Hacking Git sounds fun, but isn't there a way to just not have 2.500 packages in a monorepo?
This was exactly my first thought as well. This seems like an entirely self-manufactured problem.
If you really dig down into why we code the way we do, the “best practices” in software development, about half of them are heavily influenced by merge conflict, if not the primary cause.
If I group like functions together in a large file, then I (probably) won’t conflict with another person doing an unrelated ticket that touches the same file. But if we both add new functions at the bottom of the file, we’ll conflict. As long as one of us does the right thing everything is fine.