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Married to someone with anxiety

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Re: Married to someone with anxiety

#191

Post by willempienaar »

b1tr0t wrote: post #107

OK - I'll bite. I haven't seen anyone mention medications here but personally I use propranolol. Life. Changing. For the first while I took it every day as prescribed for my ET. 20mg. And as I experienced the first pill (effects kick in about 40 minutes after), I had this realization "wait a minute, this is what it must feel like to be a normal person"! That light bulb in itself was incredible. Before that, I hadn't…

Did your symptoms ever manifest on your skin? If so, did the propranolol affect that at all?

Re: Married to someone with anxiety

#192

Post by sankae »

draw_down wrote: post #166
jacalata wrote: post #88

Earlier quoted context omitted.

> Life is hard enough without your partner making things that should be easy difficult. Would you make the same argument about a partner with cancer, or Alzheimer's, or multiple sclerosis?

I don't like when people compare mental issues to physical disease because three doctors will all diagnose the same cancer as cancer, not so with e.g. anxiety. (Not to mention the race, class, and gender biases that come into play with diagnosing mental issues). Beside that, there is some element of choice if the condition exists at the time you decide to make the other person your partner. If you meet someone with c…

I don't really like it when people don't think mental disease isn't a physical issue.

Re: Married to someone with anxiety

#193

Post by nathan_f77 »

sankae wrote: post #190
googletazer wrote: post #63

Earlier quoted context omitted.

Is it worth it? Staying out of "obligation" or "guilt"?

I see my wife as "family." You don't abandon family. Then again I'm Asian so perhaps our sense of family is different. For example, we often treat our cousins like siblings.

You should never make a blanket statement like "you don't abandon family." There are many situations where the best (and only) option is to get away. This includes both your spouse and your family. Abuse is one obvious example.

I'm not saying that we should run away at the first sign of mental health issues. I just think that there are plenty of situations where it might be the right decision. It's obvious in extreme cases, but the decision will always be extremely difficult.

For what it's worth, I think most people view their spouse as "family". It's hard to imagine a different arrangement.

Re: Married to someone with anxiety

#194

Post by NumberCruncher »

b1tr0t wrote: post #107

OK - I'll bite. I haven't seen anyone mention medications here but personally I use propranolol. Life. Changing. For the first while I took it every day as prescribed for my ET. 20mg. And as I experienced the first pill (effects kick in about 40 minutes after), I had this realization "wait a minute, this is what it must feel like to be a normal person"! That light bulb in itself was incredible. Before that, I hadn't…

>> * Reduced sex drive * Life just seems more "flat" I don't laugh as much, get as giddy. My partner described me as seeming "disconnected".

Propranolol - like other drugs - changes your personality and makes an other person out of you. Replacing you through "Propranolol you" is not a real solution.

Re: Married to someone with anxiety

#195

Post by NumberCruncher »

valuablevalve wrote: post #61

After a 10 year fight induced from stress, I can positively say that I'm free from it, just reading a page like this would have floored me 5 years ago. Some stuff I learned: - Stop* with coffee, for some reason tea does not the same thing to my body, coffee is like gasoline on the anxiety fire, I cant stress this point enough. - Stop* with nicotine, (almost) same as coffee - Stop* drinking, you need to stay strong 7…

Great post!

Taking responsibility for your situations can also help a lot. If you treat anxiety as an illness you give up your power over the situation. If you consider it only as a temoraly condition it gets easier to make the needed changes and get out of the anxiety.

Re: Married to someone with anxiety

#196

Post by NumberCruncher »

dominotw wrote: post #79
physcab wrote: post #5

Thank you for writing this. When people talk about these issues it becomes easier and more acceptable to society and it helps lessen anxiety stigmas. As someone who suffers from anxiety and who regularly seeks therapy, I can say that the rituals that have helped me are: - Realizing that anxiety isn't who you are, but more like a disturbance that will pass - Eating, sleeping, exercising, and practicing mindfulness go…

>One piece of advice I have for you is to not take on the role of mental health professional in your relationship. This isn't your problem and you can quickly tire yourself out. This is precisely the opposite of what happened in the post in question. Cause of anxiety was wanting to live a lifestyle and not wanting to work a stressful job. Marriage and "permission" to quit solved the issue immediately. None of the the…

>> Cause of anxiety was wanting to live a lifestyle and not wanting to work a stressful job. Marriage and "permission" to quit solved the issue immediately.

I am goin to play the devil's advocate but it would solve all of my problems if I would marry someone ritch who pays my bills while I quit my stressfull job and follow my passion. And she should also write a blog post about it.

Re: Married to someone with anxiety

#197

Post by NumberCruncher »

physcab wrote: post #5

Thank you for writing this. When people talk about these issues it becomes easier and more acceptable to society and it helps lessen anxiety stigmas. As someone who suffers from anxiety and who regularly seeks therapy, I can say that the rituals that have helped me are: - Realizing that anxiety isn't who you are, but more like a disturbance that will pass - Eating, sleeping, exercising, and practicing mindfulness go…

>> This isn't your problem and you can quickly tire yourself out.

This is totally right.

>> All you have to do to support is help your wife accept her current state, and help remind her of living in the present.

And this is totally wrong. I lived 4 years long together with someone having anxiety like the wife of the OP. We could literally never go out just like other joung couples because she was afraid of crowded places. Guess who did I met on the overcrowded dancing floor 3 months after breaking up? She and her friends.

People sometimes only need the opportunity and free space to take the responsibility for their own conditions and to take care about their own shit. With great responsibility comes great power.

Re: Married to someone with anxiety

#198

Post by TheOtherHobbes »

atsaloli wrote: post #176
digler999 wrote: post #169

Earlier quoted context omitted.

> the DSM is not valid. that makes treatment easy then. POOF! all mental illness disappears because the book is "invalid". FYI you're using a defense called denial[1] when you do that :) [1] https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Denial

We do actually need valid treatment.

That's going to be hard to organise if no one is sure what they're supposed to be treating.

It looks like you're using a God of the Sciences argument - because we don't have a full and complete model of mental anguish and self-defeating behaviours, nothing we currently believe about them can be useful or true.

This turns out to be inaccurate. Therapies are tested regularly. Some score better than others, and statistically the results are at least as valid as the result of clinical drug trials.

It would be useful to have a complete Theory of Mind, but no such thing is likely to exist for a while.

Luckily it isn't needed to make a difference. The most useful therapies are results-oriented rather than process-oriented, and the most consistent results come from behavioural reinforcement techniques (where "behaviour" includes "persistent emotional states.")

This doesn't mean other kinds of therapy are useless. But they are less reliable - which may be because they can be more challenging for both sides, or because they don't work, or for all kinds of other reasons.

Re: Married to someone with anxiety

#199

Post by digler999 »

randomdata wrote: post #185
digler999 wrote: post #168

Earlier quoted context omitted.

> jsprogrammer's remarks being downvoted into oblivion is not warranted. he's making loaded statements out of ignorance because he wont bother to google psychotherapy's definition. There is a therapeutic process to talking and learning to manage emotions and cope with defenses. Licensure is a key feature so you prohibit people from making fake therapeutic claims or quackery. Or to limit taking advantage of emotionall…

> Licensure is a key feature so you prohibit people from making fake therapeutic claims or quackery. Here in Canada, diary farmers need to be licensed to sell dairy products, as do poultry producers (chicken, turkey, eggs, etc.) Not because anyone is worried about someone selling fake milk or trying to claim ducks are chicken (quackery, get it?). If they were, they'd be equally worried about farmers producing other k…

I dont doubt that regulation enables regulatory capture, but what if assholes started selling dairy products that weren't up to sanitary code ? Say, like, a food truck. One day it's there, one day they're gone (conveniently after selling 50gal of tainted milk that sickens dozens). what do you do about that ?

Re: Married to someone with anxiety

#200

Post by gargalatas »

anxiety == trauma

1. After 6 months - 1 year it becomes part of you. You can't get any better without a professional help.

2. Go find the best psychiatrist (not therapist) your money can buy and trust him 100%.

3. Therapy and medicine can make miracles! You can become another person better than ever! Free from your worst fears forever.

4. Be patient. Therapy need 2-3 year or even more. But with the appropriate medicine you can keep your life going.

5. Medicine made to help people. All the other excuses are bullshit. But WARNING! Medicine doesn't make you better. It just hides the symptoms. Therapy will make you better. Therapy will give you the explanation and the self-cure.

6. No-one EVER EVER died from anxiety. Someday your will just have fun with all these symptoms. Just trust your doctor.

7. Read Echart Tolle. Maybe meditation is not the answer but he can teach you the meaning of life. Mindfulness is a great tool. Learn what you are thinking!

8. Psychiatry is the only science. The others are just philosophies.

9. Are you still here? Stop crying for your money and give them to your doctor! It's really a huge investment. Be absolutely sure that life will give them back multiplied. Remember that money is the medium.

10. DONT QUIT YOUR JOB. DONT QUIT ANYTHING. Anxiety == trauma!

Me? After spending 5 years with all the pseudo-cures and pseudo-doctors even with homeopathy and other crap like this I decided to start with the best doctor I could find. 2.5 years of a great journey. Feeling great and I am in the process of quitting therapy.

Keep up, and be strong!

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