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My Quadriplegic Husband and Me

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Re: My Quadriplegic Husband and Me

#21

Post by scarface74 »

Abishek_Muthian wrote: post #14

The prejudices which a disabled person faces or their partner in this case are humongous. I'm a dwarf with limb deformities, as CEO of a startup I perform the role of at-least dozen able-bodied people of my age each day. Still, since people who I haven't met personally don't know I'm a dwarf expect a 6ft Suite clad man at the business meeting; at the meeting I can see the sense of disappointment when they see me init…

Always remember, a disabled person see's themselves as disabled only in the eyes of the people with prejudices.

I really hate these aphorisms. I have a mild disability - I have cerebral palsy that affects mostly my left hand and to minor degree my left foot. While I've done a lot of things that most people haven't done - run half marathons, was a part time fitness instructor for over a decade, etc., I know I'm inconvenienced by my disability every time I have to ask other people to do things for me that requires the use of both hands.

Almost any disability comes with certain inconveniences that remind you everyday of what you either can't do or that takes you longer.

Re: My Quadriplegic Husband and Me

#22

Post by hammock »

urahara wrote: post #15
zaptheimpaler wrote: post #9

Earlier quoted context omitted.

It reminds me of privileged people who dont care about safety nets, rich people who dont care about high taxes, innocent people who couldnt care less about throwing weed dealers in jail for 10 years, healthy people who have no concern for healthcare costs... People lack the imagination to really put themselves in others shoes. They are shitty and cruel when they cant empathize. And they have little incentive to try.

Exactly. This is a problem of lack of imagination and empathy. How do you think it can be fixed in mass? I think we need mechanisms that make people understand experiences of disadvantaged groups. Like maybe some VR app showing their reality + some laws that those who deny other groups problems must use it.

>Like maybe some VR app showing their reality + some laws that those who deny other groups problems must use it.

Texas has this for abortions. The law requires that a woman get a sonogram from the doctor who will be performing the procedure at least 24 hours beforehand, during which the doctor must display sonogram images and make the heartbeat audible to the mother.

It's controversial.

Re: My Quadriplegic Husband and Me

#23

Post by putlake »

Abishek_Muthian wrote: post #14

The prejudices which a disabled person faces or their partner in this case are humongous. I'm a dwarf with limb deformities, as CEO of a startup I perform the role of at-least dozen able-bodied people of my age each day. Still, since people who I haven't met personally don't know I'm a dwarf expect a 6ft Suite clad man at the business meeting; at the meeting I can see the sense of disappointment when they see me init…

I don't want to minimize the level of prejudice that you face but know that every deviation from a heterosexual cis-gendered neurotypical able-bodied white American male is a trigger for discrimination.

Colored woman? 2 levels of prejudice. Immigrant with an accent? Prejudice. Autistic? prejudice. Transgender? you guessed it - prejudice.

Re: My Quadriplegic Husband and Me

#24

Post by adrianN »

zaptheimpaler wrote: post #20
adam-seeliger wrote: post #7

Earlier quoted context omitted.

People do, but you will never change people.

People used to think murder and theft were OK before religion came along. Society is a tool to change people. People most certainly can be changed... maybe difficult for individuals but across generations a lot can happen.

Citation needed. I'm pretty sure murder and theft are frowned upon even in groups of monkeys.

Re: My Quadriplegic Husband and Me

#25

Post by zaptheimpaler »

adrianN wrote: post #24
zaptheimpaler wrote: post #20

Earlier quoted context omitted.

People used to think murder and theft were OK before religion came along. Society is a tool to change people. People most certainly can be changed... maybe difficult for individuals but across generations a lot can happen.

Citation needed. I'm pretty sure murder and theft are frowned upon even in groups of monkeys.

Find a citation yourself if it bothers you. Or you know, try to understand what im saying rather than nitpicking, pick another example like widespread racism and genocide which was once common and now isnt.

Also read this https://medium.com/incerto/the-intellectual-yet-idiot-13211e...

Re: My Quadriplegic Husband and Me

#26

Post by evincarofautumn »

zaptheimpaler wrote: post #9
DoreenMichele wrote: post #5

TLDR: "Hell is other people." I wish I had more to add. I don't. No one in my family is quadriplegic, but we all three have special needs . Special is the new retard. As the author so eloquently describes, so many people see that and only that and erase everything else about you.

It reminds me of privileged people who dont care about safety nets, rich people who dont care about high taxes, innocent people who couldnt care less about throwing weed dealers in jail for 10 years, healthy people who have no concern for healthcare costs... People lack the imagination to really put themselves in others shoes. They are shitty and cruel when they cant empathize. And they have little incentive to try.

I see this phenomenon prominently around addiction, as well.

I wonder if the opioid addiction & overdose epidemic is finally kicking people in the ass a bit and waking them up to the fact that their lack of empathy for addicts (not to mention people with chronic pain) is a major factor in the tens of thousands of deaths each year. When your attitude is “the only good addict is a dead addict” and you feel like addiction can never happen to you, it’s not as if you’re going to vote for spending on harm-reduction strategies—rehab, naloxone, keeping kratom legal, decriminalisation, whatever—even if they would actually work.

Re: My Quadriplegic Husband and Me

#27

Post by jacquesm »

Abishek_Muthian wrote: post #14

The prejudices which a disabled person faces or their partner in this case are humongous. I'm a dwarf with limb deformities, as CEO of a startup I perform the role of at-least dozen able-bodied people of my age each day. Still, since people who I haven't met personally don't know I'm a dwarf expect a 6ft Suite clad man at the business meeting; at the meeting I can see the sense of disappointment when they see me init…

My hat is off to you. I have a friend who is wheelchair bound due to an accident he had as a teenager. He runs his own business and in general is very good at making you forget that his legs are useless. In fact, he's so good at this that I tend to forget it too. One day this came out rather painfully when I asked him if he wanted to go for a beach walk. His answer?: "I'd love to...".

Re: My Quadriplegic Husband and Me

#28

Post by Abishek_Muthian »

scarface74 wrote: post #21
Abishek_Muthian wrote: post #14

The prejudices which a disabled person faces or their partner in this case are humongous. I'm a dwarf with limb deformities, as CEO of a startup I perform the role of at-least dozen able-bodied people of my age each day. Still, since people who I haven't met personally don't know I'm a dwarf expect a 6ft Suite clad man at the business meeting; at the meeting I can see the sense of disappointment when they see me init…

Always remember, a disabled person see's themselves as disabled only in the eyes of the people with prejudices. I really hate these aphorisms. I have a mild disability - I have cerebral palsy that affects mostly my left hand and to minor degree my left foot. While I've done a lot of things that most people haven't done - run half marathons, was a part time fitness instructor for over a decade, etc., I know I'm inconv…

Sorry, if you found my statement an aphorism it's by no means intended to undermine the difficulties.

Iam glad that you've been able to do many things which people without disabilities find difficult to do; my statement is many disabled people get denied an opportunity to do it because of prejudices & cognitive biases.

Re: My Quadriplegic Husband and Me

#29

Post by Abishek_Muthian »

jacquesm wrote: post #27
Abishek_Muthian wrote: post #14

The prejudices which a disabled person faces or their partner in this case are humongous. I'm a dwarf with limb deformities, as CEO of a startup I perform the role of at-least dozen able-bodied people of my age each day. Still, since people who I haven't met personally don't know I'm a dwarf expect a 6ft Suite clad man at the business meeting; at the meeting I can see the sense of disappointment when they see me init…

My hat is off to you. I have a friend who is wheelchair bound due to an accident he had as a teenager. He runs his own business and in general is very good at making you forget that his legs are useless. In fact, he's so good at this that I tend to forget it too. One day this came out rather painfully when I asked him if he wanted to go for a beach walk. His answer?: "I'd love to...".

Good to know about your friend. I'm sure he understands what I meant as well. The reason he's been able to make you forget his limitations, is because you had been a great friend as well.

Re: My Quadriplegic Husband and Me

#30

Post by urahara »

zaptheimpaler wrote: post #18
urahara wrote: post #15

Earlier quoted context omitted.

Exactly. This is a problem of lack of imagination and empathy. How do you think it can be fixed in mass? I think we need mechanisms that make people understand experiences of disadvantaged groups. Like maybe some VR app showing their reality + some laws that those who deny other groups problems must use it.

I dont think there are any easy solutions, certainly not as easy as a VR app. People harp on about empathy/tolerance/diversity but dehumanize "the other" consistently, and at a very early age. Tribalism is part of human nature, and caring more about those with similar genes is a primal evolutionary drive.

It definitely won't be easy, but we have to start somewhere. Currently I don't have any better ideas than something like an app to share experience. Any other ideas to start battling dehumanizing?
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