Do Men Suck At Friendship? • Hacker News Board

Re: Do Men Suck At Friendship?

#181

Post by theorique » Wed, Apr 23, 2014, 11:35 AM UTC

bsder wrote: post #76

USian viewpoint here. This article makes me cringe. Is the author gay or a pseudonym for a girl? The article seems to extol what most would call "girly" friendship--continuous contact, social gossip, etc. Lots of attention to little things. Most guys I know of tend to equate true friendship along the lines of "will help you bury the body and won't ask questions." Male friendship tends to get tested around helping wit…

The article seems to extol what most would call "girly" friendship--continuous contact, social gossip, etc. Lots of attention to little things.

This happens within the article - the writer's wife essentially shames him for his "surfing friendship" not being like her friendships.

I've encountered this too, as I'm sure many men have - being criticized or blamed by family or spouses for not talking enough or not talking about "the right things" when spending time with friends. And you're left asking yourself "was I doing it wrong?" when I come home from hanging out with friends and playing video games or hacking or whatever.

Re: Do Men Suck At Friendship?

#182

Post by theorique » Wed, Apr 23, 2014, 11:36 AM UTC

adwn wrote: post #97

colechristensen wrote: post #83

Earlier quoted context omitted.

Speaking of cringing, the adjective you're looking for is 'American'.

I wonder when "America" ceased to mean "the two continents North and South America" and started to mean "USA" in the heads of US citizens. There's a reason why "European" isn't synonymous to "German", and why "Asian" isn't synonymous to "Chinese".

Usually the abbreviation "America" refers to "United States of ...", while if you're referring to the two continents, you refer to "The Americas". And if you want to get more specific, you can refer to North America or South America.

Re: Do Men Suck At Friendship?

#183

Post by theorique » Wed, Apr 23, 2014, 11:37 AM UTC

icosahedronman wrote: post #114

adwn wrote: post #97

Earlier quoted context omitted.

I wonder when "America" ceased to mean "the two continents North and South America" and started to mean "USA" in the heads of US citizens. There's a reason why "European" isn't synonymous to "German", and why "Asian" isn't synonymous to "Chinese".

Yea. I'm from India. And I resent the fact that any reference to 'Asian' means they are referring to the Chinese, Mongoloids or the Japanese. Hell, even most of Russia falls in Asia.

In the UK, "Asian" usually refers to India / Pakistan / Bangladesh.

Re: Do Men Suck At Friendship?

#184

Post by return0 » Wed, Apr 23, 2014, 11:40 AM UTC

elohesra wrote: post #141

Has anyone actually read the studies linked by the author to back up his drivel? I'll save you some time: the 2007 study isn't valid even by the low levels of scientific burden required for psychological studies (it's entirely based on self-reporting), and the 1982 study support the opposite conclusion to the author's. In fact, the 1982 study [0] finds that men and women simply have different kinds of friendships, wh…

Yeah, Mens Journal is not famous for its rigorous peer review.

Re: Do Men Suck At Friendship?

#185

Post by return0 » Wed, Apr 23, 2014, 11:41 AM UTC

Ntrails wrote: post #163

alex_doom wrote: post #153

Earlier quoted context omitted.

Men's Journal is basically Cosmo. Bullshit journalism and fluff.

Which leads to the inevitable question of what in gods name this garbage is doing on the front page of HN

Perhaps it highlights a potential problem and a market that needs to be disrupted.

Re: Do Men Suck At Friendship?

#186

Post by sanityinc » Wed, Apr 23, 2014, 11:42 AM UTC

adwn wrote: post #97

colechristensen wrote: post #83

Earlier quoted context omitted.

Speaking of cringing, the adjective you're looking for is 'American'.

I wonder when "America" ceased to mean "the two continents North and South America" and started to mean "USA" in the heads of US citizens. There's a reason why "European" isn't synonymous to "German", and why "Asian" isn't synonymous to "Chinese".

Do Canadians self-identify as living in "America"? I would guess not. But Germans certainly self-identify as European.

Re: Do Men Suck At Friendship?

#187

Post by gr3yh47 » Wed, Apr 23, 2014, 11:53 AM UTC

"when we were all so freaked-out about seeming gay that we'd leave an empty seat between us at the movies."

or, you know, because horizontal leg room...

Re: Do Men Suck At Friendship?

#188

Post by theorique » Wed, Apr 23, 2014, 12:28 PM UTC

icebraining wrote: post #69

cperciva wrote: post #49

Earlier quoted context omitted.

Men and women can't be friends because the sex part always gets in the way.

What an heteronormative thing to say.

How about: "straight men and straight women can't be friends because the sex part always gets in the way". Better now?

Re: Do Men Suck At Friendship?

#189

Post by theorique » Wed, Apr 23, 2014, 12:33 PM UTC

cowpig wrote: post #85

leccine wrote: post #3

Semi sexist, greatly generalizing title. The sample used for the study covers only fraction of the entire data set so making this conclusion is very bold.

It's just sexist, no semi about it. "this is how men are, this is how women are, this is how black people are, this is how gay people are..." it's a harmful way of thinking about the world

Acknowledging and cataloging real observed differences between men and women is fine. That's just science. What's not OK is shaming men for behaviors that are not better or worse than women, but just different.

Re: Do Men Suck At Friendship?

#190

Post by icebraining » Wed, Apr 23, 2014, 12:37 PM UTC

theorique wrote: post #188

icebraining wrote: post #69

Earlier quoted context omitted.

What an heteronormative thing to say.

How about: "straight men and straight women can't be friends because the sex part always gets in the way". Better now?

It was mostly a friendly jab, not a real criticism. I don't think I can ever use the word "heteronormative" in a completely serious way.