For people with an abusive partner, lockdown means captivity • Hacker News Board

Re: For people with an abusive partner, lockdown means captivity

#191

Post by jenkstom » Wed, Apr 01, 2020, 2:10 PM UTC

treeman79 wrote: post #182

ip26 wrote: post #112

Earlier quoted context omitted.

A core part of many abusive relationships is the message "No one else cares about you, no one loves you, I'm the only one who will help you". The abuser will socially isolate the victim, cutting off friendships & family. What friends & family remain, the abuser will work to discredit or estrange, all the while telling the victim the abuser is the only person they can rely on. I think you are imagining abuse victims a…

In an abusive relationship. If I try and leave she threatens to call the cops. Uses every emotional trick to make it clear I have no wear to go. Lots of other emotional abuse. Next day she’s bright as can be. Confused as to why any of it bothers me. Kids are very much only reason staying. Took many years to break free of mental chains. Kids almost old enough to see through BS.

Stay strong. I stayed for the same reasons but she wanted to end it. I'm in a better place, but I'm terrified for my children and nobody that can do anything about it believes any of it.

Don't expect your kids to see through it - it's normal for them. Sorry, but that's my experience.

Re: For people with an abusive partner, lockdown means captivity

#192

Post by jschwartzi » Sat, Apr 04, 2020, 12:01 AM UTC

retrac wrote: post #82

jschwartzi wrote: post #54

Earlier quoted context omitted.

If you think that’s important then open one.

I've spent the last 20 years providing informal supports to street-involved gay and bisexual youth and adults, many of whom are fleeing abuse of some kind. I was distantly involved in opening one of Toronto's first shelters for abused men and sole fathers with dependents, and it's been difficult to secure public funding comparable to what is given to women's abuse shelters on a per capita basis. The government largel…

> our society seems to be less sympathetic to a man fleeing an abusive partner or violence than it is to a woman in the same circumstance.

I agree with you wholeheartedly on that point.

Re: For people with an abusive partner, lockdown means captivity

#193

Post by treeman79 » Mon, Apr 06, 2020, 12:09 PM UTC

jenkstom wrote: post #191

treeman79 wrote: post #182

Earlier quoted context omitted.

In an abusive relationship. If I try and leave she threatens to call the cops. Uses every emotional trick to make it clear I have no wear to go. Lots of other emotional abuse. Next day she’s bright as can be. Confused as to why any of it bothers me. Kids are very much only reason staying. Took many years to break free of mental chains. Kids almost old enough to see through BS.

Stay strong. I stayed for the same reasons but she wanted to end it. I'm in a better place, but I'm terrified for my children and nobody that can do anything about it believes any of it. Don't expect your kids to see through it - it's normal for them. Sorry, but that's my experience.

Thanks!

I gave up on that awhile ago.

Was shocking to see her start crap with everyone plain as day. Then all kids against me because she is mom.

Never mind we we all happy and having fun until she arrived.

I spent a year pushing back hard on it. She’s reluctant to start crap these days.

I still don’t like her. But it’s better.