I posted a link to the book the WSJ article is based on earlier today: http://news.ycombinator.com/item?id=2218045
The Secret to a Happy Marriage: Do the Dishes, Put Out, Don’t Talk So Much
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Re: The Secret to a Happy Marriage: Do the Dishes, Put Out, Don’t Talk So Much
#22it seem ridiculous to tell married people they should have sex (with each other)
lmao on the (with each other) emphasis :)
Re: The Secret to a Happy Marriage: Do the Dishes, Put Out, Don’t Talk So Much
#23Then party like it's 1950. ETA: With the growing number of men who refuse to pick up every check, plan every date/event, act as sole provider for the family, purchase gifts regularly for their other half, etc. for fear of marrying a woman who is too focused on money... I'm really beginning to wonder what women are getting out of this marriage deal anymore.
I would like to know more about the 4 people that voted this comment up from zero.
Re: The Secret to a Happy Marriage: Do the Dishes, Put Out, Don’t Talk So Much
#24Do the dishes. Buying a dishwasher was one of the best purchases for our relationship.
Don't forget to do the minimum that's expected at least. eg cleaning up after oneself. Putting dishes in the sink != cleaning up. Especially if they have time to do it.
Re: The Secret to a Happy Marriage: Do the Dishes, Put Out, Don’t Talk So Much
#25Then party like it's 1950. ETA: With the growing number of men who refuse to pick up every check, plan every date/event, act as sole provider for the family, purchase gifts regularly for their other half, etc. for fear of marrying a woman who is too focused on money... I'm really beginning to wonder what women are getting out of this marriage deal anymore.
Perhaps it's just that, you know, nowadays they don't have to feel like prostitutes?
Because I sure would if my spouse kept buying me things just so I'd put out.
Re: The Secret to a Happy Marriage: Do the Dishes, Put Out, Don’t Talk So Much
#26Earlier quoted context omitted.
This works well for women, not so well for men. For men, typically making a visible effort will cause your spouse to perceive you as weak and low value. This will only make things worse.
[citation needed]
I recommend The Red Queen if you want to start learning about this. The short answer: men largely choose mates based on looks; women choose based more on social status. Signalling low social status reduces male attractiveness; signalling high social status raises it.
n = 1, but this has worked for me. Deliberately act like you can take it or leave it, and you're unlikely to be left. (And note that women initiate the majority of breakups and divorces, so you're not risking much if you risk a breakup.)
Re: The Secret to a Happy Marriage: Do the Dishes, Put Out, Don’t Talk So Much
#27This is the first popular publication article I've seen that has given the very important cognitive overload aspect of nagging--and especially multi-pronged nagging litany, which seems to be the most common kind--the treatment it deserves: But when it comes to nagging reminders about what your spouse still has to do after a long day working for the man—take out the recycling, walk the dog, write a thank-you letter, d…
This doesn't actually take into account that the naggee can influence this. As a 12 year old, I remember finally getting so sick of my Dad nagging me to mow the lawn, that I started doing it before he had a chance to.
As long as mowing the lawn was +/- the only thing he was nagging you about, I could see how that could work.
Re: The Secret to a Happy Marriage: Do the Dishes, Put Out, Don’t Talk So Much
#28Then party like it's 1950. ETA: With the growing number of men who refuse to pick up every check, plan every date/event, act as sole provider for the family, purchase gifts regularly for their other half, etc. for fear of marrying a woman who is too focused on money... I'm really beginning to wonder what women are getting out of this marriage deal anymore.
50% after the divorce?
Re: The Secret to a Happy Marriage: Do the Dishes, Put Out, Don’t Talk So Much
#29Earlier quoted context omitted.
[citation needed]
I recommend The Red Queen if you want to start learning about this. The short answer: men largely choose mates based on looks; women choose based more on social status. Signalling low social status reduces male attractiveness; signalling high social status raises it. n = 1, but this has worked for me. Deliberately act like you can take it or leave it, and you're unlikely to be left. (And note that women initiate the…
[deleted]
Re: The Secret to a Happy Marriage: Do the Dishes, Put Out, Don’t Talk So Much
#30I would group it all into one tip: Make an effort with your relationship. Like everything good in life it takes work to have a good relationship. If you make an effort to have a good relationship, applying thought and energy day to day, you will grow a healthy satisfying relationship.
"Making an effort" might encourage people to talk more during the worst times (like right after work).