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I used to fear being a nobody, then I left social media

nytimes.com

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Re: I used to fear being a nobody, then I left social media

#191

Post by COGlory »

driverdan wrote: post #187

What happened to moderation? You can use social media without being obsessed with it. If you have problems with self control then take steps to deal with it. Delete phone apps, set specific times when you use social media with limits, and if necessary talk to a mental health professional.

It's not a fair fight. Social media companies employ psychologists to assist their UX designers in designing their products to be as addicting as possible.

See this interview with Adam Alter here:

https://www.artofmanliness.com/articles/podcast-420-what-mak...

Re: I used to fear being a nobody, then I left social media

#192

Post by slothtrop »

mabbo wrote: post #4

I used to excessively post on Facebook. I started to worry that it was unhealthy- why do I need the constant validation from strangers? What is wrong with me psychologically that I crave that more than my own privacy? So I quit last year and I've felt good about that choice. Now I have 17000 HN points and I'm starting to feel like I gave up meth and replaced it with cocaine. Maybe better, but still not good. Going to…

Well HN is less a validation peddler and like other aggregators offers rapid doses of news, little info-hits that can leave us feeling scatterbrained when overindulged. It can be too distracting but from a healthiness standpoint seems vastly superior.

Re: I used to fear being a nobody, then I left social media

#193

Post by wasdfff »

WhompingWindows wrote: post #173
not_a_cop75 wrote: post #6

Being the person who shouts loudest "I am somebody" on social media does not make you somebody worth listening to. This narcissism is the key problem of social media. Oddly enough, social media made it's big entrance via movie stars - I could not possibly be any less surprised at this. It would befit social media to rate someone with importance not according to a check or star but according to actual real world accom…

> Oddly enough, social media made it's big entrance via movie stars - I could not possibly be any less surprised at this. Is this true? I don't recall that occurring, it seemed more like a young-techie-people, grassroots phenomenon when people started using MySpace and FB.

When fan pages gave way to official profiles was a watershed moment. It showed facebook wasnt just a teenage myspace replacement, but a commercial engine.

Re: I used to fear being a nobody, then I left social media

#194

Post by RussianCow »

berkes wrote: post #92
fhbdukfrh wrote: post #49

Earlier quoted context omitted.

Don't conflate the medium with the quality of interaction. Not on FB != hermit, that's just what Facebook wants you to believe. I prefer deep personal relationships with few over hyper connectivity. Others may want a broader, shallower network; neither is wrong just define happiness for yourself.

I gave up facebook in 2014. It was a good decision. Some contacts I've lost. Others I picked up on email. My sister now posts her baby pics to me via whatsapp (yup: facebook owned) and email. Mom SMSes me when she wants to contact me. Dad emails me from overseas bi-weekly. Other people, I meet over a beer, or a coffee. And the best of it all? You have actual stuff to talk about. No! I did not know you had a second ch…

> And the best of it all? You have actual stuff to talk about. No! I did not know you had a second child already. Wow! Do tell!

I cannot emphasize how positive this is. I deleted my Facebook account about two years ago, and it's amazing how much more intimate my conversations with friends have become for precisely this reason. They now can't assume that I know things that are going on in their lives, which was hard at first (due to social pressure—"What? You haven't heard?") but became a blessing really quickly. I didn't realize how shallow some of my interactions with friends and acquaintances were until I dumped social media. By actually having a deep, face-to-face conversation with someone, you're much less likely to skip over some of the more nuanced bits that you're assumed to already know.

Re: I used to fear being a nobody, then I left social media

#195

Post by psweber »

mumblemumble wrote: post #69

I think that it's going to turn out that social media is like coffee: It's fine, even healthy, for some people, and harmful to others. And I would think that's fine, except that I fall into the latter group, and social media has come to consume so much of the online world that it means that I can't avoid it without excluding myself from large swathes of public life. I don't volunteer at my kids' school because coordi…

Sounds more like alcohol. If you have a couple drinks a week, it's no problem. If you can't stop yourself from binge drinking, you have to stop completely. Sobriety means that you miss out on social activities based around drinking.

Re: I used to fear being a nobody, then I left social media

#196

Post by voidhorse »

Why is this problem of “being known” so common? Does it stem from the way you’re raised? Personally, I’ve never cared two about how well known I was or that my accomplishments were recognized, etc. I just derive joy from the activities I pursue in themselves, I don’t really give a hoot if anyone acknowledges them.

I never joined social meadia because of this. I didn’t see the point. Seemed like a boring waste of time to me when it first dawned. Sure that has dramatically reduced the number of acquaintances I have in comparison to others, but I feel that the relationships I do have are of very high intimacy and quality.

Where does this need to “be somebody” come from? Has there been research on it? Are you more likely to develop a thirst for fame if you’re given a lot of external motivation/reinforcement as a child? If your parents focus on appluading you rather than the things you do? Not trying to be snarky here, I am genuinely curious as someone who has always been quite indifferent to the concept of fame.

Re: I used to fear being a nobody, then I left social media

#197

Post by BurningFrog »

celticmusic wrote: post #146
fhbdukfrh wrote: post #49

Earlier quoted context omitted.

Don't conflate the medium with the quality of interaction. Not on FB != hermit, that's just what Facebook wants you to believe. I prefer deep personal relationships with few over hyper connectivity. Others may want a broader, shallower network; neither is wrong just define happiness for yourself.

yeah, I've never understood myspace or FB. I remember when myspace was first blowing up, people were talking about having 100 friends, which always blew me away. I couldn't imagine trying to keep up with that many friends. I had a brief 1-2 year stint on FB where someone finally convinced me to get on it, and I had 13 friends on there. All of them people I know and hang out with regularly in real life. All I ever did…

Yeah, you may have done it wrong :)

To me, FB is a way to keep in touch with non close friends and relatives. I know what my close friends are up to anyway, but without FB I'd have no clue what the "next tier" 50-100 people do.

Re: I used to fear being a nobody, then I left social media

#198

Post by olah_1 »

92ace7830f00029 wrote: post #148

I do get the point of the author and I share it's thoughts and values, but for me it went quite different. I have never been a really social person. I have never had many friends. No one really asks me ever where I have been or what I have been doing or whatever. I used facebook to shitpost. To shitpost a lot and MAYBE get a few likes. It worked. It worked for way too long. Then someday i literally fell on my head, m…

>I then realized that I had no values at all.

This is too real. The curse of taking the irony pill.

Re: I used to fear being a nobody, then I left social media

#199

Post by colechristensen »

voidhorse wrote: post #196

Why is this problem of “being known” so common? Does it stem from the way you’re raised? Personally, I’ve never cared two about how well known I was or that my accomplishments were recognized, etc. I just derive joy from the activities I pursue in themselves, I don’t really give a hoot if anyone acknowledges them. I never joined social meadia because of this. I didn’t see the point. Seemed like a boring waste of time…

You belong to a social species and come with built in drives to engage in social behaviors like acquiring status and an interest in others social standing.

These tendencies vary by the individual and life experience.

Re: I used to fear being a nobody, then I left social media

#200

Post by SnowflakeOnIce »

namirez wrote: post #19

Many years ago someone told me that we should care about our mental hygiene as much as we care about the hygiene of the food that we consume. I quit FB two years ago after 11 years of active use. For a few weeks after deleting my account, I had these temptations to go back but after two months, I totally forgot about it and after two years, I'm very happy about leaving the platform. I also realized that it wasn't jus…

Next, take it one step further and skip going directly to any news sites or aggregators, and cut out news TV and radio.

You cut out the news-induced anxiety this way. After a while, you also realize that most news is noise, and doesn’t matter even a day later.

If something really significant happens, you’ll still hear about it.

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