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The Lie Hollywood Loves to Tell

jmtame.posthaven.com

181–190 of 258 posts

Re: The Lie Hollywood Loves to Tell

#181
post #171

Another question is, of course, if straight dating can be fixed at all. After short stints on all the major dating websites, and of course trying to date in the real world, I've come to believe that the basic expectations people have can't really be satisfied, mostly by virtue of mathematics. The following is a male perspective, but I think the observations should be on par for the other side as well: First, there is…

The situation you describe here has been fixed a couple times to my knowledge, then the monetization part kicked in and the service became broken for males who don't pay, then for pretty much everyone. The service got worst but the money keeps coming in so it will probably never be fixed.

The point is if you design your dating service with those issues in mind they can be efficiently addressed.

Re: The Lie Hollywood Loves to Tell

#182
post #171

Another question is, of course, if straight dating can be fixed at all. After short stints on all the major dating websites, and of course trying to date in the real world, I've come to believe that the basic expectations people have can't really be satisfied, mostly by virtue of mathematics. The following is a male perspective, but I think the observations should be on par for the other side as well: First, there is…

Are you on the West Coast of the USA? It could just be that your problem is that single-male and single-female populations have segregated themselves geographically, as in the US. Over there, the West Coast has a huge surplus of single males, the East Coast has a huge surplus of single females, and as you move towards the center of the country (where I think people are less geographically mobile, and thus less self-segregating) the surpluses disappear.

Re: The Lie Hollywood Loves to Tell

#183
post #96

It was creepy the moment it wanted to authorize so much information from Facebook. Got creepier the moment the site asked me to start involving my friends without me knowing whether or not they wanted to be involved. Got super frustrating that my ability to even see how this site worked required me to drag my friends into this mess without their consent. And from what I can see, there's no way for me to specify which…

So...90% of people, give or take, are straight. Online dating is a clusterfuck of failure for straight people (ask anyone who's tried it, or the OP.) Online dating mostly works for gays and lesbians (you say so, I've seen the same from others.) And this guy is an idiot for trying to cater to the straight dating market? Precisely why?

Because he, as you are, is reasoning in terms of market which can only leads to failure to address the needs of the people using the service.

Remove the economist goggles, do without the gender distinction and start dealing with human beings and you'll be on the road for a successful dating service.

Re: The Lie Hollywood Loves to Tell

#185
post #118

I think you're right about a lot of the problems with dating websites - I wrote about this recently too here ( http://www.zacharyalberico.net/blog/dating-websites/ ). I remember checking your site out when you posted it and it's nice to see someone trying something actually new, but I feel like this concept doesn't solve the common problems and adds some new ones. Women will still be over messaged and men are still u…

I have to disagree that colleges are the best place to start, from your blog. We actually started all of this at Stanford, talking directly to fraternity and sorority presidents. They all sounded excited when we said we'd taken them out for drinks to get their thoughts, but when it came time to pull the trigger and sign up, they wouldn't do it. Why? Because the Greeks have it perfectly. They're basically paying fees…

What has always weirded me out about post-college life is that the density of things like clubs and activities is much, much lower. I would have thought people would be social about their hobbies post-college, but somehow... not so much, in many places.

Re: The Lie Hollywood Loves to Tell

#186

Earlier quoted context omitted.

Exactly my thoughts reading the post, reeks and relents of heteronormativity and heterosexism. Using facebook for a dating site is plain wrong (what happens the day facebook opens a dating service and shuts your website access to facebook down ?) but only using facebook is definitely a tell to go away.

I think the thought process is that if you're going to be a wing person for your friend, you're going to know if they're interested in women or men. I the same idea of whether or not you would invite a friend that's in a relationships. I think the point is very valid though.

I'd like to point out that facebook friends are not the same as friends. And friends do not necessarily know the sexual preferences of each other, it's not only about straight or gay, there's a whole range of sexual preferences out there and you don't always tell your friends about yours if they tends to deviate from the traditional cultural norm.

Re: The Lie Hollywood Loves to Tell

#187

Earlier quoted context omitted.

I'd firmly advice against being open about your personal information on the internet, especially on a dating site. I understand every big internet corporation is pushing the idea that privacy is dead and that you ought to put every thing about you online for every one to see. But what made the internet great is its pseudonymous nature. Don't lie on your profile, but don't put up identifying personal info either.

You mean, like a picture?

Like a face picture, or stupid myspace/facebook picture.

You'll never thank me for this because you probably won't have to face the worst of identity theft thanks to it.

Re: The Lie Hollywood Loves to Tell

#188
post #70

I think you're right about a lot of the problems with dating websites - I wrote about this recently too here ( http://www.zacharyalberico.net/blog/dating-websites/ ). I remember checking your site out when you posted it and it's nice to see someone trying something actually new, but I feel like this concept doesn't solve the common problems and adds some new ones. Women will still be over messaged and men are still u…

Women will still be over messaged and men are still under messaged. People still ignore profiles in favor of photos - what does this change? Aren't you more interested in reading what somebody's friend has to say about them rather than what they're saying about themselves? Also, we have Facebook accounts (100+ friends required to join) which are not easy to replicate and we can rate limit. On OkCupid, the worst that…

Facebook only was stupid to start with, but 100+ facebook friends requirement is something else, it means the service is only open to a specific kind of profile, the one who add people without thinking.

Funny thing is in my online dating profile, I have a requirement similar to yours: that people getting in touch with me have no facebook account.

Re: The Lie Hollywood Loves to Tell

#189
post #54

Here's what I'm getting at: if we were all more social about online dating, it'd suck a lot less. A majority of problems go away with online dating sites when you make it social. Trying to make this sound cool by using the word "social" doesn't stop this from being the classic awkward kid's lament: "If only people were straightforward about mating and romance! If only there wasn't this forest of doublespeak and taboo…

Hmmm.... I want to voice a modified version of it.

The real trouble is not the forest of doublespeak and taboos surrounding sex. Sex is, so to speak, the easy part. Once you find a compatible partner with whom you can communicate solidly about your relationship (see below), your meatware substrates come pre-programmed for the sex act itself ;-).

The problem is the forest of doublespeak and taboos surrounding basic human fragility. There's almost a bizarre, hypocritical handshake protocol here: to meet someone and make friends with them, you generally need to appear well-put-together, sane, and just generally competent at life -- all without seeming smug or overconfident or douchey, either. This mostly involves scrubbing off the parts of your self-projection to others that don't fit what other people think of as "competent at life".

Problem is, deepening and maintaining a relationship, romantic or otherwise, consists precisely of letting your guard down and showing your baggage. Your positive baggage too, not just the negative.

Among more reticent social groups or cultures, people rarely manage it at all. They're never willing to let their guard down or exchange baggage, so they go through life with a series of shallow "friendships" and "relationships" that keep seeming Just Fine until they abruptly end because there wasn't a strong enough bond to take even a feather's new weight.

Then you hit some arbitrary "getting older" age, look back, and realize you spent your youth fucking around, have few friends, and no marriage. Whoops, time for the Biological and Parental Expectations Clocks and the sudden run to the altar! In another couple years, time for a divorce!

Source: I have fairly close ties to most of my friends and I've been with my fiancee for going on five years now.

Re: The Lie Hollywood Loves to Tell

#190
post #171

Another question is, of course, if straight dating can be fixed at all. After short stints on all the major dating websites, and of course trying to date in the real world, I've come to believe that the basic expectations people have can't really be satisfied, mostly by virtue of mathematics. The following is a male perspective, but I think the observations should be on par for the other side as well: First, there is…

Are you on the West Coast of the USA? It could just be that your problem is that single-male and single-female populations have segregated themselves geographically, as in the US. Over there, the West Coast has a huge surplus of single males, the East Coast has a huge surplus of single females, and as you move towards the center of the country (where I think people are less geographically mobile, and thus less self-s…

If I understand you and your parent correctly then what you're each implying about differences in numbers of single men seeking women and single women seeking men within a given area appears to violate at least one of a few basic and seemingly-reasonable assumptions:

1. The ratio of females to males is very close to 1 anywhere in the country.

2. Heterosexuality, homosexuality, etc. is about the same in males and females.

3. Almost everyone who does not identify as "single" is in an exclusive relationship with one person.

I don't live in the US so am quite probably missing something here that you know and I don't. Or my reasoning is mistaken. Could you clarify?

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