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How Inuit parents teach kids to control their anger (2019)

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Re: How Inuit parents teach kids to control their anger (2019)

#21

Post by gameswithgo »

sparker72678 wrote: post #11
choeger wrote: post #9

So a large part is to lie? I don't know. I mean, yes, I get angry by my children, and I don't know any parent that does not. Probably I get angry too often too early. But I really try hard never to lie to my kids. I even show them that I am angry because I think that's part of the game. Kids need to learn that other people have emotions. But telling stories about horrific creatures to avoid dangerous places? I don't…

This isn't a lie in the way we'd typically talk about lies. It isn't meant to deceive. It's a myth. As a child grows and discovers that there isn't really a monster in the sea, are they going to resent their parents when they understand the explanation? I think that's the difference here.

Perhaps these kinds of magical ideas that we teach our kids makes them more susceptible to believing various religions/cults are real. That would be a downside.

Re: How Inuit parents teach kids to control their anger (2019)

#22

Post by hutzlibu »

sekai wrote: post #13
choeger wrote: post #9

So a large part is to lie? I don't know. I mean, yes, I get angry by my children, and I don't know any parent that does not. Probably I get angry too often too early. But I really try hard never to lie to my kids. I even show them that I am angry because I think that's part of the game. Kids need to learn that other people have emotions. But telling stories about horrific creatures to avoid dangerous places? I don't…

You mean like how we lie about Santa Claus?

Maybe it is wrong, too?

Re: How Inuit parents teach kids to control their anger (2019)

#23

Post by draw_down »

Answer: social pressure/coercion.

> Even just showing a smidgen of frustration or irritation was considered weak and childlike, Briggs observed.

Because it's so unacceptable to show anger or frustration, I would suspect there is some release valve for it which is kept under wraps. I don't believe that these things magically disappear just because they're not acceptable.

These researchers who have lived among populations inevitably come away with a perception of that population which reflects what those people wanted to show. Like, if you lived among Catholics for a year in 1974, how much would you learn about the conspiracy to protect priests who abused children? You'd probably learn a hell of a lot more about how they celebrate Christmas or whatever. Nobody wants to talk about the underbelly of their community, people mostly don't even want to acknowledge it to themselves.

Re: How Inuit parents teach kids to control their anger (2019)

#24

Post by TheAdamAndChe »

dwohnitmok wrote: post #19
TheAdamAndChe wrote: post #12

Earlier quoted context omitted.

dwohnitmok in response to your edit, I agree this is the issue. Your link was fantastic and adds to the conversation.

But you're getting voted down too! (Maybe not anymore?) And ebg13 is getting absolutely destroyed.

That happens on HN, it can take a while for consensus to stabilize. Then another comment can come along and destabilize the consensus.

I try not to think about votes and instead of think about the signal-to-noise ratio of my comments. As long as we all try to learn and contribute positively to the community, occasional downvoted comments are fine.

Re: How Inuit parents teach kids to control their anger (2019)

#25

Post by tasogare »

ebg13 wrote: post #6
dwohnitmok wrote: post #2

The article seems fairly problematic. https://www.reddit.com/r/slatestarcodex/comments/b0so4h/how_... EDIT: Well this is proving to be a pretty wild ride. As far as I can tell both this post and its replies (by TheAdamAndChe and ebg13) are getting voted down, which is very surprising to me (I would've expected either/or not both). That leads me to believe there's something wrong with my link. Does HN know something a…

"Problematic" is a kind word for cherry-picked, misinterpreted, hypergeneralized, and contrary to available evidence with a hefty dose of noble savage xenoromanticism thrown in.

I’m always amazed at how English speakers took some loanwords from French, then derive their meanings up to the point they became offensive (examples: problematic, oriental). The issue is that for non-English native speakers those overloads are easy to miss (and usually absent from dictionaries), and a post can be made pretty trollish accidentally.

Re: How Inuit parents teach kids to control their anger (2019)

#26

Post by bobthechef »

First, we mustn't discount the importance of properly expressed anger. Just as there is such a thing as excess or inappropriate anger, there is also such a thing as deficient and inappropriate anger. What "inappropriate" and "excess"/"deficient" anger are will require mature situational judgement on the part of the parent. There's no way around that, and defaulting to "no displays of anger" is not a true substitute. Anger is in fact necessary to convey, both to children and adults (though the degree and manner will vary), the gravity of an injustice and this communication enables remorse, repentance, seeking forgiveness, and edification. It is one elements in shaping discipline and character. That doesn't mean flying off the handle like a madman, of course. Reason should remain intact.

Second, lying to children with silly stories is not a solution. It's one thing if you tell the child a funny story with the understanding that the child doesn't really believe it, but rather finds it both amusing to imagine and comprehends the underlying message. It's an entirely different thing to outright lie. Lying is never admissible, certainly never noble, and will only work to undermine trust toward parents and consequently parental authority.

P.S. Is there perhaps an element of romanticism in this article?

Re: How Inuit parents teach kids to control their anger (2019)

#27

Post by hutzlibu »

oh_sigh wrote: post #18
choeger wrote: post #9

So a large part is to lie? I don't know. I mean, yes, I get angry by my children, and I don't know any parent that does not. Probably I get angry too often too early. But I really try hard never to lie to my kids. I even show them that I am angry because I think that's part of the game. Kids need to learn that other people have emotions. But telling stories about horrific creatures to avoid dangerous places? I don't…

Do you not let your children read fiction books, since they are just filled with lies that the author imagined? Your comment about 'never lying' sounds like you take it to almost a pathological level.

There is a huge differenc between fantasy and making uo stories, which is great - and intentional misleading someone.

So the story with the seamonster .. might be seen as a imaginative way of giving the truth about the dangers of the sea. (But I would just go with the general DANGER, so far I have not been to the sea with my toddler, but on rivers. And he respects it, without being scared irrational)

Re: How Inuit parents teach kids to control their anger (2019)

#28

Post by kweinber »

sekai wrote: post #13
choeger wrote: post #9

So a large part is to lie? I don't know. I mean, yes, I get angry by my children, and I don't know any parent that does not. Probably I get angry too often too early. But I really try hard never to lie to my kids. I even show them that I am angry because I think that's part of the game. Kids need to learn that other people have emotions. But telling stories about horrific creatures to avoid dangerous places? I don't…

You mean like how we lie about Santa Claus?

No. . .its more like stories about Hell.

Re: How Inuit parents teach kids to control their anger (2019)

#29

Post by tzs »

> Winter temperatures could easily dip below minus 40 degrees Fahrenheit

Trivia: you can omit "Fahrenheit" after -40 without introducing ambiguity. -40 F == -40 C. (You can assume it is not K or Ra because those place their 0 points at absolute zero so -40 K or -40 Ra is not possible).

Re: How Inuit parents teach kids to control their anger (2019)

#30

Post by oh_sigh »

hutzlibu wrote: post #27
oh_sigh wrote: post #18

Earlier quoted context omitted.

Do you not let your children read fiction books, since they are just filled with lies that the author imagined? Your comment about 'never lying' sounds like you take it to almost a pathological level.

There is a huge differenc between fantasy and making uo stories, which is great - and intentional misleading someone. So the story with the seamonster .. might be seen as a imaginative way of giving the truth about the dangers of the sea. (But I would just go with the general DANGER, so far I have not been to the sea with my toddler, but on rivers. And he respects it, without being scared irrational)

There's no indication that Inuit children become irrationally scared of the ocean because of the sea monster story they're told.
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