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Dan

blog.dislocatedday.com

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Re: Dan

#21

Post by danbmil99 »

staunch wrote: post #12
hack_edu wrote: post #6

Take care of your friends and loved ones, everyone. Mental illness takes on all forms, and plagues so many people without ever showing to the outside world.

It's also worth remembering that people sometimes commit suicide without suffering from any mental illness at all. These people need help too.

wouldn't you have to conclude that one who makes such a choice is in some way mentally ill? Excepting terminal illness, I can't see how it makes sense otherwise.

Please don't take this the wrong way, I'm legitimately curious. I have friends who struggle with depression, some of whom clearly have contemplated this terrible 'solution'.

Re: Dan

#22

Post by bradfordcross »

This is beautiful man. I was really sad when I came home after talking to you about this last weekend - I hadn't known. But reading this brought a different kind of tears to my eyes. You're an inspiration.

Re: Dan

#23

Post by tdavis »

phiberoptik wrote: post #17

The Jack Kerouac quote is so fitting for the piece. Very touching and heartfelt story. I'm happy to hear you've made peace with this experience and the ghost of your friend.

I love that quote; the more I read it the more I'm touched by it. For the record, my girlfriend recommended it for inclusion.

Re: Dan

#24

Post by tdavis »

bradfordcross wrote: post #22

This is beautiful man. I was really sad when I came home after talking to you about this last weekend - I hadn't known. But reading this brought a different kind of tears to my eyes. You're an inspiration.

I'm so glad it touched you and that you got something out of it; that's the best compliment my inner writer can receive :)

Re: Dan

#25

Post by chrischen »

danbmil99 wrote: post #21
staunch wrote: post #12

Earlier quoted context omitted.

It's also worth remembering that people sometimes commit suicide without suffering from any mental illness at all. These people need help too.

wouldn't you have to conclude that one who makes such a choice is in some way mentally ill? Excepting terminal illness, I can't see how it makes sense otherwise. Please don't take this the wrong way, I'm legitimately curious. I have friends who struggle with depression, some of whom clearly have contemplated this terrible 'solution'.

I can see how if someone was pushed to the limit eventually suicide would become a rational choice. If the pain gets too intense it becomes pretty easy to take the easy way out. Some people avoid it by going to religion, others can't make that leap and thus find another way to make it stop: suicide.

Sure mental illnesses needlessly cause suicide, but it's not impossible for someone to achieve a point of hopelessness where suicide becomes a natural expected rational decision.

But I agree with you, it should never be thought of as the rational choice, because there is always hope for better. And no, you don't have to fabricate that hope either. It's what keeps me working, applying to yc despite rejection, and staying alive the for the next day despite all my shortcomings and failures. All without the need for a religion. I still haven't got to where I want to be, but I have hope.

Re: Dan

#26

Post by jacquesm »

tdavis wrote: post #23
phiberoptik wrote: post #17

The Jack Kerouac quote is so fitting for the piece. Very touching and heartfelt story. I'm happy to hear you've made peace with this experience and the ghost of your friend.

I love that quote; the more I read it the more I'm touched by it. For the record, my girlfriend recommended it for inclusion.

How is Dans' family doing?

Re: Dan

#27

Post by asdflkj »

danbmil99 wrote: post #21
staunch wrote: post #12

Earlier quoted context omitted.

It's also worth remembering that people sometimes commit suicide without suffering from any mental illness at all. These people need help too.

wouldn't you have to conclude that one who makes such a choice is in some way mentally ill? Excepting terminal illness, I can't see how it makes sense otherwise. Please don't take this the wrong way, I'm legitimately curious. I have friends who struggle with depression, some of whom clearly have contemplated this terrible 'solution'.

Why the scare quotes? It's a bona fide solution. When you kill yourself, the problem goes away. Also, why terrible? It may be terrible for the friends and family, but the person committing suicide certainly has nothing to lose by it. A loss is only a loss if you perceive it as such. You won't perceive anything after you die.

Theory: we'd all be better off if suicide were socially acceptable. The people who commit suicide "out of blue" probably consider talking to someone about it, but they know it will be seen as a cry for help, and met with banal pleas to not do it. Maybe they'd like to have a rational conversation instead, one where their right of choice would be respected. Inability to have such a conversation leads to alienation, which makes them more likely to kill themselves.

Re: Dan

#28

Post by peterhi »

asdflkj wrote: post #27
danbmil99 wrote: post #21

Earlier quoted context omitted.

wouldn't you have to conclude that one who makes such a choice is in some way mentally ill? Excepting terminal illness, I can't see how it makes sense otherwise. Please don't take this the wrong way, I'm legitimately curious. I have friends who struggle with depression, some of whom clearly have contemplated this terrible 'solution'.

Why the scare quotes? It's a bona fide solution. When you kill yourself, the problem goes away. Also, why terrible? It may be terrible for the friends and family, but the person committing suicide certainly has nothing to lose by it. A loss is only a loss if you perceive it as such. You won't perceive anything after you die. Theory: we'd all be better off if suicide were socially acceptable. The people who commit sui…

"Maybe they'd like to have a rational conversation instead, one where their right of choice would be respected. Inability to have such a conversation leads to alienation, which makes them more likely to kill themselves."

This is the part that is important. The only time you get to have this conversation is if you fail and are assigned a psychiatrist. Even then no one else will talk to you about it as they assume that it was just something you were going through and should have got over it by now.

If you raise the topic people panic and assume the worst. So despite the fact that I can now, after nearly 40 years of this, monitor my own state of mind and actually see that I am getting depressed I still can't talk to anyone when I feel it coming on.

I have had depression since I was a teenager, it comes and goes, but each time it is a little harder to cope with, or maybe I'm just getting older. If it was some other physical ailment then I could talk about it, if I was bereaved I could talk about it. But as it's a mental health issue and I appear to be otherwise fine, I have no one I can talk to. But I'm damn good at covering it up! Simply because people don't even want to talk about the weather with someone who is depressed, so to have any conversation at all you have to lock it away.

It sucks not to be able to talk.

Re: Dan

#29

Post by kareemm »

Reading this outpouring of sentiment about how awesome a person Dan was makes me sad, mostly because I wonder whether he knew how people felt about him when he was alive.

Receiving heartfelt appreciation from someone you know or love is phenomenally uplifting.

"If you admire somebody, you should go head and tell em' / People never get the flowers, while they can still smell em'." - Kanye

I'm going to go call some loved ones now and tell them how important they are to me.

Re: Dan

#30

Post by CSBarbie1 »

A CEO friend of mine in the local tech industry took his own life the day before Dan in Sept.I had never talked to Dan, but enjoyed his posts on Hacker News. I had talked to my friend at length a few days before he died. I had no idea he was depressed. I read your posts and felt - what was going on? Was this some kind of psychic fallout of the economic depression? Or perhaps just circumstance. It made me slow down, focus on my loved ones. At the funeral, the priest said "Look at the hearse outside. It won't be followed by an armored truck and a UHaul, it will be followed by all of you (2000 of us)." That comment echoed in my head then, and it still does today. Thank you for your considerate writing and comforting thoughts.
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