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Couples with joint checking accounts are happier

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Re: Couples with joint checking accounts are happier

#181

Post by em-bee »

jncfhnb wrote: post #179
em-bee wrote: post #167

Earlier quoted context omitted.

You shouldn’t marry someone you’re not comfortable talking to About difficult things. you keep saying that, but generally you can't know how your partner reacts until the issue actually comes up and especially with finances it rarely comes up before you start living together which often doesn't happen until you get married. it is impossible to vet your partner on every aspect. when you get married you start to build…

I’m not saying they should have predicted anything. I’m saying they should communicate. You don’t have to solve the problem. You do have to talk about your feelings.

they would have had to predict that communicating their financial concerns is not welcome. i am very open to talk about my feelings, but if a topic makes my wife angry, then i'll stop. the problem is not the ability of the sender but the reaction of the receiver. you can't control how your message is received, and therefore you can't blame the sender for failing to communicate in this case, much less suggest that they should not have married this person, because in order to avoid that they would have had to have known in advance that this issue would become a problem.

Re: Couples with joint checking accounts are happier

#182

Post by dugmartin »

dugmartin wrote: post #5

I don't understand couples that keep separate finances. When you get married its "we" and not "me". It seems like keeping one foot out the door. Note: I've been married for 23 years with everything tracked in joint accounts the entire time but we do have a small "fun money" monthly budget item for each of us that is a black box.

Replying to my own comment instead of editing it...

There seems to be a common statement of it would be a nightmare if two people are spending out of the same account. This is were a budget comes in. My wife and I have been monthly budgeting for most of our marriage and I think it is an essential tool for a few reasons:

1. Unless you plan what you are going to spend (even with one person) how do you know you'll have enough in your accounts to handle both mandatory and discretionary spending?

2. Spending it all on paper, together, before the month starts lets you have money discussions without the stress of already having or wanting to spend the money immediately.

3. It gives you an overall picture of your spending vs savings vs charity.

4. It helps you remember to pay those occasional bills, like property taxes (for those like us without mortgages where you pay them yourself instead of paying into escrow).

Not having a budget is just as strange to me as having separate finances.

Re: Couples with joint checking accounts are happier

#183

Post by bluefirebrand »

sooheon wrote: post #96
scarface_74 wrote: post #83

Earlier quoted context omitted.

It does just for logistics. If we have $1000 in our joint account and we both spend $600 without talking to the other, it’s going to overdraft. On the other hand, if we both have our “own” account even if they are really joint accounts, that’s not a problem. My wife doesn’t work now. I put money into “her” account every pay period based on what we agreed on - and to make her whole once I “retired” her. She has access…

> I put money into “her” account every pay period based on what we agreed on She can continue to spend the amount you guys have agreed on from a joint account.

But in a shared account she could spend more than the agreed on amount.

Re: Couples with joint checking accounts are happier

#184

Post by Clamchop »

throw0101a wrote: post #143
jlokier wrote: post #131

Earlier quoted context omitted.

Better relationships on average . What works best for you might not align with the average for your cohort. Adapting average-based advice to your individual characteristics often results in a better match to what's best for you than following the average ignoring your individual characteristics.

> Better relationships on average. And exercising more and smoking less increases health, longevity, and well-being on average —unless you get hit by a truck. There are no guarantees in life except that it will end, so you might as well try to stack the averages and odds in your favour whenever you can.

Smoking is never good for you, and exercising virtually always is. By contrast, "stacking the deck" on the specific issue of finances may or may not be helpful for a particular relationship and should be assessed case by case.

So, I don't think they're the best analogies.

Re: Couples with joint checking accounts are happier

#185

Post by InitialLastName »

dugmartin wrote: post #5

I don't understand couples that keep separate finances. When you get married its "we" and not "me". It seems like keeping one foot out the door. Note: I've been married for 23 years with everything tracked in joint accounts the entire time but we do have a small "fun money" monthly budget item for each of us that is a black box.

> we do have a small "fun money" monthly budget item for each of us that is a black box.

This is what we have done, but it's been a gradual process (starting before we got married) of moving our shared expenses to a joint account, and that "fun money" is just kept in our own separate checking accounts. That way we can keep a tight eye on our joint spending and savings goals, but don't have to worry about each other's spending preferences (within agreed limits).

Re: Couples with joint checking accounts are happier

#186

Post by bradlys »

balderdash wrote: post #158
DiggyJohnson wrote: post #113

Earlier quoted context omitted.

$80k/yr wouldn’t now be enough for each spouse to contribute $5k a month, unless I’m misreading and GP meant a cumulative value of both partners combined.

Sorry, you’re saying that a salary of $150k ($12.5k/mo) works out out to only $5k/mo in take home pay? How does that math work?

You don’t put your entire take home pay into the joint account - is the point. You put in whatever is agreed upon and then keep the rest of your earned money to yourself.

Re: Couples with joint checking accounts are happier

#187

Post by jncfhnb »

em-bee wrote: post #181
jncfhnb wrote: post #179

Earlier quoted context omitted.

I’m not saying they should have predicted anything. I’m saying they should communicate. You don’t have to solve the problem. You do have to talk about your feelings.

they would have had to predict that communicating their financial concerns is not welcome. i am very open to talk about my feelings, but if a topic makes my wife angry, then i'll stop. the problem is not the ability of the sender but the reaction of the receiver. you can't control how your message is received, and therefore you can't blame the sender for failing to communicate in this case, much less suggest that the…

No, that’s bullshit. The wife can set her own boundaries on what she is willing to accept for finance but she can’t rule out talking about feelings about the issue.

Not talking about it is not a solution. That’s baked into the premise. You have to talk to your partner about things that are important to you, hard stop.

Re: Couples with joint checking accounts are happier

#188

Post by bad_username »

pbj1968 wrote: post #34

Wouldn’t consider any other arrangement, personally. If you can’t trust each other around the money then there’s not much foundation there, IMO. We both know what the individual budget for non essential purchases is, why do we need top secret accounts? Anyway, whatever works for each couple and keeps them happiest is the best.

Your assumption is that the other person will never change. And the person you trust today will be the same person in 20, 30 years. It is not guaranteed to be true.

Re: Couples with joint checking accounts are happier

#189

Post by marssaxman »

civilized wrote: post #79
tw04 wrote: post #76

Earlier quoted context omitted.

In theory, sure. In practice literally every person I know with singular checking accounts has to check in when making any purchase more expensive than a tank of gas and expect the same from their significant other.

Why is this necessary?

So you don't accidentally run out of money before the next paycheck arrives.

Re: Couples with joint checking accounts are happier

#190

Post by dvd23 »

bakemawaytoys wrote: post #58
Scubabear68 wrote: post #20

I think this strongly depends on the couple. My wife and I have had separate checking accounts for 20 years, and a shared savings account, and a second shared checking account we use strictly for transferring money back and forth (we can’t use savings for that due to stupid banking rules). We also have split the hills according to our relative incomes. I make a lot more so I have the mortgage and a few big ticket ite…

Very similar situation with my partner and I, except we use budgeting software - I manage my own personal budget and our "joint" budget separately. My partner isn't interested in using the software for her own expenses, which is fine. We can both see how much money is allocated to everything, if there's anything one of us wants to spend money on that would be a shared thing - we budget for it.

Same for us. We both have our own checking and savings accounts, plus a joint checking and a joint savings one. We each put a certain amount every month to the joint account, based on our revenue (I earn more so I contribute more). Everything is then paid from the joint account. For big expenses, we both decide how to spread the money in different categories.

We both have money left on our own accounts to use however we want.

I would say this works quite well for us, and allow us to plan and budget for our expenses (I mainly do it, she doesn't really care about the software, but she can access it and see how much we have for each category).

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