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Thank HN: Five months ago, I was feeling like a loser, now I am opposite

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Re: Thank HN: Five months ago, I was feeling like a loser, now I am opposite

#191

Post by daneel_w »

Kaibeezy wrote: post #29
daneel_w wrote: post #21

Glad to hear it worked out for the better. My current employment is no longer fulfilling and I wish to "move on", but I can only do remote and such vacancies are very hard to come by in Sweden.

Doesn’t the Venn diagram look like: (remote (Sweden)) ... or am I unclear on “remote” or “Sweden”?

I live in Sweden and I'm employed here, but I work remotely as I live very far from my employer's offices. This is remote work by our conventions and perspectives. If you're not in the office most days of the week you are considered a remote employee, and most Swedish employers (still) have a general aversion to hiring "remotees".

Re: Thank HN: Five months ago, I was feeling like a loser, now I am opposite

#192

Post by em-bee »

agent008t wrote: post #170
BLKNSLVR wrote: post #79

Earlier quoted context omitted.

> more like roommates. I've semi-jokingly referred to my relationship as 'like roommates'. We've discussed at length that 'this time in our lives' is the busiest we've ever been with early teen kids playing various sports, playing musical instruments, having braces, dealing with hormones and their personalities developing into 'who they're going to be as adults', fuck it's a lot. I just had a couple of days off sick,…

I thought that is supposed to be the easy time? As in, when children are born, the first 6 months are a nightmare, the next ~3 years are extremely tough, then as they get more independent and grown that's when it gets good? That 'pre- and early-teen' is supposed to be the best part, when you can more-or-less deal with them like with adults and they are fairly independent?

if that is what you expect, then our kids were angels. really we had no trouble with them. they slept pretty well very early, maybe because they slept in our bed so feeding them at night was easy. we had a nanny for help, but i was working from home so i could spend a lot of time with them. we'll see how it will be when they are older. so far it's going well though.

i think what makes kids tough to deal with is not accepting their behavior as it is. when you want them to be a certain way, but you don't know how to get them to be that way. even when i see problematic kids portrayed on tv many times i feel that the kids don't have a problem, but it's the parents who can't deal with it. they don't take the kids seriously and don't respect them or consider their needs. with that attitude, kids will be difficult at any age.

Re: Thank HN: Five months ago, I was feeling like a loser, now I am opposite

#193

Post by fny »

w-j-w wrote: post #72
fny wrote: post #62

Congrats! But be very careful about the start up you're working for. Make sure they have enough cash to survive the next 4-5 years and have a steady revenue stream.

> 4-5 years of runway > startup If this is your criterion for working at a startup, then you are too conservative to work at one. Every job carries risk, and looking to eradicate it is pointless.

The environment right now is very different than a few years ago. Risk is way higher right now. Reward is even more questionable.

Re: Thank HN: Five months ago, I was feeling like a loser, now I am opposite

#194

Post by [deleted] »

neuronic wrote: post #149
drewcoo wrote: post #63

Seek counseling. You're making life decisions based on web boards. Somehow programming and your relationship with your spouse are tied up together. You're riding really high now. You were really low before. Emotional roller coasters mean you should talk with someone, regardless of how you're feeling right now.

Please stop psychologically evaluating someone over an Internet comment.

[deleted]

Re: Thank HN: Five months ago, I was feeling like a loser, now I am opposite

#195

Post by em-bee »

JackFr wrote: post #184
dcow wrote: post #71

Earlier quoted context omitted.

Considering how grateful OP is for the advice shared by the community here previously, my impression is they're open to the continued advice. It's hardly unsolicited. I don't consider it rude when people are trying to be genuinely helpful. If you consider that rude you might be overly sensitive yourself and missing the bigger context. It's not happening here, but: I really really don't understand people who get offen…

Well sometimes unsolicited advice is not really helpful advice but really is just a thin veneer over judgement and criticism. Similarly if you’re finding yourself prefacing comments with “No offense, but…” just don’t say them. Offense avoided.

that's a very good point. something to consider when writing a comment. especially in a forum like this where it is difficult to interpret the intent of a message, or the attitude of the writer. i certainly hope that my comments aren't seen as being judgemental, but i can't be sure.

Re: Thank HN: Five months ago, I was feeling like a loser, now I am opposite

#197

Post by em-bee »

necovek wrote: post #190
method_capital wrote: post #165

Earlier quoted context omitted.

People who believe they need big houses baffle me. It isn't priced right, and you can improve to flip or live and decide later. But why on earth would someone need a giant fucking house to be "happy".

People usually don't stress so much on the size, but on the neighbourhood and number of rooms. A "big house" might mean a separate office for a work-at-home parent (or two) instead of the bedroom or living room, or separate rooms for your soon-to-be-teenagers. Maybe that was the case for the OP? Unfortunately, if you are not building your own house (or having it built, ofc), you can only get a house the size that's a…

yes, number of rooms is a big thing. especially with kids and working from home. my office room is 6m² now. sufficient for me. but places with rooms that small are rare. a friend has a 100m² apartment with 5 rooms, when every other apartment i found on the market in that city with only 4 rooms had at least 150m².

Re: Thank HN: Five months ago, I was feeling like a loser, now I am opposite

#198

Post by rattray »

flakyfilibuster wrote: post #152
rattray wrote: post #111

Can't believe the negativity I see on some of the top comments right now. Congrats and thanks for sharing, you rock :) It's really nice to get updates from folks who posted an Ask HN. Especially with a positive outcome. It's really not uncommon for humans to find energizing work energizing, and for that to affect their overall quality of life. Plenty of people are comfortable checking boxes and going home early, sure…

The negativity is totally warranted: OPs misguided believe in thinking that simply finding a new job will get rid of all his woes is worrisome. Furthermore the fact that a high percentage of commentators are encouraging his stance is counterproductive. This is simplifying a complex situation, which OP should definitely seek professional guidance for before he finds himself in the same situation 5 months from now...

You seem to know something I don't. What is the evidence of a misguided belief? OP was skeptical this change would make a difference, but shares that it did. I did not see any forward-looking statements implying the new job "will get rid of all his woes", only what they are experiencing now. Elsewhere on the thread, OP shared that they are using this opportunity to work more intentionally on their relationship with their wife, which doesn't sound like the kind of thing someone who thinks all their problems have been magically fixed would do.

> OP should definitely seek professional guidance

You speak with the certainty of a professional (more, in fact, since a professional would know how little they know about the situation). Are you one? Do you have any reason to believe OP _hasn't_ sought professional guidance?

If you have something to share about _why_ talking with a professional would be worthwhile, or how to find the right one, or what kind of professional to look for, or something else that OP would plausibly think to themselves, "wow thanks, this is really useful" – that would be kind to share. Personal/secondhand anecdotes often work (as distasteful as some find it), as do peer-reviewed evidence etc.

Re: Thank HN: Five months ago, I was feeling like a loser, now I am opposite

#199

Post by rattray »

laserlight wrote: post #176
hawkar20 wrote: post #155

Earlier quoted context omitted.

What is he misguided about, and what is the complexity he is simplifying. I ask out of genuine intrigue. Reading the post it comes across as someone who appeared to need to make a change in his life, unsure of what to change. He took a chance on a new role and has found himself happier for it.

OP is mistaking positive feelings (short term, extrinsic) with wellbeing (long term, intrinsic). Their excitement probably allows them to neglect any underlying problems. When the excitement wears off, issues that haven't been addressed are likely to reappear. All of this is purely speculation of course, based on my reading of the post.

Wouldn't "a rewarding career" qualify as long-term, intrinsic wellbeing? Cynics may believe no such thing exists, but I don't think it's a universal view.

Of course, there's always risk that the job changes and becomes worse. In a Series D company, we know that could happen at any time.

OP probably knows this too :)

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