. And "really" really means "real life". There are things about communcation (non-verbal for example) that you can not have over the internet. Also a relationship will never reach the depth of a comparable real life relationship, if you never see the other person. From that post it is pretty clear that you have nearly no experience with human beings (who consid…

Hello Erik, Thanks for the constructive criticism.

I'm not here to please the people who think that writing to 400 people to make friends is creepy. Everyone makes friends and eventually you'll have to talk to 400 strangers whether or not it's formal/non-formal.

> But it also means that you can not do anything connection related.

Well that vision is a work in progress. I can't please everyone but I can extend my hand to everyone to give them the opportunity to connect. If they see it as creepy, their loss.

There's something called growth. If I can grow into connecting, great. If not, it's worth a shot to try anyways.

Those 4 people who are extremely close I've known for 1-4 years. You did make a good point about the 50 friends. However, like I said before, each person has their own interpretation of what a friend is. If it's a year, then it's a year for some. If you want to use the year requirement, then I'll say the 50 number drops to more like 15, not zero.

Re: How I Made 50 Friends In One Month

#23

Post by olliesaunders » Mon, Jul 25, 2011, 10:09 AM UTC

30vanquish wrote: post #11

jamesteow wrote: post #3

Earlier quoted context omitted.

"During March 2010, I sent messages to around 400 people." If I had to spend that much time writing messages, I'd rather just volunteer my time at a non-profit, join a club, or attend some sort of meetup.com meetup to get to know people in my neighbourhood and/or within my city.

It's the same amount of filtering like the other reply. It comes down to wanting social interactions without having to go through that small talk stuff that most people need to go through in real life. I also do volunteer my time as well. Although I do understand concern for making the best use of one's time. I only messaged people whom I felt there was potential. The same filtering applies though because you can att…

I’m massively interested to know what you said in your opening messages.

Re: How I Made 50 Friends In One Month

#24

Post by 30vanquish » Mon, Jul 25, 2011, 10:12 AM UTC

olliesaunders wrote: post #21

erikb wrote: post #19

I would suggest you really learn to know some real people. And "really" really means "real life". There are things about communcation (non-verbal for example) that you can not have over the internet. Also a relationship will never reach the depth of a comparable real life relationship, if you never see the other person. From that post it is pretty clear that you have nearly no experience with human beings (who consid…

Having friends on the internet to the exclusion of real life friends is certainly bad but meeting people on the internet does not preclude getting to know them in real life. Location isn’t even much of a barrier any more. I did a programming competition with a guy in Canada—I’m in the UK—and he invited me over there when I later publicly complained that my job was starting to suck on a forum. I went for 3 weeks and h…

Thanks for the great insight.

With the help of skype, you can see body language, tone (non-verbal communication) almost as well as real life now.

Location isn't a barrier anymore and that's what makes the internet so powerful.

>The system he’s using is already self-selecting for those who are open enough to be suitable for such things.

I couldn't have said it any better.

Most of the 50 people I've talked I've connected with for at least six months.

The way I make messages online pretty much ignores small talk. I try to steer the conversation to that depth as quickly as possible. If someone is willing to tell you about their deep experiences (and it makes logic sense) then they're most likely authentic.

Re: How I Made 50 Friends In One Month

#25

Post by olalonde » Mon, Jul 25, 2011, 1:51 PM UTC

30vanquish wrote: post #20

olalonde wrote: post #18

This is just kind of creepy, isn't it?

How would it be creepy? It's just like any friend you would make. You have to start by talking to a stranger. If you want to do it in a formal manner like a classroom, a workplace, a meetup, then that's cool. I simply don't want to limit myself to just that.

Well, after reading what your blog is all about I can see why you did that. That being said, your strategy is based on "throwing against the wall to see what sticks" and I think there are much more efficient ways to make friends for common mortals ;) One of them is to target people you want to be friends with before approaching them (through meetups, common friends, etc.). I can say for sure that I probably wouldn't want to stay your friend after reading your blog just as I'm sure women don't want to be with guys who have their own "pick up artist" blog.

Re: How I Made 50 Friends In One Month

#26

Post by 30vanquish » Mon, Jul 25, 2011, 6:09 PM UTC

olalonde wrote: post #25

30vanquish wrote: post #20

Earlier quoted context omitted.

How would it be creepy? It's just like any friend you would make. You have to start by talking to a stranger. If you want to do it in a formal manner like a classroom, a workplace, a meetup, then that's cool. I simply don't want to limit myself to just that.

Well, after reading what your blog is all about I can see why you did that. That being said, your strategy is based on "throwing against the wall to see what sticks" and I think there are much more efficient ways to make friends for common mortals ;) One of them is to target people you want to be friends with before approaching them (through meetups, common friends, etc.). I can say for sure that I probably wouldn't…

It has that mindset to see what works and what doesn't. I'll agree there probably are easier ways to meet and make friends.

That's cool. Everyone has their own taste. If some people are turned off by reading my blog, it's the same as dressing up a certain way (some people like it, others not so much).

Re: How I Made 50 Friends In One Month

#27

Post by 30vanquish » Mon, Jul 25, 2011, 6:22 PM UTC

olliesaunders wrote: post #23

30vanquish wrote: post #11

Earlier quoted context omitted.

It's the same amount of filtering like the other reply. It comes down to wanting social interactions without having to go through that small talk stuff that most people need to go through in real life. I also do volunteer my time as well. Although I do understand concern for making the best use of one's time. I only messaged people whom I felt there was potential. The same filtering applies though because you can att…

I’m massively interested to know what you said in your opening messages.

If I talk to someone on a music forum, then you could talk about that music artist. Then from there if they list on their profile that they like the soccer team, Barcelona, and the movie, The Matrix, (for examples), then I send them a message:

"Hi, so what's your favorite album by [music artist]? Mine is probably _____. Have you been catching up on how Barcelona is doing? I also like the Matrix movie. If you were in Neo's position, would you choose the red or blue pill? I would probably pick blah blah because blah blah.

-Matt"