Impersonators who are paid to flirt on dating apps • Hacker News Board

Re: Impersonators who are paid to flirt on dating apps

#191

Post by guelo » Fri, Apr 27, 2018, 1:47 PM UTC

adam-a wrote: post #131

tajen wrote: post #90

Earlier quoted context omitted.

No, it’s rather devastating for female sanity. It gives them the illusion of choice, and many women build false expectations, feeling that they could settle with any of those Don Juans, which is false. When they hit the wall at 30, they start noticing that the top 10% men keep dating the younger ones, and they’ll never be able to settle with a Perfect Man anymore. Enters depression and weight gain and they settle wit…

While divorce rates may be around 55% and if, for the sake of argument, the total percentage of unhappy marriages is 30% (although combining lack of sex with domestic abuse is a strange categorisation to me) don't you think a lot of those unhappy marriages end in divorce? The remaining "happy" couples is probably higher than 10%. On top of that I think you're using some very vague statistics and a stated concern for…

This incel philosophy is dangerous and spreading. There was just an awful terrorist attack by an incel in Toronto.

Re: Impersonators who are paid to flirt on dating apps

#192

Post by stared » Fri, Apr 27, 2018, 1:47 PM UTC

aphextron wrote: post #44

laurieg wrote: post #2

It is very informative to make a an online dating profile of the opposite gender. I'm a man, but when I made an account on tinder with a female friend's pictures I was blown away by just how radically different the experience was. Almost every person would match with me. Everyone would message me straight away. If I didn't reply most would message again in a few hours. A few would get very angry/upset that I didn't r…

I worked for $large_dating_site for a number of years. The real genius of Tinder was giving women the power. We came to the same realization as well: that no matter how bad you make the user experience for men, they will use the app endlessly if real women are there. Online dating business models are exclusively based around enticing men with sex, and giving women the power to choose precisely who they want.

The general dynamics tends to he highly tilted, with men doing all the work. It matches with some online experiments:

- "Men on Tinder Explain Why They Swipe Right on Literally Everyone" (https://broadly.vice.com/en_us/article/ae55xk/men-who-swipe-...)

- "Cupid on Trial: A 4-month Online Dating Experiment Using 10 Fictional Singletons" (http://jonmillward.com/blog/attraction-dating/cupid-on-trial...)

A larger context in the "taking initiative" section of "Dating for Nerds (part 2): gender differences" (http://p.migdal.pl/2017/09/30/dating-for-nerds-gender-differ...).

Re: Impersonators who are paid to flirt on dating apps

#193

Post by kofejnik » Fri, Apr 27, 2018, 1:49 PM UTC

magduf wrote: post #161

kofejnik wrote: post #138

Earlier quoted context omitted.

okcupid published some nice research into this, iirc women consider ~80% males to be "below average". So female standards are seriously skewed towards a small number of super-alphas, who, given a totally free market, would get all the dates

Yeah, but what about the flip side? Not all women are desirable to men: fat, unattractive, already have kids, etc. There's a lot of women who just never get a date, because their photos aren't very attractive and men want pretty women (I'm a man and I'll admit this readily: if a woman is a little overweight that's an automatic disqualifier for me).

It's nice that you can afford to be picky, but Okcupid talked about this as well, iirc _any_ woman short of actual physical deformity will get plenty of suitors. Compare this to about 50% of men who will not get any at all. In pre-historic times, only 40% of males procreated (again, iirc)

So the flip side seems quite small.

Re: Impersonators who are paid to flirt on dating apps

#194

Post by nkrisc » Fri, Apr 27, 2018, 1:53 PM UTC

cm2187 wrote: post #96

baron816 wrote: post #73

Earlier quoted context omitted.

What I’ve long wondered is how women react in the real world now that they have all the power on dating apps. Why would they try to find a date in any other way? There were a few articles that came out a few years ago arguing that, no, dating apps were terrible for women because it makes men even more noncommittal with such easy access to dates. My hypothesis was that the women they interviewed for those pieces were…

Particularly given that in the current environment any form of flirting can be treated as sexual harassment and have dire consequences for the party taking the initiative.

If you think that flirting can be mistaken as sexual harassment then that tells me you have no idea how to flirt.

Re: Impersonators who are paid to flirt on dating apps

#195

Post by Nav_Panel » Fri, Apr 27, 2018, 1:55 PM UTC

magduf wrote: post #161

kofejnik wrote: post #138

Earlier quoted context omitted.

okcupid published some nice research into this, iirc women consider ~80% males to be "below average". So female standards are seriously skewed towards a small number of super-alphas, who, given a totally free market, would get all the dates

Yeah, but what about the flip side? Not all women are desirable to men: fat, unattractive, already have kids, etc. There's a lot of women who just never get a date, because their photos aren't very attractive and men want pretty women (I'm a man and I'll admit this readily: if a woman is a little overweight that's an automatic disqualifier for me).

Here's the published article: https://theblog.okcupid.com/your-looks-and-your-inbox-8715c0...

Basically, men rate women more along a bell curve, but mostly message the upper end of attractiveness, whereas women rate most men as ugly and then reply anyway.

Re: Impersonators who are paid to flirt on dating apps

#196

Post by leeoniya » Fri, Apr 27, 2018, 2:00 PM UTC

dhimes wrote: post #163

pizza234 wrote: post #109

Earlier quoted context omitted.

> What I’ve long wondered is how women react in the real world now that they have all the power on dating apps Women always had that specific kind of power in real world. When/if you go to a party, observe the people who are alone, standing against a wall; they're invariably men, without absolutely no exception. This says everything about power. Having said that, bear in mind that this kind of power is only a (arguab…

It took me half a lifetime to realize this, but you are correct. It's the man's job to try, and it's the woman's job to choose. It's honestly changed the way I think about relationships.

with most animals, it is the male that pursues and the female that chooses. i honestly cannot think of an exception to this pattern.

Re: Impersonators who are paid to flirt on dating apps

#197

Post by magduf » Fri, Apr 27, 2018, 2:01 PM UTC

Double_a_92 wrote: post #105

laurieg wrote: post #2

It is very informative to make a an online dating profile of the opposite gender. I'm a man, but when I made an account on tinder with a female friend's pictures I was blown away by just how radically different the experience was. Almost every person would match with me. Everyone would message me straight away. If I didn't reply most would message again in a few hours. A few would get very angry/upset that I didn't r…

> Men shotgun and women pick and choose. The problem is that that is a vicious cycle. The more men shotgun the more women have to be picky. So nobody answers and man have to write to even more women... Usually this get's "fixed" by limiting the amount of messages men can send. But that doesn't really work. There should be a system that "punishes" women for being picky and men for being desperate. Maybe publicly show…

>Usually this get's "fixed" by limiting the amount of messages men can send. But that doesn't really work.

Tinder has a bit of a mechanism for this: you can only right-swipe on 100 people per day (as an unpaid user). That helps limit the "shotgun" approach to an extent, though it's probably not enough.

I tried the shotgun approach for a very short time once on Tinder. I stopped soon after because I got so many matches from women that I just wasn't interested in or attracted to, and I felt really bad about popping up as a match for them, and then disappearing suddenly, which I've seen women complain about. (Plus I ran into that 100-person limit.) So I only right-swipe for women I have some interest in now.

Re: Impersonators who are paid to flirt on dating apps

#198

Post by graeme » Fri, Apr 27, 2018, 2:04 PM UTC

noir_lord wrote: post #126

factsaresacred wrote: post #121

His blog may not be to everyone's taste, but the writer 'Delicious Tacos' pioneered this with OK Cupid years ago. On his blog he shares his online dating exploits along with some nice openers ("You are attractive, and I want to go out with you. Basically" being one that I stole and overused). Anyway, all that online dating made him horribly cynical. But damn if it doesn't make for good writing: > If she doesn’t give…

I heard the horror stories about online dating however my experience as a man was nothing but positive. I got responses maybe half the time and a date (coffee, nothing involving alcohol) maybe a third - I probably messaged 15 women over a year. Two proper relationships and one that is two years old in July and I plan to spend the rest of my life in. I did not use the shotgun approach, I excluded any woman who didn't…

Okcupid adopted a Tinder mechanic recently. You now have to swipe on photos and match before you can send a message.

Re: Impersonators who are paid to flirt on dating apps

#199

Post by watwut » Fri, Apr 27, 2018, 2:04 PM UTC

maroonblazer wrote: post #190

CiPHPerCoder wrote: post #175

Earlier quoted context omitted.

> It's the man's job to try, and it's the woman's job to choose. Is that a descriptive or prescriptive statement? Or put another way: Are you observing and remarking on cultural norms, or stating "This is how things should be?" I only ask because when someone says "It's X's job to [whatever]" the connotation is "X should [whatever]" but the context surrounding this made it ambiguous.

Not the parent but it's definitely descriptive. Should it be that way? The answer likely depends on whether you're a man or a woman. From the male's POV changing the game benefits us since there's less work to do. If you're a woman then it's the opposite and a net negative. This sexual dynamic evolved for a reason, so changing it seems like the epitome of an uphill battle.

The one making the choice is more likely to end up with preferred partner. The one accepting/rejecting existing proposal has less chance to end up with most preferred partner.

Re: Impersonators who are paid to flirt on dating apps

#200

Post by girvo » Fri, Apr 27, 2018, 2:04 PM UTC

watwut wrote: post #125

factsaresacred wrote: post #121

His blog may not be to everyone's taste, but the writer 'Delicious Tacos' pioneered this with OK Cupid years ago. On his blog he shares his online dating exploits along with some nice openers ("You are attractive, and I want to go out with you. Basically" being one that I stole and overused). Anyway, all that online dating made him horribly cynical. But damn if it doesn't make for good writing: > If she doesn’t give…

> Maybe means no. Hesitation means no. Not sure it is cynical. It might just be interpreting contemporary human communication correctly. In other contexts, "maybe" tends to be used when the other person don't really want to do whatever you want them to do. If you just spent two days trying to convince someone to go white water kayaking, then it normally means he dont want to be kayaking, it is the same.

His later writing is a lot more cynical. And brilliant.