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Do not try to be the smartest in the room; try to be the kindest

jorgegalindo.me

181–190 of 260 posts

Re: Do not try to be the smartest in the room; try to be the kindest

#181
post #4

That is the ideal but the results depend on the work place or the OSS project. I have started out like that twice and was walked over by other people. Kindness with true reciprocity is very hard to find (I do not mean CoC compliant fake kindness that just keeps the actual power structures in place while everyone is backstabbing.)

This visits a hard coordination problem.

I'd suggest the solution is coming and it will decentralize culture decisions the same way capitalism decentralized spending decisions.

Re: Do not try to be the smartest in the room; try to be the kindest

#182

Earlier quoted context omitted.

The comment above and a recollection of the sub-title of Pratchett & Gaiman's Good Omens prompted me to look up the etymology of "nice" and it seems that it has had a surprising number of unrelated meanings: https://www.merriam-webster.com/wordplay/nice-multiple-meani... . Maybe that's not the right word to object to regarding changes in its meaning.

I get that it has multiple meanings. And others should get that if someone is a nice guy he's probably not like the archetype in that book.

[deleted]

Re: Do not try to be the smartest in the room; try to be the kindest

#183

Nice article. Definitely need more kindness in this achievement society. One small crib, though: > In Spanish, we have a saying, "Maestro Liendre: De tó sabe, pero de ná entiende." I don't really know (and don't want) to translate it because it loses its punch, but it fits perfectly here. Wait, why mention it if I, the reader, cannot understand the saying or how it is even relevant to the article, but leave me with t…

“Knows about everything yet understands nothing.”

Re: Do not try to be the smartest in the room; try to be the kindest

#184

Ever since that back and forth about "East Coast being kind vs West Coast being nice" thing a while back[1], I think it's important to distinguish the two. Because they are noticeably different (at least to me) and shouldn't be used interchangeably. I want someone to be kind to me in a meeting. I think niceness could seriously inhibit progress. A kind person will tell me that an idea I have won't work, but they'll of…

> Ever since that back and forth about "East Coast being kind vs West Coast being nice" thing a while back Missed the thing but what a front-loaded mess. What we want to say is Nice sucks, be kind. The rest feels unhelpful. Kinder to state the principle and let folks chew on it.

A person can be both...though that might just be skilled kindness.

Re: Do not try to be the smartest in the room; try to be the kindest

#185
post #73

Earlier quoted context omitted.

>Here in YC you can probably go full on with your tech/science knowledge/ideas/theories/whatever and people will judge you purely on your points made, and the people listening are in the same boat. I would disagree with this, even here it is important to be kind. Too often I find the comments on a given thread are full of self importance or worse disdain for the "shortcomings" of the topic in question. Whether or not…

I can't disagree with your philosophy and think you have a well considered approach to it. When it comes to social etiquette, empathy, agreeableness, there are definitely a lot of people 'on the scale' around here and that's absolutely fine. There are smart well-balanced people and there's uber-smart people who know more than most about a thing but perhaps lack that social etiquette- and that's fine to me. If they ca…

The point isn't that we should be anyone other than ourselves. We can only be ourselves and we are out best version when comfortable with that. It's simply that learning to express ourselves with kindness and understand the importance of it will make us even more effective.

At least being formerly graceless and continuing to develop grace, that has been my experience.

Re: Do not try to be the smartest in the room; try to be the kindest

#186

Being too kind can also be negative, I prefer honesty and reality above the rest.

This seems to misunderstand kind

Kindness reduces barriers to accepting the honest truth and is thus part of maximizing honesty and realism.

Re: Do not try to be the smartest in the room; try to be the kindest

#187
post #170

Earlier quoted context omitted.

Well, unfortunately nobody did invent a new word. Considering a cursory search of the definitions of both words: Kind: of a sympathetic or helpful nature Nice: pleasing, agreeable I would argue that they are actually different.

I think you're misunderstanding the point they were making. The given example for nice > nice would be to let the person working for you continue to perform poorly without feedback, being "nice" to them, but privately considering them incompetent. Is actually being hypocritical, not nice. The nice person would still tell the under performing person what's what, they'd just not be rude about it. You can also create a…

Most people are nice (convention, norm, culture, etc.) to conform to a set of rules, being kind is the exception to the rule.

Re: Do not try to be the smartest in the room; try to be the kindest

#188

Nice article. Definitely need more kindness in this achievement society. One small crib, though: > In Spanish, we have a saying, "Maestro Liendre: De tó sabe, pero de ná entiende." I don't really know (and don't want) to translate it because it loses its punch, but it fits perfectly here. Wait, why mention it if I, the reader, cannot understand the saying or how it is even relevant to the article, but leave me with t…

It hits better with the rhyme

Makes sense, thanks

Re: Do not try to be the smartest in the room; try to be the kindest

#189
post #157

Earlier quoted context omitted.

It's still not most companies . But it's maybe the top N public companies — the ones that are all "headless" in corporate-vision terms, and so hire the same few management consultancies to tell them what to do. Ignoring those few largest companies and focusing on the other 99% of businesses that don't hire management consultancies, this is definitely a "thing" with businesses on the west coast.

Just want to correct something here. Management consultancies are *rarely* hired for expertise. They're functionally a form of career insurance for senior leadership's proposals and an internal political tool to allow unpalatable or political challenging things to be executed.

Yes, management consultancies are not hired because anyone expects them to know what they're doing.

But they are hired for a certain specific kind of "expertise" they uniquely possess — that being the internal knowledge about management decisions being made in other companies (perhaps with their guidance; or perhaps just with them there at the time to witness those decisions.)

In other words, management consultancies can tell you how to "copy the success" of companies you personally think are worth copying, provided the management consultancy you hire has records of their consultants working at that company. (You won't actually be "copying their success", because you'll be applying your mental schema of what would make for success to deciding which of their internal practices and decisions should be copied. So it's more a "cargo-culting of success." But executives still want that!)

A CEO won't trust the thinking of a fresh 20-year-old sent over by Bain. But they will trust the thinking of a CEO they admire. And they're willing to pay big bucks just for Bain to send them the 20-year-old rather than Bain's best, not only because the 20-year-old is a political tool; but also because the 20-year-old is a channel through which the CEO can tap into Bain's institutional memory of private leadership meetings held by their most-admired CEOs!

(And this creates an active transmission vector for the spread of business-management-theory memes. "Return To Office"? It may have started because a few bigcorps like Apple had big albatross investments of commercial real-estate in the form of massive HQ buildings. But it spread throughout the Fortune 500 via their shared reliance on the management-consultancy grapevine.)

Management consultancies know that this is half the reason companies hire them — or at least the consultants who've been around the block know this. And this is why there's any place at all for senior management consultants, rather than it being strictly a "get in, make your money, retire early" sort of job. It's not that the senior consultants know more about business. It's that their field experience has enabled them to internalize and distill the current corporate zeitgeist — and so they can just tell you off the top of their heads what you should be doing to be the management-theory equivalent of "fashionable." (And this doesn't look outwardly any different than the "best practices" advice the 20-year-old will give you based on what they learned in their MBA program. So there's plausible deniability in this, in a way there isn't in asking the 20-year-old to dredge up records from your competitors.)

Re: Do not try to be the smartest in the room; try to be the kindest

#190

Earlier quoted context omitted.

I have to say: It's really annoying that some idiot who wrote a book in the 90's has resulted in everyone redefining "nice", when they should have invented a new word. As far as the English language goes, what you define as "kind" is also "nice".

Well, unfortunately nobody did invent a new word. Considering a cursory search of the definitions of both words: Kind: of a sympathetic or helpful nature Nice: pleasing, agreeable I would argue that they are actually different.

Merriam Webster literally lists "kind" as one of the definitions of nice.

The point is that nice is a pretty broad term. It can mean agreeable but that's merely one use of the word. You can be nice and not agreeable.

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