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What nobody says about startup moms

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Re: What nobody says about startup moms

#21

Post by alex_young »

Here’s the thing - you shouldn’t have to choose between a career and having children.

In the US we’ve created a set of incentives which work to put women at a disadvantage in the workplace if they become parents. Men, not so much, and largely because of this imbalance, even progressive couples fall into this paradigm.

In the EU they mandate equal paid leave for both parents and require holding a job for them when they return to the workplace [0]. This means that not only are parents given the opportunity to share actual parenting, but also that their children wind up with better care by their actual parents for the vital early months of their existence.

It’s time the US adopted such protections and embraced them culturally.

[0] https://europa.eu/youreurope/business/human-resources/workin...

Re: What nobody says about startup moms

#24

Post by bladegash »

loxs wrote: post #8
anotha1 wrote: post #2

The focus on "start-ups" here, while not exclusively, does sway far toward the VC-model, of course because that's also YC's model. Is that model nearly incompatible with parenting? It might be. But that doesn't mean that there aren't parallel eco-systems of "start-ups" for those with various lifestyles (I know, lifestyle b**** is a dirty word here.).

I think they are quite incompatible. Me and my wife have a 1y4m old and we mostly don't do anything else nowadays. Other than that we have (had?) a startup that is now mostly on hold, except for some hacking that we do now and then when one of our mothers is around. We are very lucky that we are mostly financially independent from before our son was born, otherwise I would have to go work in an office and it would be…

I really do not mean any offense by this - but how is a nearly one and a half year old requiring full-time attention from two people?

I ask this as a single dad of two kids, one of them since they were < 1.

Re: What nobody says about startup moms

#25

Post by scooble »

intarga wrote: post #3

What is unacceptable to me is why this question is never asked of Fathers. I don’t think anyone would blink at hearing that a dad only sees his kids on weekends, but is it not just as harmful? Ultimately though, I fail to understand why anyone without the proper time to devote to a child would chose to have one.

I noted the article unquestioningly accepted the stereotype that men have less interest in spending time with their children than women.

It strikes me that questioning this assumption would be a very good thing for improving the situation of women in the workplace.

Re: What nobody says about startup moms

#26

Post by bryanrasmussen »

lstodd wrote: post #22

A kid is a startup. Running multiple startups is paralles is inefficient. What else is new?

>A kid is a startup. Running multiple startups is paralles is inefficient.

I guess, because if you have two startups of about 6+ years of age you can't just tell them to go to their room and play and leave you alone. hmm, maybe a kid isn't a startup after all.

Re: What nobody says about startup moms

#27

Post by adwn »

intergalplan wrote: post #9

> I remember chatting with a woman at a work event one night and asking if she needed to go home soon because of her kids. She replied, “No, I see my kids on weekends.” I couldn’t help but cringe thinking about what it would be like to only see my son on weekends. It seemed horrible! If you work 9-5 (really 8-5 most places) this is basically true anyway. Most of the time you get with them on weekdays may have some qu…

> [...] get back home at 5:30 or later just in time to throw together or eat dinner [...]

I generally get what you're saying, but the difference between

a) sharing dinner with your kids, putting them to bed, and reading them a bed-time story, and

b) not seeing them at all in the evening,

is huge.

Re: What nobody says about startup moms

#28

Post by zemvpferreira »

thepasswordis wrote: post #12

People probably assume that women are more likely to spend more time with their kids by observing the way that parents interact with their children in primate species (including in humans). Maybe we should be doing more stuff that supports women being able to have their kids at work with them (if they chose to work) instead of somehow implying that there is worth in forfeiting substantial portions of the healthy part…

As long as the children aren't present in the actual work place. I can't think of anything that would make the standard open-pit even more dreadful than children running around.

This might be an unpopular opinion in the U.S., but the workplace is meant for work. Stop "bringing your whole self" to work and instead carve out enough time in the week for your other priorities.

I've spent time with enough successful people that spend every evening with their family to stop believing the work-till-you-pass-out mythos. Daily productivity does not go past 4-5 good (plus 4-5 crap) hours a day for 99.9% of humans.

Re: What nobody says about startup moms

#29

Post by halbritt »

loceng wrote: post #6
anotha1 wrote: post #4

Earlier quoted context omitted.

Unscientifically, absent mother is seen as worse than absent father. I agree, and will may involuntarily postpone having kids because of that reason alone.

Absence of either is more or less even-equal of a problem: Jordan Peterson and Warren Farrell on The Boy Crisis and Gender Politics - https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=8AA1lR3CC4s

The content of this discussion does an excellent job of explaining the reasoning of the people that have downvoted this comment.

Re: What nobody says about startup moms

#30

Post by philangist »

thepasswordis wrote: post #12

People probably assume that women are more likely to spend more time with their kids by observing the way that parents interact with their children in primate species (including in humans). Maybe we should be doing more stuff that supports women being able to have their kids at work with them (if they chose to work) instead of somehow implying that there is worth in forfeiting substantial portions of the healthy part…

Some societies seem to have this figured out. I read an article recently about the Netherlands titled "Women in the Netherlands work less, have lesser titles and a big gender pay gap, and they love it" - https://slate.com/human-interest/2010/11/women-in-the-nether... - indicating that the work culture there provides a level of flexibility that actually allows women to spend significant amounts of time with their children as they grow up. It sounds a lot better for everyone involved than the American approach.
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