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Making peace with your unlived dreams (2023)

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Re: Making peace with your unlived dreams (2023)

#181

Post by andruby »

donatj wrote: post #143

I turned 40 the other day. There has been unrelenting reflection on where I am and how I got here. A lot of lament for a small handful of decisions and a life marked by avoiding uncomfortable decisions. I don't know where the last 20 years have gone. Last I remember, I was playing Wii in my friend's basement. I remember the seemingly endless opportunities nights laid out before us. DVDs and pizza and furious laughter…

Turned 40 too recently.

I have a much more relaxed feeling than I had 2~3 years ago. I am content, even happy, with the life choices I made. My family and I moved from Europe to South Africa, and while that has made the work side harder, the life side is so much better. Kids love it. They go to a much better school. We live outdoors most of the year. We hike. We sport. I took on surfing.

Like others have mentioned: reach out to those friends. Just a "Hi, how are you? I was just thinking about you and wanted to hear how you've been" can be the simple ice-breaker.

You're about at the half-way point for your life: what gives you joy? (playtime with the kids? learning a new hobby? ...?) do more of that! What gives you anxiety? (work? new boss?) figure out if you really need to spend time on that.

There are a thousand books about these things, but it's not really rocket science. Accept who you are. Accept who other people are. Make changes if you want.

Re: Making peace with your unlived dreams (2023)

#182

Post by cat_plus_plus »

munificent wrote: post #92
keithnz wrote: post #88

Earlier quoted context omitted.

The article is a bit off base IMHO. That guy could go snowboarding, he just thinks the warning he got creates a risk that isn't worth it. It sounds to me he hasn't even thought much about risk mitigation, or alternatives, etc. So really he's talking about letting go of a non serious fantasy that he has. 'Dream' is a bit of a wishy washy term... you could call that fantasy a dream, but you could also call things you a…

With respect, the author said his doctor told him not to. I am certain that the author and their medical professional know a hell of a lot more about what's a good idea for his body than you or I do. When you are young and healthy, it feels like your body has no real hard limits, and doesn't define the boundary of what is and what isn't possible. But at some point, through age or misfortune, you will learn that, no,…

There are amputees that do snowboarding with specially designed prosthesis and boards, so there is certainly a way to take load off weak knees with appropriate gear. OP is just, quite reasonably, not prioritizing this minor dream enough to invest so much time and money in it at the expense of other priorities.

Re: Making peace with your unlived dreams (2023)

#184

Post by kakacik »

raffael_de wrote: post #135
shermantanktop wrote: post #7

A life well-lived is really what we should all hope for. What that actually means varies by person. Sitting and thinking for 10 minutes about snowboarding when your knees are blown out is 10 minutes you could have used differently. Everyone has regrets but my attitude is: I can’t change the past, but I can change the future.

> A life well-lived is really what we should all hope for. That doesn't make sense. A life however-lived implies you're dead. You cannot admire your well-lived life. > I can’t change the past, but I can change the future. You cannot change the future ... Maybe you're not a native speaker. The reason why I reply is because I notice that many people fall into language traps when reasoning about something philosophical.…

A 'life well lived' doesn't matter only at the very end of the journey, it defines quality, quantity, depth and so on of every single step along it, its just an ultimate metric to use.

I can certainly identify with similar approach, I call it 'looking at actions from my death bed', and how would I rate them and overall process of living my life'. That moment itself is largely irrelevant, the path to it means everything to me.

It lead me to many happy choices and no regrets.

Re: Making peace with your unlived dreams (2023)

#185

Post by kakacik »

jazzpush2 wrote: post #101
edot wrote: post #73

Earlier quoted context omitted.

Is this mindset why people like watching sports so much? I’ve never understood it, really. You’re not playing, exercising, practicing, getting injured, losing, or winning, nor are you getting paid, so … why care? I could just be an asshole but if we go to Mars tomorrow, I’ll go “ok that was cool” and then go to the grocery store, cook dinner, go to bed, and go to work tomorrow. It just doesn’t matter. I am not we and…

Do you feel that way about all forms of entertainment? You also are not, "playing, exercising, practicing, getting injured, losing, or winning, nor are you getting paid" nor doing comedy when you watch Joe Rogan standup, so who cares?

Joe Rogan? Heck no, he is POS and I can't understand why the popularity. There are tons of proper adult male role models with much more smart and respectable character than him.

I get your point I think, I do enjoy stand up comedy, live or just watching a netflix special. I wouldn't compare it to watching sports, the level of excitement is on another level.

Also sport events take way more time, they developed into this pathetic commercial charade where true spirit of actual sportmanship is long gone, its all about sponsors, cash flows, chasing instagram followers, and overall... money. Can't say I can respect that, so why reward it with the most important item I have in my life - my free time.

Same time could be spend on a proper hike in nature, and discover and achieve something meaningful, and way more rewarding. Or anything else, rather than sitting on one's ass, watching others doing sports. Often done by people with weight issues, then it becomes hilariously ridiculous. If people poured as much attention and energy to crap happening society left and right we would be living in global second renaissance. Or self-improvement, whatever than just passive watching of life going by.

Re: Making peace with your unlived dreams (2023)

#186

Post by kakacik »

JR1427 wrote: post #142
pillefitz wrote: post #106

Earlier quoted context omitted.

What's so great about the army? To me, it appears to be one of the most unethical occupations one could have.

Travel, adventure, camaraderie, to name a few. At university I started down the path of joining the infantry as an officer. At first it was great fun - getting paid to go camping on weekends away from university. But when the political side began being pressed home more and more, it didn't sit well with my beliefs. Oh, and I met my now wife at that time, and didn't want to go disappearing off. I ended up getting a Ph…

You can find that in many sports communities. Not everywhere by default, but folks are pretty open everywhere once its clear you have something in common.

You can get as much travel and adventure as your mind and wallet can handle, without strict orders that prevent you from actually having fun, without risk of being killed by some drone from above. Or killing another human being just because you were told so, maybe a father defending their village and family from invading forces.

Nah, you can do much better than those guys, and not lose your humanity and happiness in the process.

Re: Making peace with your unlived dreams (2023)

#187

Post by all2 »

Scroll_Swe wrote: post #112
stego-tech wrote: post #50

It’s the not-knowing that is the most haunting. I know I’ll never be able to take martial arts; I have made peace with that. I know I will never be an amazing athlete; I have made peace with that as well. Same with my body composition: I will never be rail-thin, I will never “fit” into most “fun” cars even when I finish my weight loss journey, I will never be the kind of guy who can fit into a Medium of anything clot…

Feels good growing up a skinny gamer. I fit into M. And "fun cars" (I dont drive) (Im a virgin)

Both of those can be fixed with a minimal amount of daily work.

Re: Making peace with your unlived dreams (2023)

#188

Post by card_zero »

munificent wrote: post #91
onlypassingthru wrote: post #63

Earlier quoted context omitted.

God, give me grace to accept with serenity the things that cannot be changed, courage to change the things which should be changed, and the wisdom to distinguish the one from the other. - Reinhold Niebuhr's Serenity prayer

As much as the serenity prayer comes across as some tacky shit you'd find painted on a wall in that one handwriting font in a beach house in Florida... it's the greatest distillation of human wisdom I've ever found. I've been in therapy many years, and you wouldn't believe how often it comes up and we discuss it in the context of some problem in my life. So much of life's difficulties hinge on the axis of trying to f…

The two people I knew who really liked the serenity prayer (and wanted everybody to notice) were assholes. It can mean something like "See, I struggle every day with important issues concerning my power, and, I'm wise about it too! Also I consulted God, turns out you have to put up with some things," which makes it into an excuse for being really controlling.

My preferred version: do what you can, don't sweat it.

Re: Making peace with your unlived dreams (2023)

#189

Post by all2 »

donatj wrote: post #175
justonceokay wrote: post #159

Earlier quoted context omitted.

> I think I have just too strong of a mask for anyone else to truly pierce. And a flair for the dramatic!

If I can't be dramatic in my midlife crisis, then when?

A mask and a Carrera will lend plenty of drama. The question is "what kind of mask will you wear while driving the Carrera?"

Re: Making peace with your unlived dreams (2023)

#190

Post by ericmcer »

donatj wrote: post #143

I turned 40 the other day. There has been unrelenting reflection on where I am and how I got here. A lot of lament for a small handful of decisions and a life marked by avoiding uncomfortable decisions. I don't know where the last 20 years have gone. Last I remember, I was playing Wii in my friend's basement. I remember the seemingly endless opportunities nights laid out before us. DVDs and pizza and furious laughter…

Only 39 but definitely relate.

From 18-28 life was sharing apartments with various friends just wiling our time away working easy jobs, rock climbing, video games, girls, etc. Then the looming pressure of "you are wasting your life!" drove us all into serious careers and relationships one by one.

Is it societal pressure that pushes us out of that life? It would be considered an "empty" existence, but being a part time bartender who just meanders around and spends time with friends/family until their time is up would be a weirdly buddhist lifestyle.

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