Hacker News Board Hacker News, browsed like a classic message board
Live data from Hacker News

Ask HN: Did anyone else lose their marbles?

news.ycombinator.com

Post reply on HN
Print view View original

191–200 of 361 posts

Re: Ask HN: Did anyone else lose their marbles?

#191

Post by tropsis »

INTPenis wrote: post #67

I've just become completely lethargic lately. And there's some sort of mental block stopping me from working. It's kinda insane because I can work on other stuff, but as soon as there's a simple task for my employer my mind just wanders off. And when I really try to focus I just go blank in my head. Can't explain shit. I'm trying to slowly get back on the pony just because I'm ashamed of all the salary I've collected…

I had the exact same symptoms for many years. I would be able to do leisure activities, but not productive ones. My mind would go blank when trying to explain something. I had little or no initiative.

Initially I thought I suffered from "procrastistination", I tried all methods to fight it to no avail. Then I considered "burn out", "existential crisis", or weariness of work, but that was not the case at all. I started going to psychiatrists, initially they considered "depression", but I did not have a low mood. Finally, one of them figured out that I had "avolition" which can be considered disorder of volition or a disorder of diminished motivation.

After a meditation retreat I had a psychotic break, so finally the end diagnosis was "negative symptoms of schizophrenia" (here "negative symptoms" means those involving the absence of something common to most people). It is possible to have "deficit schizophrenia" without positive symptoms (delusions, hallucinations, etc). However, most psychiatrist are not aware of this, and tend to classify the "disorders of volition" under depression, because that is what they are most familiar with, and because when you have avolition it makes you depressed to not be able to accomplish anything at all. I have tried several meds and I only had a minor improvement with cariprazine, but it caused me unmanageable insomnia, so I had to quit it.

Re: Ask HN: Did anyone else lose their marbles?

#192

Post by adrianmsmith »

INTPenis wrote: post #67

I've just become completely lethargic lately. And there's some sort of mental block stopping me from working. It's kinda insane because I can work on other stuff, but as soon as there's a simple task for my employer my mind just wanders off. And when I really try to focus I just go blank in my head. Can't explain shit. I'm trying to slowly get back on the pony just because I'm ashamed of all the salary I've collected…

> wtf are we working for when we could be living

I mean I have these thoughts too, then I remind myself that I need money to pay rent and food etc. (I try to avoid extravagance and devices, to save as much as possible, but I do still need somewhere to live and food.)

I mean maybe in some alternative universe I might know how to build a shelter in a forest and grow food myself (although tbh that also sounds like a lot of work, not necessarily better than sitting in front of a monitor coding something I don't care about), but in this universe I live in a city and studied computer science and do not know how to do any of those things.

So when I think why I am working and not living, I answer myself with "I am working because I need to buy food".

Re: Ask HN: Did anyone else lose their marbles?

#193

Post by kubanczyk »

INTPenis wrote: post #69
BxGyw2 wrote: post #68

Earlier quoted context omitted.

Every time I've felt like this it's been time for a change of responsibilities. Are you stagnant?

That's a really good point, yes. More than a decade with the same employer. But at the same time that employer provides such job security that it allows me to travel the world (which I just started) and still work. So that's kinda keeping me there. That is also what is motivating me to get back on track because I have a goal now, to travel, and my job is financing that, and the freedom my employer provides is making…

> I have a goal now, to travel, and my job is financing that

Are you trying to fool your own emotions that way? That part of your brain is not that clueless not to recognize that the daily life did not change, only labels got rearranged. My hypothesis is that work is more important to you than travel. And my second hypothesis is that your goal was de facto (at the time you wrote the top post) to maintain stability, i.e. to change nothing about your job.

Re: Ask HN: Did anyone else lose their marbles?

#194

Post by fho »

hobo_mark wrote: post #188
suranyami wrote: post #100

Earlier quoted context omitted.

> It might be rooted in the fact that I don't have kids As a parent: nope, it's definitely not that. Yes, having children is a rich and beautiful experience. It's also a ruthless grind. So, if you think you're feeling lethargic and it's all a bit futile, imagine doing everything you do now, but also arguing with a smaller, more annoying version of yourself for a couple of decades while sleep deprived, and with 1/4 of…

> For instance, one CEO would periodically grab me, walk me a few blocks away from the office and proceed to scream in my face for 20 minutes on the sidewalk. There are many, many other examples, but honestly, it's all too familiar and boring to recount. Wh..why did you even stay long enough for this to have happened more than once ?

Have you ever walked away from a job? It's really hard to do.

Re: Ask HN: Did anyone else lose their marbles?

#195

Post by ido »

vlachen wrote: post #187
heleninboodler wrote: post #109

Earlier quoted context omitted.

If INTPenis hears anything I hope it's that not having kids isn't the root of this problem. I have kids and it's wonderful, but I too feel all the same lethargy and lack of purpose interspersed with bouts of helping kids with their homework and relentlessly getting their grumpy asses to school at ungodly hours every day and generally trying hard not to fuck them up. If you're already in a shitty situation, having kid…

This is the truth. The advice I give to expectant friends is this: get your shit together, mental health wise, before that tiny human shows up in your life. My partner and I found that the stress of having a child brings all that shit up.

All of the above is true...And yet I (39 years old, father of 2 boys- aged 4 & 6) used to have existential crises routinely and I really don't anymore. Despite often being huge pains in the ass my kids make me so...Content? Happy? I don't know.

Whatever it is I don't have existential crises anymore.

Re: Ask HN: Did anyone else lose their marbles?

#196

Post by jugg1es »

throoowwawaayy wrote: post #31
BxGyw2 wrote: post #13

Stress induced psychosis maybe? Were you using any chemicals? Feel like I understand the need to escape to the woods but not so sure about the fossils thing. Hope you are doing better now mate

Thank you, and yes, I was taking dexedrine for ADHD, and I’m sure that was a factor here, or at least it didn’t help!

Dexedrine is powerful. I took that when I was a teenager for ADHD and I lost tons of weight down to maybe 140 and it drove a strong compulsion for more drug seeking. I also got straight A's and started my own website business, but I also would have terrible fights with my mom and got kicked out of my house.

I think you may be able to attribute a lot of your experience to that drug.

When I switched to Adderall, my entire life changed and things started feeling normal again.

Re: Ask HN: Did anyone else lose their marbles?

#198

Post by dtx1 »

I have had that happen to friends of mine. Please consider talking to a doctor there may be medical reasons (micro stroke, tumor, early onset dementia) or environmental reasons (accidental poisoning, someone spiked your drink with LSD, you ate ergot infested bread etc.)

Re: Ask HN: Did anyone else lose their marbles?

#199

Post by beaker52 »

tropsis wrote: post #191
INTPenis wrote: post #67

I've just become completely lethargic lately. And there's some sort of mental block stopping me from working. It's kinda insane because I can work on other stuff, but as soon as there's a simple task for my employer my mind just wanders off. And when I really try to focus I just go blank in my head. Can't explain shit. I'm trying to slowly get back on the pony just because I'm ashamed of all the salary I've collected…

I had the exact same symptoms for many years. I would be able to do leisure activities, but not productive ones. My mind would go blank when trying to explain something. I had little or no initiative. Initially I thought I suffered from "procrastistination", I tried all methods to fight it to no avail. Then I considered "burn out", "existential crisis", or weariness of work, but that was not the case at all. I starte…

I can relate to a lot of what you just said, including the meditation retreat. I feel compelled to ask: have you ever felt like you’re just playing a game with yourself with all your problems? Like sometimes it feels like I’ve got all these problems that I can’t escape and I’m desperately trying to improve myself, but sometimes I can’t shake this feeling that I’m choosing to have these problems somehow and for some reason - as if there’re two of me, the experiencer and the designer. Some might say “ahah look, it’s just schizophrenia”, but I think there’s more to it than that. For me, it feels like I’m having an awakening. But when I look at my productivity it looks like I’m falling asleep.

Re: Ask HN: Did anyone else lose their marbles?

#200

Post by I_complete_me »

triyambakam wrote: post #80
triyambakam wrote: post #24

Earlier quoted context omitted.

Is it a common metaphor?

I know I'm being overly sensitive but I'm baffled at the downvotes on my post asking for clarification :/

If it's any consolation, I interpreted your question as "outside of this person's experience". It seems fair to ask the seemingly knowledgeable eurasiantiger such a question. In the interests of charitable interpretations.
Post reply on HN