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My Time Working at Stripe

jondlm.github.io

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Re: My Time Working at Stripe

#181

Post by rdtsc »

DeathArrow wrote: post #31

>he asked the team, “for this meeting I’d like us to try and introduce ourselves a little differently. If you’re comfortable, I’d like us to try and be 10% more vulnerable than we normally would in a work setting.” I remember feeling a mix of anxiety and excitement rise in my chest. I sat pondering what I would share. I decided to go for more than 10%. I shared about how my marriage had almost collapsed a couple year…

Absolutely. This has only downsides for employees and only upsides for employers. Don’t fall for this!

Re: My Time Working at Stripe

#182

Post by tharkun__ »

spencerflem wrote: post #168
tharkun__ wrote: post #143

Earlier quoted context omitted.

See I think there is a huge difference between naturally getting to know your coworkers and this group pressure sharing exercise. It's completely fine to get to know your coworkers. But let the oversharing ones (the extroverts) congegrate together naturally. We had someone like that on the team. Was likeable enough but wouldn't stop talking about everything in their life. That was their choice tho and I am fine to li…

I'm on the introvert side too fwiw, I just feel like inventing a dead cat is a pretty out there response for the situation, which was a gentle push to be a little more open than usual for those that feel comfortable. Definitely can be taken too far in either direction. Without any place for chit chat being set up for it though, at least in my company, the 'natural' amount of sharing is basically zero, which feels lik…

It's not a gentle push though. It's setting up a group pressure situation that is definitely gonna make introverts feel uncomfortable (by a probably extroverted person that may genuinely not understand what they're even doing in that regard as it'd feel natural for them).

Now I understand that with remote work there may not be enough space for chit chat. But there are other ways than a forced group pressure situation to set that up.

For example, we decided as a team when Covid WFH started to basically use our daily 15 min stand-up for whatever. Sometimes we just did stand-up and we're out of there after 5 min coz nobody felt like talking. Sometimes it'd be a half an hour of just talking about whatever. We also have a dedicated time each week blocked off on the calendar for it as well and when we have ad hoc working session calls we get in some chit chat here or there as well. It's not all just business but it can be.

RE cat: see this is the internet and it's an anonymous forum. I used that example because our cat actually just died a few weeks ago. You thought it was over the top. Interesting indeed.

Re: My Time Working at Stripe

#183

Post by globnomulous »

vladvasiliu wrote: post #79
varispeed wrote: post #72

Earlier quoted context omitted.

> finishing work at the end of the day and being done You can try to find your own thing that you'll focus on after work. After 5 I would switch off any company equipment, phone etc. Make sure that there is never an expectation that you could be available outside of your work hours. Feel free to forget anything you worked on after 5, you'll catch up next morning. Some workplaces will be against that and make fuss. Fi…

Indeed. And I think this is both a case of managing expectations (if you're always available, people will learn to expect it) and also of realizing what is and isn't expected of you. Where I work, a normal workday is 9 AM to 6 PM with an hour lunch. There's some flexibility as to the actual hours, I usually do 8-5, others do 10-7. Yet, some people always put in very long hours for some reason, complete with gulping d…

> some people always put in very long hours for some reason, complete with gulping down a sandwich in front of their computer for lunch. I'm not sure what gives them the impression they have to do it, since it's clearly not expected from our common higher-ups.

This is just how I like to work and approach problem solving. I can take breaks when I make the effort, but, when work starts, I rarely think about anything except climbing whatever mountain I find myself on, helping others at my company, or exceeding my own (or others') expectations. That intensity helps me think deeply and solve problems effectively.

There are people in my company who do good work but draw boundaries clearly and sharply. I respect that. I just love what I do and find it interesting and absorbing partly because I love the intensity of striving and struggling, constantly refining, improving, growing, and exploring.

My company generously rewards good work, too. That also helps; my effort never feels wasted, unacknowledged, or unrewarded.

Re: My Time Working at Stripe

#184

Post by morning-coffee »

fnordpiglet wrote: post #30

These symptoms are a classic sign of burn out. One thing I notice in your writing is you’re very tied up in things having meaning and mattering in some specific way. This itself can lead to burnout because if everything must matter you must be emotionally invested in everything. But you can care without it mattering to you. You can do a good job without being totally invested in everything about it. You can love what…

Very well said and spot on. Thanks for posting.

Re: My Time Working at Stripe

#185

Post by scruple »

DeathArrow wrote: post #31

>he asked the team, “for this meeting I’d like us to try and introduce ourselves a little differently. If you’re comfortable, I’d like us to try and be 10% more vulnerable than we normally would in a work setting.” I remember feeling a mix of anxiety and excitement rise in my chest. I sat pondering what I would share. I decided to go for more than 10%. I shared about how my marriage had almost collapsed a couple year…

Yeah, I would just instinctively make something up. Maybe everyone else does that, too, how would any of us know?

I really don't like this trend of employers trying to act like we're all friends or one big happy family. It only serves to blur the very real boundaries of power in favor of the employer. Engaging with it in earnest feels like self-exploitation to me.

Re: My Time Working at Stripe

#187

Post by dymk »

captnObvious wrote: post #156
dymk wrote: post #128

Earlier quoted context omitted.

If you were my boss and did this I'd be going to my skip manager to complain.

It sounded like an optional request not a command. I’ve managed and I’ve been managed and the relationship ships I’ve built along the way are deep enough to have conversations like these. We’re doing life with this people it’s not a dystopian novel about capitalism. If you have a genuine person as your boss moments like these help form friendships, and don’t feel like a dark Dilbert comic. Friendships increase team c…

A manager asking you to do something is never “just” an optional request

Re: My Time Working at Stripe

#188

Post by whstl »

DeathArrow wrote: post #34

>motivated more by my work being MEANINGFUL I quit trying to find meaning in my work long time ago. And work never depresses me. I work to have food on the table for me and my family. That is enough of a motivation. If I want to do something meaningful, I either work on a personal project or contribute to one, outside work.

That's how it should be.

It is too dangerous to attach meaning to a place that can fire you, or push you into burnout.

Re: My Time Working at Stripe

#189

Post by superultra »

DeathArrow wrote: post #31

>he asked the team, “for this meeting I’d like us to try and introduce ourselves a little differently. If you’re comfortable, I’d like us to try and be 10% more vulnerable than we normally would in a work setting.” I remember feeling a mix of anxiety and excitement rise in my chest. I sat pondering what I would share. I decided to go for more than 10%. I shared about how my marriage had almost collapsed a couple year…

I am the kind of guy who wears his heart on his sleeve. I grew up in a familialy dishonest context so being open and transparent has been my default.

That attitude is a liability at work and I’ve learned the hard way.

We’ve all heard the phrase don’t shit where you eat. In modern workplace cadence that means don’t use your workplace as your source of therapy or friends or certainly family.

The way we present yourselves at work has to intrinsically be a performance because that’s how money works.

Find another place to express emotions and thoughts and find friends. That place should not be the workplace.

Re: My Time Working at Stripe

#190

Post by baumy »

Nimitz14 wrote: post #179
baumy wrote: post #167

Earlier quoted context omitted.

I promise you I mean this sincerely, and not in a memey internet insult kind of way - are you perhaps autistic? I ask because this is exactly the type of comment one of my siblings would make, and she is on the spectrum. She wouldn't be able to understand the social dynamics at play here, whereas for other folks it's just common sense. "Optional" is not really optional in some social settings, and that's something au…

Kind of hilarious to make this suggestion while simultaneously revealing yourself to not understand nuance or commonsense.

Please, elaborate. What nuance and commonsense do you feel I'm not understanding?
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