How Social Isolation Is Killing Us • Hacker News Board

Re: How Social Isolation Is Killing Us

#21

Post by smcmurtry » Thu, Dec 22, 2016, 11:05 PM UTC

closeparen wrote: post #13

muninn_ wrote: post #5

Earlier quoted context omitted.

Right. It's not an issue of technology, for the most part, but it's the way American cities are designed. Instead of mixed-use walkable neighborhoods where people with a variety of incomes and backgrounds live, and stay put, we have suburban fortresses where people live in a box, never talk to their neighbors, drive a box to work, work in a box, then do it all over again. The national highway system was great for a n…

This is an extremely poor argument. Try starting a conversation on a Manhattan subway. The lack of boxes between you and your fellow commuters does not make it remotely acceptable to interact with them, nor should it. It is much harder to meet friends who are separated by 5 miles of bus ride than 5 miles of freeway. It is much harder to actually hear each other at a crowded bar than someone's home, but only the very…

Many people who live in small apartments can and do host social gatherings. In my experience, how frequently someone hosts gatherings has more to do with their personality than the size of their living space.

Re: How Social Isolation Is Killing Us

#22

Post by muninn_ » Thu, Dec 22, 2016, 11:06 PM UTC

closeparen wrote: post #13

muninn_ wrote: post #5

Earlier quoted context omitted.

Right. It's not an issue of technology, for the most part, but it's the way American cities are designed. Instead of mixed-use walkable neighborhoods where people with a variety of incomes and backgrounds live, and stay put, we have suburban fortresses where people live in a box, never talk to their neighbors, drive a box to work, work in a box, then do it all over again. The national highway system was great for a n…

This is an extremely poor argument. Try starting a conversation on a Manhattan subway. The lack of boxes between you and your fellow commuters does not make it remotely acceptable to interact with them, nor should it. It is much harder to meet friends who are separated by 5 miles of bus ride than 5 miles of freeway. It is much harder to actually hear each other at a crowded bar than someone's home, but only the very…

To say that it is an extremely poor argument (as though I was giving an argument) is a bit hyperbolic. I'm not a proponent of the style of urban living you find in mega-cities either, though I'll propose that they are a superior alternative to somewhere like, say, Atlanta.

Re: How Social Isolation Is Killing Us

#23

Post by nommm-nommm » Thu, Dec 22, 2016, 11:14 PM UTC

smcmurtry wrote: post #21

closeparen wrote: post #13

Earlier quoted context omitted.

This is an extremely poor argument. Try starting a conversation on a Manhattan subway. The lack of boxes between you and your fellow commuters does not make it remotely acceptable to interact with them, nor should it. It is much harder to meet friends who are separated by 5 miles of bus ride than 5 miles of freeway. It is much harder to actually hear each other at a crowded bar than someone's home, but only the very…

Many people who live in small apartments can and do host social gatherings. In my experience, how frequently someone hosts gatherings has more to do with their personality than the size of their living space.

Can confirm, I've been to many social gatherings hosted in Manhattan studios.

Re: How Social Isolation Is Killing Us

#24

Post by nommm-nommm » Thu, Dec 22, 2016, 11:15 PM UTC

LeanderK wrote: post #18

closeparen wrote: post #13

Earlier quoted context omitted.

This is an extremely poor argument. Try starting a conversation on a Manhattan subway. The lack of boxes between you and your fellow commuters does not make it remotely acceptable to interact with them, nor should it. It is much harder to meet friends who are separated by 5 miles of bus ride than 5 miles of freeway. It is much harder to actually hear each other at a crowded bar than someone's home, but only the very…

i speak with strangers in bars all the time, seriously. I thought it's one of the reasons bars exists. Even most tinder-dates start in bars, because if it's not going anywhere there other people to talk to. You just might not get laid.

Can confirm, I met my spouse in a bar.

I also became good friends with a bartender who I met when she was serving me. She no longer bartends now that she's out of school but we still see each other all the time.

A lot of my friends now usually prefer to meet out rather than have someone come over. It takes the pressure off to be a host.

Re: How Social Isolation Is Killing Us

#25

Post by bluejekyll » Thu, Dec 22, 2016, 11:18 PM UTC

winter_blue wrote: post #7

muninn_ wrote: post #5

Earlier quoted context omitted.

Right. It's not an issue of technology, for the most part, but it's the way American cities are designed. Instead of mixed-use walkable neighborhoods where people with a variety of incomes and backgrounds live, and stay put, we have suburban fortresses where people live in a box, never talk to their neighbors, drive a box to work, work in a box, then do it all over again. The national highway system was great for a n…

You could get involved in local politics, and maybe eventually even run for governor. Is there anything stopping you?

Exactly. If you want this stuff to change, stop waiting for others to do it, you can get involved and start changing things.

Re: How Social Isolation Is Killing Us

#26

Post by finid » Thu, Dec 22, 2016, 11:30 PM UTC

brilliantcode wrote: post #19

Social isolation is a huge problem. There's stigma around declaring it. I'm doing my part to address this problem right now: Any HN'ers in downtown Vancouver reading this post, let's grab coffee near Robson Square. My email is in my profile and synced to my phone so I will reply promptly. I've been just reading principles.com (from the other HN thread) and inspired to take action.

To some extent, Meetups help. It's not just an opportunity to hear about the latest in a filed that you have an interest in, but also an avenue to meet-and-greet.

Re: How Social Isolation Is Killing Us

#27

Post by noobermin » Thu, Dec 22, 2016, 11:30 PM UTC

Often times, admitting loneliness makes one look "needy" or "desperate" and even less desirable for a friendly relationship. It's almost a catch-22.

Re: How Social Isolation Is Killing Us

#28

Post by mmanfrin » Thu, Dec 22, 2016, 11:40 PM UTC

We are pack animals, it is why dogs evolved in to our family. Isolation is a severance from our natural social state and is hurtful. I think one of the great benefits of the internet is that it is possible to meet and befriend people outside of the normal social routes. It is not a cure for isolation, but friends you game with or chat with or share stupid stories with is a help.

The problem is that reddit and digg killed the conventional forum, so no one really cares who you are any more (unlike when people would start to 'know' regular posters on forums). Now it's a crapshoot of random people and a smattering of comment replies if people vote on your comment. No personality, no real interaction.

Re: How Social Isolation Is Killing Us

#29

Post by tnecniv » Thu, Dec 22, 2016, 11:45 PM UTC

LeanderK wrote: post #18

closeparen wrote: post #13

Earlier quoted context omitted.

This is an extremely poor argument. Try starting a conversation on a Manhattan subway. The lack of boxes between you and your fellow commuters does not make it remotely acceptable to interact with them, nor should it. It is much harder to meet friends who are separated by 5 miles of bus ride than 5 miles of freeway. It is much harder to actually hear each other at a crowded bar than someone's home, but only the very…

i speak with strangers in bars all the time, seriously. I thought it's one of the reasons bars exists. Even most tinder-dates start in bars, because if it's not going anywhere there other people to talk to. You just might not get laid.

I must be going to the wrong bars. Everyone I go regularly has people minding their own business.

Re: How Social Isolation Is Killing Us

#30

Post by TheOneTrueKyle » Thu, Dec 22, 2016, 11:46 PM UTC

I have been "lonely" most of my life. I have lived in a terrible town growing up where everyone lived on the other side of town.

I went to college where nothing was happening and nothing is really interesting and I didn't connect with anyone really.

Now, I am reaching 30, and have spent the most of my 20s trying to find a way to move to a place that will make me happy. I'm hoping this will eventually happen, but I have lost a lot of hope.

I don't feel connected to humans whatsoever. However, the greatest joy for me is sitting in front of my computer interacting with you folk.

I don't get social interaction...