Hacker News Board Hacker News, browsed like a classic message board
Live data from Hacker News

Nine things I learned in ninety years

edwardpackard.com

Post reply on HN
Print view View original

181–190 of 405 posts

Re: Nine things I learned in ninety years

#181

Post by bluGill »

fpsvogel wrote: post #60
flanked-evergl wrote: post #50

Earlier quoted context omitted.

An even more outsized role is played by a virtuous life. It may not make you a billionaire, but if you finish high school, get a full-time job once you finish school, get married before you have children, then you are quite likely to have a good life. We are doing a disservice to our fellow man by not telling them this truth.

To take one of your examples, high school graduation rates vary from ~25% to ~98% in U.S. school districts. It's not because some districts have a lot more virtuous young people, but because some districts are poor and others are wealthy, among other factors. Even if one of those factors is virtuous parents, kids can't choose their parents. I'm not denying our moral agency, but it is often constrained by environment.…

No, but a few of those poor kids see the claim change their life instead of following their parents examples and those kids tend to do well. We see this most in immigrants where the parents come with nothing and barely get by but their kids despite going to the same bad schools do well

Re: Nine things I learned in ninety years

#182

Post by mattgreenrocks »

> to guard against self-deception

The greatest gift my counselor taught me was helping me realize the extent to which I could bullshit myself. I'm not sure I'm necessarily much better at stopping it, but instead now realize that my urge to adapt to a situation can be maladaptive, and my brain will happily retcon a million reasons why it has to be that way rather than chance the ego dying in the face of something unknown.

Re: Nine things I learned in ninety years

#183

Post by flanked-evergl »

malnourish wrote: post #178
flanked-evergl wrote: post #162

Earlier quoted context omitted.

> Being married or not is just signing a paper. If we ignore almost all of human history save for the past 50 years, then yes. If we redefine marriage to not mean what most humans that have ever used the word meant by it, then yes. But why would we do these things? If you call all relations between two human beings marriage, you gain nothing, you just lose a word. Marriage is a covenant between two people, a man and…

I'm married to my wife. We lived together happily for more than a decade before we married. We are childless atheists in a neighborhood of other childless, atheist, married couples, some of whom have been together almost as long as my wife and I have been alive. By your definition, are we all unmarried or living in disharmony?

> By your definition, are we all unmarried or living in disharmony?

If we consider what the word meant up until about 50 years ago, then yes. If we consider the new definition, of "you signed a piece of paper given to you by the government, and gave it back to the government". Then, sure, you are married.

I'm not trying to insult you or denigrate you, but again, if we use the word marriage for all relations between two human beings, then we gain nothing, we just lose a word.

Re: Nine things I learned in ninety years

#184

Post by hshshshshsh »

bregma wrote: post #124
vladms wrote: post #114

Earlier quoted context omitted.

While strictly true, I wonder what does this sentence generates in the minds of the readers. I personally would prefer other formulations, because while I agree with the core, I think this idea should just reduce frustration if you don't succeed, while I am afraid it can be used as an excuse for not trying. Yes, you need luck, but if you never get out of your room/street/neighborhood/city/country, you might have less…

Serendipity favours the prepared mind.

I think it's not prepared. More like a willingness to be open to possibilities. Preparation assume you know something good is coming and can prepare now to face it. Those kind of events are probably not that life changing. Of course there are exceptions.

But best things in life come from opportunities that you cannot prepare for in advance. Just willingness to accept it.

Re: Nine things I learned in ninety years

#185

Post by tclancy »

koolba wrote: post #157
bregma wrote: post #124

Earlier quoted context omitted.

Serendipity favours the prepared mind.

Damn straight. Often, being at the right place at the right time is more of a matter of predicting the places to be and arriving there in advance of said right time.

But however you want to spin it, there’s still the underlying luck, that you survived until that moment, that you were able to reach that place and that you were free to venture there are all inputs you didn’t have much or any control over. There’s no shame in it. I’ve achieved a good deal in a half century of life and much of it was via hard work and guile, but I do tend to think of myself as lucky because, even as a middle-class kid back when the US had that, where my starting blocks were placed on the track was far enough ahead of the bulk of the pack that these things became achievable.

Re: Nine things I learned in ninety years

#186

Post by tclancy »

smokel wrote: post #134
ErigmolCt wrote: post #87

Earlier quoted context omitted.

It's wild how much of what we chalk up to merit is really just the invisible scaffolding of luck: being born in the right place, with the right wiring, at the right time...

The problem lies in the word "we". I personally don't think this, and neither do most other people who gave this subject some thought. It's just that silly ideas get to live around for a long time, and simply proving them false has little to no effect.

You probably want to revisit the author’s sixth point. Perhaps the people who don’t agree have given it a lot of thought too?

Re: Nine things I learned in ninety years

#187

Post by programmarchy »

latexr wrote: post #172
flanked-evergl wrote: post #82

Earlier quoted context omitted.

Nope. Statistically, having children before you get married is much more likely to result in worse outcomes. Maybe cause and effect is inverted, but maybe the better option is to not run a social experiment in fatherless children as we have been doing for the past couple of decades with absolutely no research to suggest that it can result in positive outcomes and loads of data to show that it's almost definitely can'…

Statistics without context can be misleading. It’s reasonable to assume that the cause is the prior situation which lead to it , not the act itself. Picture two scenarios: 1. A loving unmarried couple, regardless of gender, sexual orientation, or child bearing, lives in an affluent neighbourhood, in a rich country, have steady incomes, and decide to have a child. After ten years they decide “I love you so much. I don…

An analogy

Statement: Statistically, seatbelts reduce the chances you’ll die in a car accident.

You: But, what if your car crashes into a lake and you get trapped underwater?

Re: Nine things I learned in ninety years

#188

Post by only-one1701 »

hshshshshsh wrote: post #184
bregma wrote: post #124

Earlier quoted context omitted.

Serendipity favours the prepared mind.

I think it's not prepared. More like a willingness to be open to possibilities. Preparation assume you know something good is coming and can prepare now to face it. Those kind of events are probably not that life changing. Of course there are exceptions. But best things in life come from opportunities that you cannot prepare for in advance. Just willingness to accept it.

Not recognizing and pursuing opportunities is one of my greatest regrets in life. Going to work like hell to teach my kids different.

Re: Nine things I learned in ninety years

#189

Post by tclancy »

sarabande wrote: post #90

I enjoyed this piece, including references to the Stoics and Spinoza. It preaches serenity, goodwill, composure, etc. As someone in their 30s with children, work and a generally busy life, I wonder if anyone can recommend some pieces with more direct application - that is, in this vein, but perhaps an operational / how-to guide. Sometimes, it's hard to translate principles to action.

As someone in their 50s with a kid, work and a busy life, I’ve found the unlovable fact of it is these things resist a How To guide. It’s sort of like the thing about anyone who wants to be a politician shouldn’t be allowed to. If someone is distilling these things into a How To, at best, they grasp the ideas but lack the perspective that their lived experience isn’t anyone else’s, so the context is all lost. The bits and pieces that I’ve come to think which map up with the author’s tend to be found in books that lack a goal or a point.

As an aside, the Internet-driven grindset that everything, even a hobby, should have a point is one to resist with all your might. Think of the times you laughed loudest playing with your kids; I doubt you all were trying to achieve a goal beyond being together having fun.

Re: Nine things I learned in ninety years

#190

Post by only-one1701 »

Poomba wrote: post #177
erenst wrote: post #175

Earlier quoted context omitted.

I like to call it "Exposing yourself to luck." You can't win lottery if you never play. Play the lottery with the best odds and play it as much as you can.

Other than moving to the right location, what are other ways to expose yourself to luck?

I think it’s just trying to be exposed to as many opportunities as possible with the best tools you can have. You can’t determine whether or not you can catch a fish, but you can acquire the best fish-catching tools you can get, try to get to the fullest river, and stay out there as long as you can. I think the role of “luck” really hits when you realize how some people are born on the side of the river with a gigantic, well-made net.
Post reply on HN