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Ask HN: What utility function are you maximizing in your life?
21–27 of 27 posts
Re: Ask HN: What utility function are you maximizing in your life?
#22Least future regret. That is, when faced with a consequentional decision, I ask myself, "ten years from now, how much will I regret [not] doing this?" I find this helps roll up a healthy combination of long-term thinking and YOLO-ness into a single easy metric. YMMV. Example: I'm an introvert in my mid 30s. Lately I've been taking many more opportunities to bond with and make friends which I wouldn't have done for va…
I had employed that utility function, until I realized that I have no regrets over any of my past actions, even dumb ones. The past is the past.
I'm not sure when I adopted this mentality. Perhaps after the death of my mother.
Minimizing regret makes no sense, unless you know that regret will consume your thoughts when older. I'm nearing 40 and I'm already at the point where I can't do many of the things I took for granted (e.g., find a romantic partner easily, feel energized enough to be with friends, have heaps of time to be with my dad), but I don't find myself saying "gosh, I wish I had done this and that back then when I could." Even with my mother. There are some things I wish I could have said. But those thoughts don't consume me. It seems pointless to dwell on the past. Instead, I cherish it like a treasure. Like an old hard drive. I don't wish any sequence of bits was any different. It is what it is.
I did the thing that I considered right at the time, and while I can see that many of my decisions were incredibly stupid, I don't regret them one bit.
I find myself needing a better utility function these days to guide my life, but I haven't found it yet. Suggestions welcome.
Re: Ask HN: What utility function are you maximizing in your life?
#23Death-bed regret. I keep finding surprising consequences of such utility function: balancing daily energy, resting, active work towards higher purpose, enjoying time with friends, calling my parents, helping others, resolving relationship conflicts structurally, long-term investing and financial stability, more courage in general.
If you die instantaneously, your death-bed regret is 0, right?
Even if you don't, it will probably not exist. Say, god forbid, you get diagnosed with cancer. Your energy will likely be spent on fighting it, or if terminal, likely in enjoying the last days of your life without pain or finding meaning. Personally, I wouldn't dwell on the things I should have don't but didn't. That would be a waste of precious life.
Re: Ask HN: What utility function are you maximizing in your life?
#24Least future regret. That is, when faced with a consequentional decision, I ask myself, "ten years from now, how much will I regret [not] doing this?" I find this helps roll up a healthy combination of long-term thinking and YOLO-ness into a single easy metric. YMMV. Example: I'm an introvert in my mid 30s. Lately I've been taking many more opportunities to bond with and make friends which I wouldn't have done for va…
Jeff Bezos famously promotes this idea. It’s a good complement to the Steve Jobs quote about waking up, looking at yourself in the mirror, and checking if you’re excited about what you’ll be doing that day. If not, it’s time for a change.
Another way of putting this is that nobody is on their death bed wishing they did less.
Re: Ask HN: What utility function are you maximizing in your life?
#25I should probably not be cited as an example, but most of the time I tend to minimize annoyances and conflicts. I am pretty bad at handling them, so I avoid them. This leaves much free time and especially free brain time for family and personal learning goals.
Re: Ask HN: What utility function are you maximizing in your life?
#26Time spent with kids.
Time spent with family and friends.
Time spent teaching kids skills that I have (math).
Learning Technical and life skills.
Making society better.
-- in that order.Re: Ask HN: What utility function are you maximizing in your life?
#27Death-bed regret. I keep finding surprising consequences of such utility function: balancing daily energy, resting, active work towards higher purpose, enjoying time with friends, calling my parents, helping others, resolving relationship conflicts structurally, long-term investing and financial stability, more courage in general.
If you die instantaneously, your death-bed regret is 0, right?
Yes, but I optimize death-bed regret at this point, when I am alive. Let's say I regret how I behaved to a certain person in the past. When I wholeheartedly apologize and truly regret it, I see the death-bed regret be lower for all days afterwards.
It's like via-negativa for hapinnes [1]: being more happy by removing things that makes me unhappy.
[1] Nassim Taleb - Antifragile