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I love you, dad

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Re: I love you, dad

#181

Post by Confusion »

ColinWright wrote: post #57
pekk wrote: post #32

Earlier quoted context omitted.

Many women want to be mothers. Having a kid is easier than falling off a log, it just takes time. However, it's not correct to imply that women with divorced families are worse somehow.

> Having a kid is easier than falling off a log, > it just takes time. Wrong, and to say so like that demonstrates both ignorance and a significant lack of sensitivity.

Your response was incomprehensible to me until it was explained later down that the point is that sometimes the offending statement isn't true. However, his response was about the unnecessary generalization concerning divorced women and in that context the statement 'having a kid is easy' can be assumed to be true, without changing the point.

You can't insist on people considering all outliers when making a generic point. We'd have to hedge virtually every statement out of fear to offend someone. Therefore I think the severity of your response is uncalled for and suggests you haven't come to terms with the fact that you, or someone near you, is an outlier. It's perfectly fine to educate people about tacit assumptions when those are the relevant point of a discussion, but in the unconstructive way you phrased it, you are not likely to convince anyone.

Tl;dr: I'm not ignorant or insensitive for not considering outliers to a generic statement whose 'mostly true'-ness is the only thing that matters, given ghe context in which it was used.

Re: I love you, dad

#182

Post by saraid216 »

jacoblyles wrote: post #105
king_jester wrote: post #86

Earlier quoted context omitted.

All this chart shows in an increase in the number of single mother households over time, particularly starting in the 1960s/1970s, in the United States. Whether or not you see that as sad depends on what you know of the living conditions women experienced in the time before that, conditions which gave rise the 2nd wave feminist movements. Suffice it to say the same underlying social and gender disparities existed pri…

As far as I am aware, children living with both parents do much better in life in a variety of metrics (income, criminality, academics, child poverty, and etc.). While easier divorce may have led to an increase in equality for women, it has also had an immense negative impact on children. Trade-offs exist, whether or not we choose to ignore them for ideological reasons. You are free to believe that the modern world i…

I see a chart that shows that single parents and their children aren't dying of poverty as much as they used to. I suppose you could say that this is a net negative for the children, since they might be unhappy rather than dead, but that's a value judgement of your choosing.

Re: I love you, dad

#183

Post by saraid216 »

ScottBurson wrote: post #154
speeder wrote: post #153

Earlier quoted context omitted.

I don't have breasts. There are boatloads of research that shows that children younger than 1 year really need contact with the mother ( even if adoptive ), breastfeeding, and simple body contact ( among other things ) are part of various processes, mostly related to hormones. It is great selfishness to hurt a child by not allowing it intense and almost constant contact with the mother ( not the father ) Working is n…

Body contact is indeed important, but you are mistaken that it must always be with the mother. Parents can share every childraising activity except breastfeeding -- and it's not necessary that children be strictly breastfed. It seems you have grown up believing that family is about sacrifice. I think this is sad. Having a family takes work, certainly, but it should be a joy, not a burden.

> Parents can share every childraising activity except breastfeeding

Actually, it is possible for males to lactate. But it's extremely rare and difficult, and I don't actually remember if it was considered sufficient.

Re: I love you, dad

#184

Post by saraid216 »

singleserv wrote: post #177

While there are sympathetic ears, I thought I would share my own story, just so I can let it out. I'm the son of immigrants who worked hard to get me the best education that they could afford. My family have been through hard times and good times, and back to hard times recently since the housing bust. Money had always been a thorn for as long as I can remember. Some time during college, while tasting such freedom (e…

As someone else whose story has some similarities, I can only encourage you to stand your ground. I'd recommend that, before you try again, build a support network of friends who are aware of the details of your story and at least mostly agree with you. The way to stay emotionally healthy when resuming contact is to have people to fall back on when things don't turn out well, to have people who'll support you whichever direction you jump.

Re: I love you, dad

#185

Post by arrrg »

jspthrowaway2 wrote: post #127
tharris0101 wrote: post #81

I've never met Markus Persson, but its obvious from reading his tweets and posts that he is a good person. If anyone deserves the success he's had, its him.

I'm not so sure that he is entirely a good person or worth this level of praise. He spends a lot of time apologizing for Twitter drama that he invents, and it seems like he has the tendency to shoot first and ask questions later. The Yogscast debacle comes to mind. For those that are unaware, Yogscast, one of the biggest promotional engines sending traffic to Minecraft, went to Minecon on their own dime and did an au…

I'm pretty certain that was a misunderstanding, not in any way malevolent.

Do you really think he is trying to find drama? That makes no sense at all. He is inexperienced at being famous and communicating publicly. That's all.

People like you are extremely intolerant and grating to me. This is a non-issue, and you make it into a big deal.

Re: I love you, dad

#186

Post by gadders »

diego wrote: post #73
jbail wrote: post #6

That gave me chills. I'm constantly impressed by people that have the ability to share their personal life with the world in an honest way that reveals the vulnerabilities we all share as humans. It is so much more refreshing than the opposite, where we pretend our lives are perfect and we never experience moments of doubt or melancholy. It is rare to see someone make a post like this. This is precisely what makes it…

You may be interested in my post from yesterday. http://longposts.com/1990082

:-(

Re: I love you, dad

#187

Post by narag »

jacoblyles wrote: post #170
Klinky wrote: post #159

Earlier quoted context omitted.

I do not believe that was your point at all. Your post suggested quite the opposite. To me it read as though you think people are ignoring the impact easy divorce has on children because of ideological reasons. The same could be said of people who think marriage means a happy and stable home life.

I'm speaking of averages. On average, a two parent home is much better for children. Of course there are exceptions. Pointing out exceptions to robust statistical data is the most common fallacious statistical argument.

Statistical data don't tell why. Divorce could be the effect of the real problem (alcoholism or mental disorder) and staying married could actually have made things worse.

The thing is, once you got to decide, statistics say nothing useful, it's your situation or, if you prefer, your exception, your anecdote, what really matters.

Re: I love you, dad

#188

Post by rehack »

DigitalSea wrote: post #134

This story hits close to my heart. I lost my mother a little over a year ago due to chronic alcoholism. She had been drinking for years, battled post-natal depression and one day we convinced her she was really sick and needed to go to the hospital. Her liver was in the process of shutting down, she was so dehydrated and malnourished her veins had shrunk making it difficult for doctors to take blood or put in drips.…

Thanks for sharing your story, its very moving and wish the very best for you, and all your siblings.

>People say drugs like marijuana are bad, alcohol is the worse of them all

Totally agree. I have seen, my close friend (from college) totally disintegrate because of alcohol abuse. He did a lot of very nasty things to the persons he loved. Lost his job (several times). Got a job after a long time with difficulty and then lost it again. It became so bad, that he became delirious, and started hallucinating about some people being present when he was alone. And being the raw and powerful person he is, its very difficult for anybody to help him, unless he himself cooperates.

After seeing him at close quarters, and trying to be of help, I can say that alcohol abuse is the worst kind of evil. Now a days, in India, they show a lot of mandatory ugly-cigarette warnings before showing a movie. Every time I see those, I am reminded, that there can be none worse than alcohol abuse. Cigarette smoking is known to cause cancer, and is bad. But alcohol abuse is like cancer of the mind. Where the person himself/herself becomes a cancer for their close family.

Re: I love you, dad

#189

Post by nasmorn »

gnufied wrote: post #165
akie wrote: post #16

Earlier quoted context omitted.

You must be quite young. To me, what defines a good relationship (in terms of having a partner) is not necessarily that what you have in common with the other is a strong desire for stability, family life & kids. I've seen people get married because of this desire, and the people I've observed doing that don't necessarily seem very happy. On the contrary, actually. After a while they just become jaded. Like people in…

I am a Indian and have seen this line often repeated. A relationship from my cultural perspective is also about committing to make it work. I am trying to bootstrap a startup with my best friend and there is lot in common between us but when going gets tough, it is important to be not an asshole. I am married as well. My wife's and my own dreams are somewhat different, but if I decide somehow to let my dreams take pr…

I am also very fond of the arranged marriage mindset if not the actual practice. I believe countless viable partners exist but a marriage to me me means not giving up or chasing a more perfect option. Especially since the later quickly turns to what I call kitten syndrome. Everyone loves a kitten and everyone lives a new relationship but eventually you gotta deal with the fact that a cat is a cat. Some people though rather drown a cat every spring.

Re: I love you, dad

#190

Post by shawn-butler »

jQueryIsAwesome wrote: post #175
shawn-butler wrote: post #132

Earlier quoted context omitted.

You are conflating ethics with morality and choice/action with effect. The question posed was why do Bad things happen to good people? You noted that, from I assume a scientific perspective, bad things are just often random occurrences that people artifically label as "bad." My response is that Bad things are not random and result from a deviation from the natural order and that our sense of that wrongness from those…

You contradict yourself by saying that bad things are a logical result of multiple events and then saying that you "could" have done something different. Our brains are just a bunch of chemicals that form organic materials called neurons that process and share information using electric-chemical reactions called synapses. Meaning that if you are a murderer you are as responsable for killing as the sun for shining (th…

I made no such reductionist argument.
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