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Common templates to help you say “no”

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Re: Common templates to help you say “no”

#21

Post by stickfigure »

commandlinefan wrote: post #19
stickfigure wrote: post #18

IMO most of these are terrible. They're all far too long. Go ahead and explain yourself to friends and family members; random business contacts (especially cold calls) don't need three paragraphs of text explaining your policies around human interaction. "Sorry, not interested at this time" is almost always enough. If they write back asking "when", just ignore.

Yeah, the trick isn't saying "no", the trick is saying no without burning any bridges. Much harder.

A short 'no' doesn't burn bridges. A long-winded explanation full of half-truths might.

Re: Common templates to help you say “no”

#22

Post by bartread »

This is ridiculous:

> Unfortunately, I’m not able to attend because of prior scheduling—but please keep me updated with action items I may be able to help with.

Way to make yourself a doormat.

I have literally never offered to take on action items from a meeting I don't plan to attend, even by implication as here, and I'm certainly not about to start now.

Of course I'm happy to help people but they need to ask explicitly and specifically because, at the end of the day, we're all pretty busy.

Re: Common templates to help you say “no”

#23

Post by jerf »

jameslk wrote: post #20

A lesson I learned from a sales friend of mine (often the hard way): if you really want to say no, don't give reasons why you're saying no. Just simply say "no, sorry" Once you start giving your reasoning, the other side can negotiate a compromise or attempt to persuade you into thinking your no is a bad idea. The more information you provide, the more they can use it against you. If you don't have time for that, jus…

You also have to watch for the attempt to extract a reason from you. Sometimes it'll be a bald "why not?" but sometimes it's more subtle like "Oh, spending more time with the family, huh?" trying to leave you socially obligated to affirm, deny, or correct it. I find a very neutral "mmmm" to be a pretty good disengagement; you clearly heard them, but it doesn't affirm, deny, correct, or really leave any opening for them to wedge into without crossing over the politeness line to the point that you can openly call them out if they keep pursuing it.

Re: Common templates to help you say “no”

#24

Post by blast »

bartread wrote: post #22

This is ridiculous: > Unfortunately, I’m not able to attend because of prior scheduling—but please keep me updated with action items I may be able to help with. Way to make yourself a doormat. I have literally never offered to take on action items from a meeting I don't plan to attend, even by implication as here, and I'm certainly not about to start now. Of course I'm happy to help people but they need to ask explic…

To me it reads more as passive-aggressive, not a serious offer to "keep them updated" but a weasly way of saying "I would prefer not to". Same with "Unfortunately, I’m not able to attend because of prior scheduling".

Re: Common templates to help you say “no”

#25

Post by pell »

lolsal wrote: post #17

I find some of these disingenuous: > Unfortunately, I won’t be able to make it to [Event] on [date]. But thanks again for sending an invitation my way. That's not saying "No". That's giving an excuse as to why you can't make it. Better to say "No, I'm not interested" or something along those lines.

There's no excuse there. It's simply a polite way to decline an invitation.

Re: Common templates to help you say “no”

#26

Post by LikeAnElephant »

stickfigure wrote: post #21
commandlinefan wrote: post #19

Earlier quoted context omitted.

Yeah, the trick isn't saying "no", the trick is saying no without burning any bridges. Much harder.

A short 'no' doesn't burn bridges. A long-winded explanation full of half-truths might.

You're fortunate to be able to simply say "No." without it being taken as curt or rude. That's not the case for me personally, and a lot of other people.

In a perfect world, that should be all that needs to be said. In reality, people and emotions are complicated.

Re: Common templates to help you say “no”

#27

Post by stronglikedan »

stickfigure wrote: post #18

IMO most of these are terrible. They're all far too long. Go ahead and explain yourself to friends and family members; random business contacts (especially cold calls) don't need three paragraphs of text explaining your policies around human interaction. "Sorry, not interested at this time" is almost always enough. If they write back asking "when", just ignore.

Even friends and family get the, "Sorry I can't. I already have plans." from me. They don't have to know my "plans" are to gorge myself on the couch by myself while binging television.

Re: Common templates to help you say “no”

#29

Post by inshadows »

pell wrote: post #25
lolsal wrote: post #17

I find some of these disingenuous: > Unfortunately, I won’t be able to make it to [Event] on [date]. But thanks again for sending an invitation my way. That's not saying "No". That's giving an excuse as to why you can't make it. Better to say "No, I'm not interested" or something along those lines.

There's no excuse there. It's simply a polite way to decline an invitation.

The excuse is that you'll not be able to make it. The implication for the reader is that if you were able to make it, you'd come. But you actually can make, you just don't want to come. It's pure excuse and lie.
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