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Should more of us be moving to live near friends?

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Re: Should more of us be moving to live near friends?

#191

Post by nobodywillobsrv »

scyzoryk_xyz wrote: post #72
extr wrote: post #46

I go back and forth on this. I still keep in touch with a bunch of high school and college friends. For better or worse those guys know "the real me" and the history and relationships are impossible to replace. They all still live close together but I live far away - I only see them once or twice a year, if that (less right now because we're all in the "very young kids" stage). I miss them. On the other hand, when I…

Move back, force your wife to only interact with your dudes’ wives. Shed individuality, kick back beers with the boyz. Reminisce only about the good old days. Bond over ritualized sports. Start families in sync so kids can be raised together. Forge new shared traditions, establish a rules based order of discipline and brotherhood. Protect the offspring from outsiders. To do this establish dominance over other familie…

This is great. I can almost imagine a two timeline movie of this. Really hits home.

Re: Should more of us be moving to live near friends?

#193

Post by nine_k »

My friends are all over the map.

And I don't just mean Austin, Chicago, or San Diego, which are all pretty far away from NYC where I live. I mean places like London, Munich, Zurich, Tampere (Finland), or Tel Aviv. While I enjoyed it when my plane was landing in many of these places, I also enjoyed it when it was taking me back home. (Maybe except London, but, to my mind, London is harsher than NYC if you want to actually afford living there.)

So the closest I can live to my friends is online. Show up for a chat, talk, cheer up, support each other, and the bonds of friendship will remain, despite geography. Live next block and forget to say hello week after week, because the days are busy, and the bond will fray.

Re: Should more of us be moving to live near friends?

#194

Post by james-bcn »

extr wrote: post #46

I go back and forth on this. I still keep in touch with a bunch of high school and college friends. For better or worse those guys know "the real me" and the history and relationships are impossible to replace. They all still live close together but I live far away - I only see them once or twice a year, if that (less right now because we're all in the "very young kids" stage). I miss them. On the other hand, when I…

Do you think the "you" at highschool and college was "the real you"? Because that is definitely not the case for me. You grow older, you learn, you change views, you mature...

Re: Should more of us be moving to live near friends?

#195

Post by veunes »

It was very hard for me to make friends. Even now, I only have two. When I didn’t have a family of my own, I was heavily dependent on my friends. Such "friendships" often didn’t end well for me. That’s why, at some point, I started striving to ensure that my mental health didn’t depend on my "social connections" (I’m not sure, maybe I misunderstood something in the article).

Re: Should more of us be moving to live near friends?

#197

Post by veunes »

nine_k wrote: post #193

My friends are all over the map. And I don't just mean Austin, Chicago, or San Diego, which are all pretty far away from NYC where I live. I mean places like London, Munich, Zurich, Tampere (Finland), or Tel Aviv. While I enjoyed it when my plane was landing in many of these places, I also enjoyed it when it was taking me back home. (Maybe except London, but, to my mind, London is harsher than NYC if you want to actu…

At moments like these, you must realize how lucky we are to live in the internet age, where you can stay closely connected with friends all over the world

Re: Should more of us be moving to live near friends?

#198

Post by hyperliner »

moneywoes wrote: post #178
seizethecheese wrote: post #157

Earlier quoted context omitted.

80% of Americans live near where they were born. This isn’t the root cause of estrangement.

curios any more insight on that stat? it contradicts the thesis of the op edit found this https://themortgagepoint.com/2024/08/20/most-americans-stay-...

Two good ones:

“The Typical American Lives Only 18 Miles From Mom” https://www.nytimes.com/interactive/2015/12/24/upshot/24up-f...

“More than half of Americans live within an hour of extended family” https://www.pewresearch.org/short-reads/2022/05/18/more-than...

Re: Should more of us be moving to live near friends?

#199

Post by veunes »

paxys wrote: post #17

Weird that the article frames friends as being constant in life and your career/house/neighborhood/kids' schools/community as totally flexible when practically speaking it's the other way around. It is normal to move away from people you formed bonds with in high school and college. If you are lonely the solution isn't to uproot your life and go after them, but to form new bonds with people who are around you right n…

Life has taught me that the most unstable thing in life is social connections (including friendships)

Re: Should more of us be moving to live near friends?

#200

Post by veunes »

imrehg wrote: post #153
wenc wrote: post #6

I would love to, but I come from a place where intellectual pursuits are not valued, so I would lose out on that front if I moved back. I’m the type who needs to always be learning. So I would always need to be in a big city. Alain Bertaud, the urbanist, recently said, “the big contribution of cities is randomness.” And he continues: “You don't know what to expect. You don't know who you will meet. And, it's precisel…

Where's that Alain Bertaud quote from? I'd be interested in listening/reading more about his stuff.

I do not know from where the quote is but he wrote a book - Order Without Design
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