The Hand Licking Incident • Hacker News Board

Re: The Hand Licking Incident

#21

Post by aklemm » Mon, Jan 07, 2019, 2:40 AM UTC

khazhou wrote: post #13

Eh, this article was a bit "Reader's Digest". Parent tries to solve problem, gives up and lets fate have its way, problem goes away when parent wasn't looking, parent-child have a moment of trust which reveals that the problem was something simple all along. Life lesson learned. How about when it's not a simple underlying problem ("hands get dry in cold climate")? A speech impediment which is cute in a small kid but…

You're missing a deep and prevalent problem described in the message of this story. Parents feel pressure to crank on their kids and when they aren't getting to the problem, it can quickly become borderline abusive. This is COMMON, and not every parent eventually figures it out. This is a call to find real solutions and stay humane along the way. I love it.

Re: The Hand Licking Incident

#22

Post by DoreenMichele » Mon, Jan 07, 2019, 2:40 AM UTC

khazhou wrote: post #13

Eh, this article was a bit "Reader's Digest". Parent tries to solve problem, gives up and lets fate have its way, problem goes away when parent wasn't looking, parent-child have a moment of trust which reveals that the problem was something simple all along. Life lesson learned. How about when it's not a simple underlying problem ("hands get dry in cold climate")? A speech impediment which is cute in a small kid but…

How about when it's not a simple underlying problem ("hands get dry in cold climate")? A speech impediment which is cute in a small kid but weird in middle school and socially+career-limiting in an adult. Or an aggression issue. Or one of the many spectrum issues, which won't go away by moving to a warmer climate.

Author here.

I had all of those issues. Both my sons are Twice Exceptional. One has a bad temper and is prone to violence. They both likely qualify as ASD. One had a serious speech impediment. He still has a speech impediment, but most people don't realize it.

All of those were easier to deal with because my kids trusted me. Trust was absolutely critical for resolving the hardest problems.

It's one post, so it's not going to answer everything. Hopefully, things will get fleshed out over time in a useful way for parents with such concerns, assuming I can get engagement and also find time to do this kind of writing instead of freelance writing to keep the lights on and food on the table.

Re: The Hand Licking Incident

#23

Post by porphyrogene » Mon, Jan 07, 2019, 2:42 AM UTC

You struck your child because he was licking his hands.

Sometimes things are so hard and so overwhelming that you become a slave to your overwhelming misery and do things that you would never do with a sound mind. That does not mean that those actions are exempt from criticism. Most of the people on death row were likely of unsound mind when they did whatever landed them in that pointless punitive boondoggle.

If you can stomach abusing a child physically with intent then you and your spouse will likely continue to abuse him in one way or another when things get a little too stressful. As a former abused child I can assure you that he will forget. Then, when he is able to see children from an adult’s perspective, he will remember. He may bury his contempt and convince himself that you were right and that he should hit his own kids. Or he may lose respect for you. The latter would be the healthier response.

Re: The Hand Licking Incident

#24

Post by [deleted] » Mon, Jan 07, 2019, 2:42 AM UTC

khazhou wrote: post #7

chasontherobot wrote: post #6

This article is about parenting, but I think it also applies to management. How often have you been dealing with a crisis at work when management is pressuring people to put in a solution, any solution and it ends up just making things worse or causing bigger issues down the line?

What's helped me cope with pressure from bosses was the realization that when they're shitting on someone, it's usually because their own boss is shitting on them (and on upwards). Then it's less personal, less an issue of someone in authority judging your performance, and becomes more of a team effort/problem: I will try to fix the issues, so that my boss's issue goes away, so his boss's issue goes away, and then we…

[deleted]

Re: The Hand Licking Incident

#25

Post by sdrothrock » Mon, Jan 07, 2019, 2:45 AM UTC

DoreenMichele wrote: post #22

khazhou wrote: post #13

Eh, this article was a bit "Reader's Digest". Parent tries to solve problem, gives up and lets fate have its way, problem goes away when parent wasn't looking, parent-child have a moment of trust which reveals that the problem was something simple all along. Life lesson learned. How about when it's not a simple underlying problem ("hands get dry in cold climate")? A speech impediment which is cute in a small kid but…

How about when it's not a simple underlying problem ("hands get dry in cold climate")? A speech impediment which is cute in a small kid but weird in middle school and socially+career-limiting in an adult. Or an aggression issue. Or one of the many spectrum issues, which won't go away by moving to a warmer climate. Author here. I had all of those issues. Both my sons are Twice Exceptional. One has a bad temper and is…

> Both my sons are Twice Exceptional

I've never heard of this before -- what does it mean?

Re: The Hand Licking Incident

#26

Post by DoreenMichele » Mon, Jan 07, 2019, 2:47 AM UTC

sdrothrock wrote: post #25

DoreenMichele wrote: post #22

Earlier quoted context omitted.

How about when it's not a simple underlying problem ("hands get dry in cold climate")? A speech impediment which is cute in a small kid but weird in middle school and socially+career-limiting in an adult. Or an aggression issue. Or one of the many spectrum issues, which won't go away by moving to a warmer climate. Author here. I had all of those issues. Both my sons are Twice Exceptional. One has a bad temper and is…

> Both my sons are Twice Exceptional I've never heard of this before -- what does it mean?

Gifted plus special needs. Often described as "gifted and learning disabled," but it's really a gifted child with any disability.

https://en.m.wikipedia.org/wiki/Twice_exceptional

Re: The Hand Licking Incident

#27

Post by Simon_says » Mon, Jan 07, 2019, 2:47 AM UTC

sdrothrock wrote: post #25

DoreenMichele wrote: post #22

Earlier quoted context omitted.

How about when it's not a simple underlying problem ("hands get dry in cold climate")? A speech impediment which is cute in a small kid but weird in middle school and socially+career-limiting in an adult. Or an aggression issue. Or one of the many spectrum issues, which won't go away by moving to a warmer climate. Author here. I had all of those issues. Both my sons are Twice Exceptional. One has a bad temper and is…

> Both my sons are Twice Exceptional I've never heard of this before -- what does it mean?

A nice way of saying two disabilities.

Re: The Hand Licking Incident

#28

Post by [deleted] » Mon, Jan 07, 2019, 2:48 AM UTC

khazhou wrote: post #13

Eh, this article was a bit "Reader's Digest". Parent tries to solve problem, gives up and lets fate have its way, problem goes away when parent wasn't looking, parent-child have a moment of trust which reveals that the problem was something simple all along. Life lesson learned. How about when it's not a simple underlying problem ("hands get dry in cold climate")? A speech impediment which is cute in a small kid but…

[deleted]

Re: The Hand Licking Incident

#29

Post by timb07 » Mon, Jan 07, 2019, 2:48 AM UTC

chasontherobot wrote: post #6

This article is about parenting, but I think it also applies to management. How often have you been dealing with a crisis at work when management is pressuring people to put in a solution, any solution and it ends up just making things worse or causing bigger issues down the line?

One of the best pieces of advice I've received as a sysadmin was "Don't just do something, stand there!" :)

Re: The Hand Licking Incident

#30

Post by sdrothrock » Mon, Jan 07, 2019, 2:48 AM UTC

DoreenMichele wrote: post #26

sdrothrock wrote: post #25

Earlier quoted context omitted.

> Both my sons are Twice Exceptional I've never heard of this before -- what does it mean?

Gifted plus special needs. Often described as "gifted and learning disabled," but it's really a gifted child with any disability. https://en.m.wikipedia.org/wiki/Twice_exceptional

Thank you! It says that it came around in the mid 90s, which would have been when I was in elementary school, but I've never heard of the term despite fitting in the group. I wonder if it was related to a certain set of schools/philosophies.