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Never Lie About Who You Really Are

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Re: Never Lie About Who You Really Are

#191

Post by saraid216 »

ahelwer wrote: post #152
crikli wrote: post #146

The inference of this paragraph bugs me: "Last week, the pest control guy came to the door. "Are you Mr. Smith?" he says. "No, I'm Mr. Pallotta, Mr. Smith's partner," I reply. "Partner?" he asks. I'm being questioned in my own home. "Yes, partner," I answer. "We're a gay couple." "Oh," he says, trying to process this and maintain his composure." The writer assumes that because the pest control guy doesn't immediately…

I think you're assuming a lot more about the writer than the writer assumed about the pest control guy. There's very little reason to doubt his reading of the situation, as I'm sure he's encountered it many, many times. Also, holy crap this entire thread is full of smug heteronormative privilege. HN, I expect better.

> HN, I expect better.

I don't really see why you have any basis for that expectation...

Re: Never Lie About Who You Really Are

#192

Post by jasonlotito »

ForrestN wrote: post #172
chris123 wrote: post #165

Earlier quoted context omitted.

Whether his analogy could have been better or not is besides the point, IMHO. Not sure I get what you mean by analogy being "opportunistic." He used it in his introduction. It worked for me. In fact, that's an example a good use case. Anyways, I guess it's just a difference of opinion, which is fine and interesting. Cheers :)

It's opportunistic because the only reason anyone is interested in this article is because he is framing it in terms of his personal life and, unfortunately, writing about being gay is still eye-catching. Had he used another analogy, the article would have been much less unique and remarkable. It's got whatever traction it does have because the insight supposedly comes from his experience as a gay man. Because I thin…

> the only reason anyone is interested in this article is because he is framing it in terms of his personal life

That would hold more weight if "gay" was in the title. It wasn't. That he is gay was an easy analogy for him to make. There are many other people that aren't gay that could make the same analogy with aspects of their life.

Being gay isn't the point. That you are gay doesn't add weight to your point either. If anything, it suggests that your ideas like merit to stand on their own.

Re: Never Lie About Who You Really Are

#193

Post by cup »

elemenohpee wrote: post #139
ams6110 wrote: post #107

Earlier quoted context omitted.

Your sexuality informs and alters 100% of your life. No it doesn't. And choice exists in almost everything.

Too bad you chose to be ignorant :/ The scientific evidence is not on your side, if you're interested in that sort of thing.

Actually I would argue that the scientific evidence is highly controversial, incredibly ambiguous and in need of serious and systematic review.

Re: Never Lie About Who You Really Are

#194

Post by RobotCaleb »

nollidge wrote: post #157
crikli wrote: post #146

The inference of this paragraph bugs me: "Last week, the pest control guy came to the door. "Are you Mr. Smith?" he says. "No, I'm Mr. Pallotta, Mr. Smith's partner," I reply. "Partner?" he asks. I'm being questioned in my own home. "Yes, partner," I answer. "We're a gay couple." "Oh," he says, trying to process this and maintain his composure." The writer assumes that because the pest control guy doesn't immediately…

Yeah, I agree! I bet the pest control didn't actually say those exact words, either! You know, I wonder if there actually was a pest control guy at all--I bet it was really a plumber ! Man, I just can't trust this author at all anymore. Thanks for pointing this out. Thanks also for explaining the ambiguity of the English language to all of us, as well as some of the really interesting machinations people sometimes go…

Why do I feel like your comment is dripping in sarcasm?

Re: Never Lie About Who You Really Are

#195

Post by faul_sname »

TheAmazingIdiot wrote: post #186
jpxxx wrote: post #115

Earlier quoted context omitted.

Hrm, let's perform an in situ experiment! Right now, get on the horn with the people in your world and announce that you're actually gay/straight, whichever is different than currently. Then live accordingly for a few years so we can see what changes! The stakes: one upvote.

I'm bisexual.. So the opposite is bisexual? I'm fine with that. Can I have my upvote?

I believe the "opposite," or at least the closest thing, would be asexual.

Re: Never Lie About Who You Really Are

#196

Post by jessaustin »

noja wrote: post #183
scarmig wrote: post #116

Earlier quoted context omitted.

A good friend of mine, living in SF, recently came out to his parents who live in suburban Colorado. His mom asked him the typical questions--"Are you sure? Have you tried dating girls? Are you sure you just haven't met the right one?" while his dad set quietly at the table. Then all of his sudden his dad broke into a yelling rage, in the middle of a packed brunch place, accused his son of being scrawny because of AI…

You really need to stop a second and try to see things from different perspectives. Not if those perspectives are bigotry.

I'm pretty sure that's not was what meant by GP. The story wasn't told so we would empathize with the shouting dad but so we'd be reminded of the son's situation.

Re: Never Lie About Who You Really Are

#198

Post by qu4z-2 »

nollidge wrote: post #157
crikli wrote: post #146

The inference of this paragraph bugs me: "Last week, the pest control guy came to the door. "Are you Mr. Smith?" he says. "No, I'm Mr. Pallotta, Mr. Smith's partner," I reply. "Partner?" he asks. I'm being questioned in my own home. "Yes, partner," I answer. "We're a gay couple." "Oh," he says, trying to process this and maintain his composure." The writer assumes that because the pest control guy doesn't immediately…

Yeah, I agree! I bet the pest control didn't actually say those exact words, either! You know, I wonder if there actually was a pest control guy at all--I bet it was really a plumber ! Man, I just can't trust this author at all anymore. Thanks for pointing this out. Thanks also for explaining the ambiguity of the English language to all of us, as well as some of the really interesting machinations people sometimes go…

The details of wording or occupation aren't really key to the story though. It is however relevant whether his pause was due to being uncomfortable with the author's sexuality or due to his determining which interpretation of an ambiguous statement was correct. Although I suppose in the end the author's experience of the situation is the main point.

In short, your comment was less constructive than that you criticize. (as is mine)

Re: Never Lie About Who You Really Are

#199

Post by silentmars »

ForrestN wrote: post #172
chris123 wrote: post #165

Earlier quoted context omitted.

Whether his analogy could have been better or not is besides the point, IMHO. Not sure I get what you mean by analogy being "opportunistic." He used it in his introduction. It worked for me. In fact, that's an example a good use case. Anyways, I guess it's just a difference of opinion, which is fine and interesting. Cheers :)

It's opportunistic because the only reason anyone is interested in this article is because he is framing it in terms of his personal life and, unfortunately, writing about being gay is still eye-catching. Had he used another analogy, the article would have been much less unique and remarkable. It's got whatever traction it does have because the insight supposedly comes from his experience as a gay man. Because I thin…

How horrid. "Unfortunately, writing about being gay is still eye-catching." Shame on you.

Re: Never Lie About Who You Really Are

#200

Post by cdcarter »

elemenohpee wrote: post #40
jpwagner wrote: post #24

I hope I'm not insensitive, but if I'm having a bad day and my cab driver (or just about any total stranger) asks "how is your day" I am not compelled to tell him about the intricacies of being me. It's not about fighting for "the truth", it's simply practical. This is generally how to behave for all matters of sex, politics, religion, and anything else personal. Small talk is small talk.

I don't mean to be presumptuous, but are you straight? Not feeling compelled to tell people about your sexuality is a luxury afforded to people who fit into the norm. It's what LGBT activists would call "privilege", and it's something that we as straight/white/male/other dominant group need to be aware of if we don't wish to alienate minority groups.

I'm pretty gay, and fairly often I don't want to bother with it. "Tell me about your girlfriend?" can be answered to a cabbie with "Eh." and it's really not the end of the world for me.
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