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Hunting Down My Son's Killer

matt.might.net

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Re: Hunting Down My Son's Killer

#181

Post by run4yourlives »

silverlake wrote: post #177
run4yourlives wrote: post #129

Earlier quoted context omitted.

This thing that can only cry learns to: talk, walk, read, express themselves, formulate opinions, ride a bike, conquer fears, grow etc. They do this all the while looking at you as a hero with nothing but complete and selfless love for you. All your minor faults are irrelevant to them. You are their everything. Yes, it's genetic conditioning, but I have been on this planet 37 years and have never experienced emotion…

> They do this all the while looking at you as a hero Not all people make great parents. I've hated my parents for as long as I can remember. They didn't appear to enjoy being parents either. The daily beatings were really annoying. I'm glad you're happy, but the world isn't a Disney movie.

The world is what you make it. I'm sorry for your experiences and I agree that some people in general are just assholes, and some of those assholes are parents.

I can guarantee that you as a child you did view them in awe and they were your heroes until you learned that they weren't very nice people. It's difficult to love someone and not have that love returned, but I'm making the assumption that the person receiving this love from their child is open to it.

I'm sorry if I offended you, and hope that maybe one day you can break the cycle of hate with a family of your own if you so choose. The world (well, North America at least) needs more good people having kids.

Re: Hunting Down My Son's Killer

#182

Post by josscrowcroft »

Fantastic read and story. Thanks for writing it and best wishes to you all.

One of my best friends recently had a son with a rare bowel disorder, requiring a full bowel transplant, and he's been saying that every day they are educating the doctors on what to do, up at all hours calling all different countries. They've been by his side in hospital since his birth, but it's incredible to see the pics of that baby laughing like a champion!

Re: Hunting Down My Son's Killer

#183

Post by btilly »

CWuestefeld wrote: post #165
its_so_on wrote: post #149

Earlier quoted context omitted.

I don't like your tone. I have no horse in the race and am not a doctor, but doctors aren't Gods. They learn certain foundational things (names of bones and muscles; organic chemistry) then they learn thing related to the practice that doesn't necessarily rely on any of that stuff. (Diseases; drugs) For diseases, you should try reading through the Merck manual (available online). Everything from gynecology, oncology,…

I think I know what you're trying to say: that it's not hard for us to learn some facts, but they're less useful without a broader knowledge of human physiology that an MD would be presumed to have, and we don't. And there's certainly truth to that. On the other hand, there really are things the lay person can learn and understand well, even in the complex human body. I have an unusual, if not rare, condition (Crohn'…

Just curious. Have you tried Helmetic therapy?

I have a friend with Crohn's disease. After 10 years on medication he injected himself with hookworm. He has now been medicine free for over a year with fewer symptoms than he had before.

Re: Hunting Down My Son's Killer

#184

Post by shpoonj »

Havoc wrote: post #174
shpoonj wrote: post #141

So there was a paternity test, right? I'm assuming there was and it just wasn't mentioned in the write up. The author states with authority that he is the father, but doesn't mention the tests confirming it whereas every other finding is linked to the tests involved. Please don't tell me, in an article praising science, that this was left to faith or trust or whatever.

I thought about this too - but concluded that even without a test, its reasonable. A caring parent wouldn't keep such a thing secret when its causing (continued) suffering for their child. I'm sure there are psychopaths out there where this is not true, but given that they are married, a judgement call is acceptable in my view - even if not ideal.

I would argue that the same callous personality evidenced in a person capable of infidelity would also come into play when considering whether or not to reveal said infidelity.

Wouldn't you agree?

Re: Hunting Down My Son's Killer

#185

Post by gcheong »

mibbitier wrote: post #171
gcheong wrote: post #167

Earlier quoted context omitted.

"That is what parenthood does to you." No, that is what parenthood has done to you. And I'm glad for you but you don't have to look far to find people for whom the effect was less than positive and if I relate more to those people than to you then I would do well to heed their warnings than your espousing of supposed absolute truth. Seriously why is it that parents want to convince others who don't buy into the whole…

Virgins probably also don't see what the big deal about having sex is. They've probably heard horror stories about it. Being a father/mother is simply the best thing you can do with your life (Unless you hate kids, or are too "grown up").

Plenty of people decide to choose lives of celibacy both as virgins and non-virgins and have no regrets.

Like I said, there are plenty of parents who would say it is not. Why should I take what you say as truth over them?

Re: Hunting Down My Son's Killer

#186

Post by run4yourlives »

gcheong wrote: post #167
run4yourlives wrote: post #129

Earlier quoted context omitted.

This thing that can only cry learns to: talk, walk, read, express themselves, formulate opinions, ride a bike, conquer fears, grow etc. They do this all the while looking at you as a hero with nothing but complete and selfless love for you. All your minor faults are irrelevant to them. You are their everything. Yes, it's genetic conditioning, but I have been on this planet 37 years and have never experienced emotion…

"That is what parenthood does to you." No, that is what parenthood has done to you. And I'm glad for you but you don't have to look far to find people for whom the effect was less than positive and if I relate more to those people than to you then I would do well to heed their warnings than your espousing of supposed absolute truth. Seriously why is it that parents want to convince others who don't buy into the whole…

>than your espousing of supposed absolute truth.

Sorry but it sounds as if you have some personal issues. I'm telling you that being a father is awesome because it is. If I told you that skydiving is awesome, would you comment how I was talking about how skydiving is awesome as if it was some sort of absolute truth? Of course it's my experience. All my opinions are my experiences.

If you are already a parent and hate being a parent, wishing for a life without kids (I too, know people like this), then I concede your feelings are valid, and feel sorry that you haven't been able to take the same things I have from this experience.

If you are not a parent, you are essentially arguing from a position of ignorance. Because of that, your opinion, while valid, comes with a huge caveat. It would be the same as me as a man trying to provide an opinion about how wonderful pregnancy is.

I have had a lot of wonderful experiences in this life. Falling in love, jumping out of a plane, personal achievements of all sorts. None of these experiences compare to fatherhood in any way that I could even being to relate them. Sorry, but that's not something I'm going to keep to myself.

I'm not telling you to have kids. I'm not a pusher, and to be quite frank I personally don't give a fuck about how you choose to live your life. I'm telling you that having a child has been the most positive, ultimate human experience I've had. Why should I deny this because you've got your ovaries in a knot?

Re: Hunting Down My Son's Killer

#187

Post by Scaevolus »

Mz wrote: post #119

This is incredibly long and seems like it will probably never tell me the info that interests me. As I understand it, in most genetic disorders, all of the problems are rooted in a miscoded protein. I am wondering if it has been determined which protein is miscoded and what it does? Edit: I have managed to read the whole thing and, no, it doesn't answer my question. The closest I get is that some enzyme is not being…

"Cristina and I each carried a different mutant NGLY1 gene."

NGLY1 is also the name of the enzyme.

Re: Hunting Down My Son's Killer

#188

Post by edwinnathaniel »

Havoc wrote: post #172
edwinnathaniel wrote: post #17

Earlier quoted context omitted.

This important lesson can only be detected by parents. People with no children won't ever understand this no matter how hard they try/re-read the articles many times. Once the infant is out of the womb, everything change instantly without any interference by anyone, anybody, or anything else. The child will change your brain, your mind, your heart, your lifestyle, and your future at that moment of birth. The child IS…

>People with no children won't ever understand this no matter how hard they try/re-read the articles many times. Halfway through the article I started re-evaluating whether I still want kids. Not sure I could carry that burden. [ ] Though that is probably more on a logical level than feeling the raw emotion that a parent would - which is probably what you were getting at. More accurately I know I could out of necessi…

What I found was that once you have kids, it doesn't matter what you feel any more: you will somehow have extra strength to carry the burden no matter what.

Life will change, and everything will never be the same any more. Just like moving from childhood to teenager to adulthood. Whatever you think you can't do before, you will do it eventually.

Whatever you think was great, isn't any more. If you think building a successful billion dollars company was cool, is not any more but instead running a mISV building specific desktop Windows application or Nokia S40 mobile app.

Suddenly, your priorities change without even a slight of internal struggle (no more "NO, I insist I want to become X"). It just... happened.

Matt is a CS prof that blog and still have time to explore various technology despite the challenges he is currently facing.

Life... is what you make it.

Re: Hunting Down My Son's Killer

#189

Post by gcheong »

maratd wrote: post #31
altrego99 wrote: post #20

Earlier quoted context omitted.

Sorry, not worth it at all. Years 1-10 - you will loose all your time - cleaning diapers, making the child eat, making it study, teaching it values - waking up at night - and doing a lot of things for it. Yes you'll see it learn, smile, grow up and you're genetically conditioned to like it. But you will not be able to play your games, go to your parties - read book or contemplate on life, or code without expecting in…

You either don't have kids or you're a psychopath. I'm leaning toward the former. Don't presume in your arrogance that you know quite a bit about something you have zero experience with. All your accomplishments are pointless without your child next to you. > Yes you'll see it learn, smile, grow up It? Nice. > But you will not be able to play your games, go to your parties - read book or contemplate on life, or code…

"No, you're not some amazing savant that has popped up out of the mass of mediocrity that is humanity."

Every person that has ever entered into the "mass of mediocrity that is humanity" was born at some point and, as the mass of mediocrity is by definition what most people will end up being (by your own words) a part of then why add to it when one does not desire to do so?

Re: Hunting Down My Son's Killer

#190

Post by jrockway »

engtech wrote: post #71
tomjen3 wrote: post #58

Earlier quoted context omitted.

Whow, are you arrogant. Can you even contemplate somebody who doesn't want to have children?

"Whow, are you arrogant. Can you even contemplate somebody who doesn't want to have children?" Can you contemplate that if you are having heterosexual/breeder sex, you may have children even if you never planned to?

Pretty sure that unplanned pregnancies need not result in a child being born.
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