Earlier quoted context omitted.
You were the one with the question.
> Does that explain things for you? Not the only one.
My rhetorical question was no a question.
Emotional support across adulthood: A 60-year study of men’s social networks
181–190 of 191 posts
Re: Emotional support across adulthood: A 60-year study of men’s social networks
#182Earlier quoted context omitted.
What position? That social science is conceptually a thing?
I think we are agreeing it’s an individual’s problem. I was responding to the “compassion” comment not the joke comment but the same applies for everyone. I just see streams of these weirdly skewed articles. The irony of segmenting society to fight loneliness is not lost on me.
I don’t think I care to agree with you at all or your way of responding with obtuse “the reaction you are displaying here”, then backing away from it.
Someone who wants institutions where people can get such support is pushing a narrative. Okay. Good for you.
Re: Emotional support across adulthood: A 60-year study of men’s social networks
#183Earlier quoted context omitted.
I think we are agreeing it’s an individual’s problem. I was responding to the “compassion” comment not the joke comment but the same applies for everyone. I just see streams of these weirdly skewed articles. The irony of segmenting society to fight loneliness is not lost on me.
I don’t think I care to agree with you at all or your way of responding with obtuse “the reaction you are displaying here”, then backing away from it. Someone who wants institutions where people can get such support is pushing a narrative. Okay. Good for you.
or maybe you don't write clearly?
Re: Emotional support across adulthood: A 60-year study of men’s social networks
#184Re: Emotional support across adulthood: A 60-year study of men’s social networks
#185Once you're an adult, do you even need one in the first place? I'm 24, I don't go to anyone for help pretty much ever, I just follow my own goals. That's gotten me way farther than most people I know I don't think this talk about "male emotional support networks" is actually intended to help men, it's meant to infantilize them. They'd be better off just buying into the nietzschean "support yourself" type of worldview
I feel similarly, personally. I can't imagine needing emotional support... emotions are tools of my psyche, and needing another's help would mean that something was broken within myself that I needed to fix.
That doesn't mean relationships and support aren't helpful, for many reasons. I just don't see a need for them for emotional support.
But people are different, and we all develop unique inner mechanisms. So I don't think other men should be criticized as infantile for needing or wanting support, just as you wouldn't criticize women for the same; it's just a difference in how the individual processes their emotions.
Re: Emotional support across adulthood: A 60-year study of men’s social networks
#186Earlier quoted context omitted.
> But they do not seek emotional support, they seek advice on how to overcome that frustration. Totally not. They seek validation and venting. Men in general don't like being given advice, rarely seek it and when they do, they are explicit a put seeking it.
>Men in general don't like being given advice, rarely seek it and when they do, they are explicit a put seeking it. What? Certainly not my experience, in either direction.
They do not even give advice to each other all that often.
Re: Emotional support across adulthood: A 60-year study of men’s social networks
#187Earlier quoted context omitted.
Any idea how many women have? The form of this study was specific to men and very long-running, so I don't know where you'd get comparable data. Still, it would be interesting to take a stab at it. Is it 2? 1? 10?
Anecdotally I'd say I can't imagine living with like, one or two people I turn to for emotional support. Would be a nightmare. I know probably 20 or 30 people I could turn to if I needed something, even just to vent. I wouldn't even necessarily say I'm that close with most of them. It's sort of just... table stakes?
I'm interested in what it is like. I have and always had 0 and really don't feel like I need to talk about my problems with anyone. Never discussed them with my parents even though we have a loving relationship with my mom, and I talk to my spouse but it feels forced being asked about my "feelings" even though again we have a very loving and trusting relationship. When I do have stress/etc. talking about it doesn't really do anything for me. I went to a therapist for the first time recently, just because I have a free benefit at work and everybody's doing it, and by the middle of the 2nd session it felt like there's just nothing to talk about so I probably won't be continuing.
Ok, I think at some point I might have been mildly helpful to one friend who had a crisis by just sorta being there, I can see that, but that was literally a once-in-a-lifetime occurrence so far.
What are 20 people for, like how does it work?
Re: Emotional support across adulthood: A 60-year study of men’s social networks
#188Only half? Thats a really wide range too. By 90 it is increasingly likely your spouse and close friends are mostly dead. My emotional support network consists of two people, my long-term partner and my parent(s). My long term partner loves me conditionally (and don’t let anyone fool you into thinking that this is abnormal). Only your parents might love you unconditionally, and they have a pretty decent head start wit…
Being loved conditionally by your partner is OK, as long at the conditions are those that you are willing to fulfill out of free choice.
Being loved conditional has a very thin line to coercive control, though, and this gets easily into abusive territory.
Re: Emotional support across adulthood: A 60-year study of men’s social networks
#189Only half? Thats a really wide range too. By 90 it is increasingly likely your spouse and close friends are mostly dead. My emotional support network consists of two people, my long-term partner and my parent(s). My long term partner loves me conditionally (and don’t let anyone fool you into thinking that this is abnormal). Only your parents might love you unconditionally, and they have a pretty decent head start wit…
Why would you even want unconditional love? Are you planning on abusing and taking advantage of your spouse? People who want this are not ready for marriage.
Unconditional love is not the same as unconditional trust or unconditional relationship.
You can leave someone you still love, if they did not meet what you desire out of the relationship. That would still be unconditional love.
But with unconditional love, leaving someone is to heal yourself, not to punish the other person.
Re: Emotional support across adulthood: A 60-year study of men’s social networks
#190Imagine having someone, anyone, that you felt comfortable sharing your feelings with. Amazing. I've known my best friend for 50 years now, literally since kindergarten. One person. I probably wouldn't talk about my top 5% of private feelings with him, not sure why. I've been married 28 years now. She doesn't understand me at all, and doesn't want to see or hear any "weakness" from me. So what the f@#$ is an emotional…
Isn't it perfectly normal/healthy to keep some of your private feelings totally private? Your best friends/spouses shouldn't necessarily be your psychotherapists.