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Why You Will Marry the Wrong Person

nytimes.com

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Re: Why You Will Marry the Wrong Person

#21

Post by alashley »

up_and_up wrote: post #19

PROTIP: 1. Have a longterm vision/goal for your life that is achievable regardless of financial resources/location etc. 2. Find a partner in crime who shares that vision and is willing to join you on what will surely be a great adventure known as your life. Life will surely be no bed of roses. 3. Stress Test your relationship in some way to ensure the vision/goal is aligned. I decided I should marry my wife following…

Good plan. I find the same thing goes for friendships too. The more things friends have endured together, the more likely they are to stick together in the long run.

Re: Why You Will Marry the Wrong Person

#22

Post by TACIXAT »

bittercynic wrote: post #9

Part of this was borrowed without credit. https://web.archive.org/web/20160422073110/http://thephiloso...

It looks like the author [1] is associated with The Book of Life [2] which is referenced on the site you linked [3]. Likely all owned by the same person.

[1] https://twitter.com/alaindebotton

[2] http://www.thebookoflife.org/

[3] https://web.archive.org/web/20160316112501/http://thephiloso...

Re: Why You Will Marry the Wrong Person

#23

Post by xirdstl »

ryancouto wrote: post #3

reminds me of this article... http://markmanson.net/question TL;DR: Don't set goals based on what makes you happy. Instead, decide what you're willing to suffer for.

I didn't agree with his opening premise of what everybody wants, so I couldn't finish reading.

Re: Why You Will Marry the Wrong Person

#24

Post by matwood »

nostrademons wrote: post #18
kazinator wrote: post #5

> The good news is that it doesn’t matter if we find we have married the wrong person. Yes, it does! OMG, this so laughably wrong. (The whole article.) Who you marry is a big, big determiner of happiness. It's better to be single than to marry the wrong person.

That line is speaking at a different level than your response. The point - which the article goes on to elaborate on in the next few paragraphs - is that happiness is a choice , not a consequence . Every person is going to have flaws, and they will have little quirks that drive you nuts. Whether the relationship succeeds or not depends on how you react to those flaws. Do disagreements spiral out of control, with each…

> The point - which the article goes on to elaborate on in the next few paragraphs - is that happiness is a choice, not a consequence.

This was also the conclusion of a pretty interesting book I recently read - The Geography of Bliss.

Re: Why You Will Marry the Wrong Person

#25

Post by sgdread »

up_and_up wrote: post #19

PROTIP: 1. Have a longterm vision/goal for your life that is achievable regardless of financial resources/location etc. 2. Find a partner in crime who shares that vision and is willing to join you on what will surely be a great adventure known as your life. Life will surely be no bed of roses. 3. Stress Test your relationship in some way to ensure the vision/goal is aligned. I decided I should marry my wife following…

There're random factors you can't control. Good example is post-partum depression. Every child birth is 20% chance; once happening, it can significantly change both partners.

Re: Why You Will Marry the Wrong Person

#26

Post by glibgil »

up_and_up wrote: post #19

PROTIP: 1. Have a longterm vision/goal for your life that is achievable regardless of financial resources/location etc. 2. Find a partner in crime who shares that vision and is willing to join you on what will surely be a great adventure known as your life. Life will surely be no bed of roses. 3. Stress Test your relationship in some way to ensure the vision/goal is aligned. I decided I should marry my wife following…

handle pretty much anything for six months

Check back in six years, then fifteen, then twenty

Re: Why You Will Marry the Wrong Person

#28

Post by matwood »

A comedian once said "Find someone you can tolerate and marry them." The point being that we as society have put marriage expectations so high that they are impossible for most people to meet. True love, the one, etc... are all things that sound great, but just rarely, if ever happen. It will not always be rainbows and butterflies and there will be times where it is a lot of work. Knowing that going in will lead to an attitude of working together.

Re: Why You Will Marry the Wrong Person

#29

Post by o_____________o »

busterarm wrote: post #20
o_____________o wrote: post #8

Earlier quoted context omitted.

Agree, this is the wisdom I wish someone drilled into me when I was young and lusty. We got indoctrinated early into romanticism by every song and Disney cartoon. It's myopic. Ain't no r&b ballads about marriage doldrums.

I don't know. I pretty much agree with the author on all points after my bad experiences (luckily without being in a marriage)... ...but I've hardly found anyone who entertains a similar point of view. It gets lonely, but honestly that's fine.

Entertains the point of view/s in the article?

Re: Why You Will Marry the Wrong Person

#30

Post by [deleted] »

up_and_up wrote: post #19

PROTIP: 1. Have a longterm vision/goal for your life that is achievable regardless of financial resources/location etc. 2. Find a partner in crime who shares that vision and is willing to join you on what will surely be a great adventure known as your life. Life will surely be no bed of roses. 3. Stress Test your relationship in some way to ensure the vision/goal is aligned. I decided I should marry my wife following…

[deleted]
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