21–30 of 31 posts
I highly recommend this book to everyone. It's a little cheesy at times and reads like a self-help book, but the content is insightful and applicable everywhere.
The author here seems to be using "paraphrase" to mean mean both "mirroring" (repeat back using speaker's words) and "paraphrasing" (repeat back using listener's words). I think there are contexts when each is appropriate. For example, if I (speaker) am giving you (listener) instructions, it's good for you to paraphrase. That shows me how you are interpreting my language and that allows me to clarify. Mirroring doesn…
> They are using speech, in a sense, to think. Oh yes, indeed they are. I never truly understood why some people close to me would just dump random issues at me, repeatedly, and actively refuse any attempt at guiding the conversation towards a possible solution. I knew I was supposed to handle it by emphasizing and letting them vent out, but I never could quite understand the frame of mind that goes behind this talki…
I think it works because writing (or talking) engages different parts of the brain than thinking.
Earlier quoted context omitted.
> The __intent to understand__ seems to be the key thing in resolving misunderstandings here, both in online and in verbal communication Intent to understand is but one of many possible points of failure. The world is infinitely complex, but our minds have this nice feature where they hide the vast majority of that complexity from us. The problem is though, the simplification process is vastly different for each pers…
I think the intent to understand isn't a point of failure, but a potential solution (if it goes hand in hand with humility) to the problems you mentioned -- the one where we all come with our own programming and are all susceptible to various biases that further entrench our existing beliefs, and the one where we are unaware of this programming. Ideally we're all rationalists who can hear each other out and come to a…
I wonder if it's not just hard, but maybe even damn near (cognitively) impossible to be rational about politics, and other culture war topics. It seems to do very strange things to the mind.
I know the examples in the article are just for illustration, but man that would get annoying pretty fast - common sense scaling back would make it better, but then once again, is everyone on the same page then? And then we have the non-verbal world, like internet forums where tremendous amounts of interpersonal communication (and misunderstanding, leading to social disharmony) take place millions (billions?) of time…
> Teammate: Would you mind sending over this quarter’s product roadmap? > > Me: I see, so you want me to………sorry, could you repeat that? > > Teammate: Would you mind sending over this quarter’s product roadmap? > > Me: You want me to send over this quarter’s product roadmap. Yes, will do! If I heard this exchange out of context I would sincerely assume it was between a human and a digital assistant circa 2015.
https://smallbigideas.substack.com/p/understanding-bandwidth...
Earlier quoted context omitted.
> They are using speech, in a sense, to think. Oh yes, indeed they are. I never truly understood why some people close to me would just dump random issues at me, repeatedly, and actively refuse any attempt at guiding the conversation towards a possible solution. I knew I was supposed to handle it by emphasizing and letting them vent out, but I never could quite understand the frame of mind that goes behind this talki…
Sounds like the old trick of "write down your question, and you'll probably know the answer". I think it works because writing (or talking) engages different parts of the brain than thinking.
You mean, no more misunderstandings by parroting the when, why and how?
The author here seems to be using "paraphrase" to mean mean both "mirroring" (repeat back using speaker's words) and "paraphrasing" (repeat back using listener's words). I think there are contexts when each is appropriate. For example, if I (speaker) am giving you (listener) instructions, it's good for you to paraphrase. That shows me how you are interpreting my language and that allows me to clarify. Mirroring doesn…
> They are using speech, in a sense, to think. Oh yes, indeed they are. I never truly understood why some people close to me would just dump random issues at me, repeatedly, and actively refuse any attempt at guiding the conversation towards a possible solution. I knew I was supposed to handle it by emphasizing and letting them vent out, but I never could quite understand the frame of mind that goes behind this talki…
Earlier quoted context omitted.
> They are using speech, in a sense, to think. Oh yes, indeed they are. I never truly understood why some people close to me would just dump random issues at me, repeatedly, and actively refuse any attempt at guiding the conversation towards a possible solution. I knew I was supposed to handle it by emphasizing and letting them vent out, but I never could quite understand the frame of mind that goes behind this talki…
So you just dump your thoughts into a text file, and that's helps you clarify them and clean your head?
> “Studies in labor-management negotiations demonstrate that the time required to reach conflict resolution is cut in half when each negotiator agrees, before responding, to accurately repeat what the previous speaker had said.” - Marshall B. Rosenberg in Nonviolent Communication. Followed by: > Paraphrasing minimizes misunderstandings. At the end of a conversation, you and the speaker will leave with the same interp…
I kind of disagree. If I "parrot" (Accurately repeat) the original statement, it does not in any way demonstrate understanding, only memorization/note-taking. Restating, summarizing, or paraphrasing, shows that I understand sufficiently that I can describe it in my own words rather than memorization. Day in and day out I find that my team members who accurately repeat a statement of problem or solution, may not have…
>Restating, summarizing, or paraphrasing, shows that I understand sufficiently that I can describe it in my own words rather than memorization.
That's absolutely correct. Restating the concept(s) presented definitely provides confirmation that they have been heard and understood[0].
I'd only add that doing so may also alert the other party to a lack of understanding, requiring further discussion, which is arguably as or more useful than just assuming you are understood.
[0] See what I did there? :)
The author here seems to be using "paraphrase" to mean mean both "mirroring" (repeat back using speaker's words) and "paraphrasing" (repeat back using listener's words). I think there are contexts when each is appropriate. For example, if I (speaker) am giving you (listener) instructions, it's good for you to paraphrase. That shows me how you are interpreting my language and that allows me to clarify. Mirroring doesn…
> They are using speech, in a sense, to think. Oh yes, indeed they are. I never truly understood why some people close to me would just dump random issues at me, repeatedly, and actively refuse any attempt at guiding the conversation towards a possible solution. I knew I was supposed to handle it by emphasizing and letting them vent out, but I never could quite understand the frame of mind that goes behind this talki…