Are we happier when we spend more time with others? • Hacker News Board

Re: Are we happier when we spend more time with others?

#21

Post by factsaresacred » Wed, Jul 24, 2019, 4:15 AM UTC

toomanybeersies wrote: post #15

It is just me, or does "at least once a month" not really seem like regular interaction with friends? I'd have thought at least once a week would qualify as regular. Once a month seems really irregular, I couldn't imagine seeing my friends only a dozen times a year. Is this common?

I'd spend entire years seeing friends almost daily. In school, during the summer, and then when living together.

Now we see each other, at max, once every few months. That's just adulthood, and tbh it seems natural.

An active Whatsapp group and a quarterly weekend away together is enough to keep the bonds strong.

Re: Are we happier when we spend more time with others?

#22

Post by axaxs » Wed, Jul 24, 2019, 4:23 AM UTC

Anecdotally... I am, but I seem doomed.

I'm not really antisocial. In fact, I can become overtalkative at times when in a social setting. But, given the option, I never seem to want to 'get out' and socialize. Though, when I force myself to, I am in such a better mood for a few days. Then, back to normal, and avoiding social gatherings again until the next time.

Re: Are we happier when we spend more time with others?

#23

Post by forgotmypw » Wed, Jul 24, 2019, 4:36 AM UTC

axaxs wrote: post #22

Anecdotally... I am, but I seem doomed. I'm not really antisocial. In fact, I can become overtalkative at times when in a social setting. But, given the option, I never seem to want to 'get out' and socialize. Though, when I force myself to, I am in such a better mood for a few days. Then, back to normal, and avoiding social gatherings again until the next time.

I think this is common. In small/tribal communities, this is often mitigated by group events on a regular basis, as well as smaller circles that all check on each other.

Re: Are we happier when we spend more time with others?

#24

Post by chantelles » Wed, Jul 24, 2019, 4:46 AM UTC

jchw wrote: post #14

cjpb wrote: post #13

Earlier quoted context omitted.

You raise some good points. I also believe personality types play a large part, for example I'm an introvert, and while spending time with others makes me happy - that can easily be negated if I spend too much time with others or don't have a chance to come up for air (e.g. some alone time). Not to mention the personality types of others as well. I have introverted friends whom I can quite happily spend weeks at a ti…

I agree, being introverted definitely seems to impact the amount of time you want to spend with others, though I am maybe somewhat different in my preferences. I absolutely enjoy spending time with people, but even spending time with other introverted folks can be tiring for me, because sometimes I just want to sit in a quiet room completely alone. (Many of my other, also very introverted friends, disagree and can sp…

Yep. Though I am gregarious, I grew up very isolated with very little interaction even with parents and my biggest problem as an adult is remembering to make time alone for myself because if I do not I grow less patient with people around me. But I also know that many people need to always be with people and I wonder: am I a result of a strange/bad upbringing? So I have committed to spending time with people but there is nothing I love more than a week totally alone and my happiest memories are months where I lived completely alone. One trick for balance: living in countries where I do not speak the language is an excellent way to be around people but have peace.

Re: Are we happier when we spend more time with others?

#25

Post by rjf72 » Wed, Jul 24, 2019, 4:58 AM UTC

ghi5goio3qno4i3 wrote: post #3

I've always wondered about these kinds of studies. For example, let's say we took a loner and gave them a 24/7 health monitor system that also helped apply preventative and corrective treatments, would someone live just as long as someone with a social support network? Presumably at some point in the near future we're going reach that level of technical accessibility for the average consumer, I would wonder perhaps i…

The BBC ran a phenomenal article here [1] detailing a wide array of data on the longevity of people through the ages. How long did higher class Ancient Greeks live? Ancient Greece dates back to starting around 3,300 years ago. In spite of their remarkable technological achievements they remained almost entirely ignorant of medicine. They relied on a system based around the 'four humors' - blood, phlegm, yellow/black bile. They had no clue about germs or any other basic fundamentals of modern medicine. Vaccines? You need to wait about 3,000 years. And their hygenic habits are the sort we'd find pretty questionable. For instance they obviously did not have rolls of 2 ply at their toilets. Instead what they had were sponges - butt brushes. One guy'd do his business. You'd come in, and give the well used sponge a swirl about in some water. For the fancy toilets, you might give it a swirl in some vinegar. And then you'd have your go.

So how long did they live? The BBC article mentioned a 'census' of the longevity of individuals we now are familiar with. The median life expectancy was 72 years. Pythagorus - 75, Hippocrates - 90, Plato - 80, etc. Of course there's some some selection bias there, but there is also other evidence of their longevity as well. For instance in Ancient Rome one could not hold the office of Consul until reaching the age of 43, first office was not available until age 30. Another mildly intriguing part anecdote there is that the life expectancy declined pretty substantially for those born in the latter part of the civilization (after 100BC) to only 66 years. The likely culprit there is the installation of significant public piping systems... made out of lead. They inadvertently poisoned themselves for centuries.

The article also goes on to analyze numerous other sources than tend to paint a recurring picture: there was high infant and youth mortality, but people who made it to adulthood tended to have a life expectancy not all that different than we do today. It seems to suggest that a large part of our increased life expectancy is not from the trillions of dollars we've spent on trying to find a [profit making] pill for everything, but instead from very simple things like access to clean water and food.

[1] - http://www.bbc.com/future/story/20181002-how-long-did-ancien...

Re: Are we happier when we spend more time with others?

#26

Post by cryptozeus » Wed, Jul 24, 2019, 4:58 AM UTC

May be not a popular opinion but I think we feel happier when we spend friends because it helps us forget about ourselves and inner dialogues. I don’t mean it in a sad or depressing way but our mind chatters all the time and it’s exhausting for the body’s resources.

Spending time with others gives us break from that.

Re: Are we happier when we spend more time with others?

#27

Post by _8j50 » Wed, Jul 24, 2019, 5:07 AM UTC

In my experience no human is ok with being socially isolated for a long period of time. But difficulty with forming healthy social relationships makes the experience of attempting to "warm up" to others very unpleasant to people who don't get social exposure to begin with. Especially for anyone that performs extensive introspection it is very difficult and the experience can be interpreted as unhappiness.

I think maybe being with others is most pleasant when one has a healthy relationship with one's self.

Re: Are we happier when we spend more time with others?

#28

Post by chewz » Wed, Jul 24, 2019, 5:29 AM UTC

jerryuen wrote: post #4

I found this study to be a good reference but I question how useful some of the data are for 20-30 years old people nowadays because: 1. The study started in 1938, which is a very different time comparing to today. Young people has way more options to enjoy life alone such as traveling, playing video games, watching youtube by themselves just to name a few. 2. The participants are mostly 90 years old now and it is un…

> Young people has way more options to enjoy life such as traveling, playing video games, watching youtube by themselves

This is killing time not enjoying life.

Re: Are we happier when we spend more time with others?

#29

Post by chewz » Wed, Jul 24, 2019, 5:32 AM UTC

cryptozeus wrote: post #26

May be not a popular opinion but I think we feel happier when we spend friends because it helps us forget about ourselves and inner dialogues. I don’t mean it in a sad or depressing way but our mind chatters all the time and it’s exhausting for the body’s resources. Spending time with others gives us break from that.

All of man’s problems stem from his inability to sit quietly in a room alone. -Blaise Pascal

Re: Are we happier when we spend more time with others?

#30

Post by ghi5goio3qno4i3 » Wed, Jul 24, 2019, 5:34 AM UTC

lonelappde wrote: post #11

ghi5goio3qno4i3 wrote: post #3

I've always wondered about these kinds of studies. For example, let's say we took a loner and gave them a 24/7 health monitor system that also helped apply preventative and corrective treatments, would someone live just as long as someone with a social support network? Presumably at some point in the near future we're going reach that level of technical accessibility for the average consumer, I would wonder perhaps i…

If loneliness causes poor health habits, a machine that cures poor health habits would be an exquisite device for psychological torture - removing the possibility of death while preserving all the yearning for it. Asimov wrote a story once about that -- a selfish and suffering God who tortured brilliant souls by giving them eternal life so they would help God in God's quest for a method of suicide that would kill an…

Do you happen to know the name of the story?

And in the context of the story, would it not be plausible that they would acclimate to being isolated from their peers? There is precedent. In WW2 there were Japanese soldiers that remained fighting their war for decades after Japan surrendered, cut off from anyone that they could feasible interact with as they still believed they were deep in enemy territory, coming out only when their commanding officer relieved them of duty.