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How to get the most out of your 1:1s

erik.wiffin.com

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Re: How to get the most out of your 1:1s

#191

Post by terryf »

karaterobot wrote: post #178
terryf wrote: post #138

Earlier quoted context omitted.

As a manager - I would love it if someone tells me that! This makes my life so much easier! It means, that I will not have to worry about figuring out a good place for you to grow into. It also means that I will not have to worry about finding a replacement for you after you get promoted. Hell, if you tell me that I'll do everything I can to give you a raise asap. Tip: Your manager really, really wants to hear what y…

> Tip: Your manager really, really wants to hear what you really honestly think. As the original commenter noted, the person who was honest about what they really thought was the one laid off when the time came. I won't say it's true for you, but at many organizations "I really want to hear what you honestly think..." has a second clause: "... so that I know who my most valuable 'resources' are." I'm unconvinced that…

Indeed you bring up a good point. There is risk. However, you never know what is the complete reason for someone getting fired, unless you are the one doing the firing. There are lots of things that do not get disclosed. It's also very easy to assume reasons if you're a bystander and be 100% wrong. I've certainly done that a lot.

It could easily have been that the other person got fired for completely unrelated reasons. It of course could also have been that he did in fact get fired for the reason suspected. In this case the question is again - what does the parent commenter want to optimize for? Is it peace of mind or job stability?

If the situation of having to lie is really bothering them, then perhaps the risk of things going wrong is worth taking? The original commenter is the only person that can decide that.

Also, if they keep lying, what's going to guarantee that they will not get promoted because they accidentally did well enough? Or if, indeed they keep getting not promoted, then will that look bad? Are they in an "up or out" level?

Re: How to get the most out of your 1:1s

#192

Post by smallerfish »

karaterobot wrote: post #178
terryf wrote: post #138

Earlier quoted context omitted.

As a manager - I would love it if someone tells me that! This makes my life so much easier! It means, that I will not have to worry about figuring out a good place for you to grow into. It also means that I will not have to worry about finding a replacement for you after you get promoted. Hell, if you tell me that I'll do everything I can to give you a raise asap. Tip: Your manager really, really wants to hear what y…

> Tip: Your manager really, really wants to hear what you really honestly think. As the original commenter noted, the person who was honest about what they really thought was the one laid off when the time came. I won't say it's true for you, but at many organizations "I really want to hear what you honestly think..." has a second clause: "... so that I know who my most valuable 'resources' are." I'm unconvinced that…

> As the original commenter noted, the person who was honest about what they really thought was the one laid off when the time came

It could have been for any of 100 other reasons.

It really boils down to whether your manager is bullshit or not. If they are, switch teams or switch jobs. If you can't be honest with your manager, it's not going to work out.

Re: How to get the most out of your 1:1s

#193

Post by avel »

thenerdhead wrote: post #105

Here's some tips to better 1:1s on-top of what the article mentions: - If you're a direct manager in the 1:1, it is your job to take notes. Period. - 1:1s are business meetings about results, and sometimes personal matters are discussed. - If you have role power, you need to be cautious with what you say during a 1:1. People will take things literally. - Agendas should be simple. 10 minutes you, 10 minutes me, 10 min…

Agendas should be simple, or should I not come with an agenda at all?

An agenda, either shared with the other person or not, is fine. I'd rather have a meeting with agenda / talking points rather than one without. It doesn't prevent people from being able to contribute, as long as you don't monopolize your part.

Re: How to get the most out of your 1:1s

#194

Post by avel »

bob1029 wrote: post #88

I try to run these as casually as possible on no specific timeline. I find regular, standardized 1:1s to be a dystopian experience. The way most of my 1:1 calls initiate usually starts with someone else on the team expressing a bad mood about something and me doing a quick check in on teams. I find that happy or otherwise productive employees will either reach out actively on their own, or not require this sort of in…

A meeting that's mainly designed to let the employee give a pulse check, speak freely about annoyances and career path, and provide feedback to their manager, is a dystopian experience?

Also what you are describing on your second sentence is not a 1:1 meeting.

Re: How to get the most out of your 1:1s

#195

Post by gburdell3 »

XorNot wrote: post #76
hurflmurfl wrote: post #72

Earlier quoted context omitted.

When I don't have anything work-related to report, there are no concerns on either side, and there are no situational changes, we just chat with my manager for the whole half-hour about various life topics. Sometimes it may bring to memory something related to work, which we can discuss. Sometimes it will be completely unrelated to work for the whole meeting, but I think there is still value in that. It helps us buil…

I hate when this happens. It's been a recent revelation of mine that I'm happiest when my personal business remains personal. I hate having to scrape through my life sanitizing topics into conversational safe spaces just to get paid.

You're not a work robot, you're a human being with a life. It's only natural for people to want to discuss their lives with each other. It's hilarious when people on this forum complain about being treated as "faceless worker drones" and then leave comments like this.

Re: How to get the most out of your 1:1s

#196

Post by scarface74 »

thrwy_918 wrote: post #176
terryf wrote: post #138

Earlier quoted context omitted.

As a manager - I would love it if someone tells me that! This makes my life so much easier! It means, that I will not have to worry about figuring out a good place for you to grow into. It also means that I will not have to worry about finding a replacement for you after you get promoted. Hell, if you tell me that I'll do everything I can to give you a raise asap. Tip: Your manager really, really wants to hear what y…

> Your manager really, really wants to hear what you really honestly think I mean, yes, this is almost always true, but that does not mean that it's always in your best interests to tell your manager what you honestly think.

It’s always in my best interest to tell my manager that I don’t want to get promoted.

If I don’t tell him and they surprise me with a promotion, that’s not a great outcome. I know I’m a horrible people manager (did that for one horrible year). But I’m pretty good with managing projects.

If I do tell him and he forces it on me anyway or I can tell that’s not what he wants to hear, I need to know that and be prepared to change jobs.

But then again, I enjoy coming in fixing a problem, training, and “putting myself out of a job”. That isn’t exactly the model of someone who is interested in career progression at one job…

Re: How to get the most out of your 1:1s

#198

Post by tinkertamper »

rramadass wrote: post #54
vasco wrote: post #30

Earlier quoted context omitted.

Not to defend the constant ratings, but imagine managers are not in fact all stupid for a second, and that they realize the power dynamic is there. You still need to do the same job and fulfill the expectations of your own manager, as a manager. It's easy to assume stupidity, and I'm sure there's plenty dumb moves made, but what you find cringy another report finds cool and easy. I bet there are people who would love…

Very few people can be fully open with their Managers; it is inbuilt into the hierarchy and nothing to do with stupidity. It is the Manager's job to be aware of it and then devise techniques for getting around it and/or make allowances for it.

100%, this is exactly where my head is at too.

Re: How to get the most out of your 1:1s

#199

Post by gorgoiler »

songzme wrote: post #114

I really struggle with 1:1s primarily because: 1. Do you want career growth? No, and its hard to tell that to my manager. More growth leads to more responsibility, which is more stress. I'm happy where I am and I don't want promotions. I'm afraid to tell my manager that, because which manager wants an unambitious engineer? There was someone like that on our team and he was laid off in the last layoff round, so I have…

You’re a SWE. Point out how your growth is $$$ for the business. Once you’re through the first chunk of your career, it’s enough, and it’s what they really want.
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