Tell HN: You are not alone this Christmas

Thanks, I'm 36 by the way.

If you're focusing on just getting a software job and not shooting for a particular industry where C++ is used heavily, there are far more jobs that use much easier languages (e.g. C#, Java, Python). C++ really takes some time to understand the myriad nuances that other languages obviate through GC (or not having templates, or simpler rules about overloads, or no intricate distinctions over value categories, etc).

Now if you're in to mastering complexity, C++ can be a great choice, as there are a ton of complex things to learn, but I would take a look at job postings where you think you might want to end up to see if it is actually required. It is very unsexy to talk about on HN, but for pure employability, Java (and other JVM-based languages) are probably the best in most areas. There are tons of remote jobs, and pretty much in any city, plus you can branch out into other JVM-based languages (e.g. Scala!) once you feel so inclined and still incorporate that at work. C# and F# have a similar "progression" and are now completely open source too!

Good luck, whether or not you end up choosing C++!

I was exactly in your situation 2 years ago (at the start of COVID) and I know what you're going through. I'm not going to tell you to "stay strong" , emotions are a natural thing and should not be suppressed and it's ok to be vulnerable.

However, there are a few things that helped me get through the dark times, I am writing them below in the hopes that you may find them useful:

1. Exercise, this is absolutely critical. If you have never done it, it's ok, Julian has a great guide to get started: https://www.julian.com/guide/muscle/intro but there are also lots of guides online.

2. Nutrition is another one, stay away from junk food. Your brain will try to find comfort in high calorie / sugary foods, don't let it win. Eat vegetables and proteins instead.

3. Sleep is a tough one, but also important. Do whatever you need to sleep (exercising will help a lot). Your brain will keep you up at night, learn to recognize this pattern and avoid it when you can.

4. Make a plan. Grab a blank sheet of paper and think of one goal you would like to accomplish, then make the task into smaller sub tasks and from there derive a schedule for achieving it. This will help you stay productive and improve your state of mind.

5. Research. This oddly helped me a lot, I started researching psychology, relationships, listened to "dating" advice (I know.. some speakers were good, some were trash but I enjoyed them nonetheless), TED talks, books, etc.

6. Join communities. If you're an introvert like I am, this is difficult at first but you can start slow. I did this slowly, made a few friends online, then worked up the courage to join discord, then started messaging some of my old friends on Facebook, then had some phone calls and eventually met people face to face (whenever COVID restrictions would allow of course)

7. Don't reach out to your ex, when she/he calls you (and they will) don't respond, avoid contact with their families, don't read old messages, delete their picture, etc Trust me, you have been shot with high caliber rounds right now, you need to heal and they will only get in the way of it.

Hey. Thanks for doing this. Most of my Christmases have been alone. No relationship with my parents.

But for the first time this year, I reached out to spend Christmas with my bestfriend and his family. Its a lot of fun.

I also met the love of my life, and although she's traveling with her family right now, we are getting engaged soon and she reassures me ill never have to spend a Christmas alone.

I never thought I'd spend a Christmas with loved ones in my life, so if you are feeling alone, just know that it could change.

Much love, and merry christmas

Hang in there friend!