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How we turned the tables to catch my sister’s Bumble stalker

major-grooves.medium.com

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Re: How we turned the tables to catch my sister’s Bumble stalker

#181

Post by ithinkso »

plusminusplus wrote: post #135
annie_muss wrote: post #123

Earlier quoted context omitted.

Unfortunately, I can offer some insight. In the past I have been obsessive. Had I not got help I could have ended up like the stalker in the story. It starts out innocent enough. Dating involves lots of subtle signals and cues. I remember calling someone many many times in one day, thinking "There's a possibility I'm being strange, but there's also a chance that she's just not home. If I don't call and call again I c…

Wow, thank you for your honesty (especially on a site where you can't delete comments).

> (especially on a site where you can't delete comments)

Though I think the username annie_muss is a play on anonymous

Re: How we turned the tables to catch my sister’s Bumble stalker

#182

Post by gggggg5 »

zxexz wrote: post #8
ketzo wrote: post #3

Maybe obvious, but uh: don’t fucking do this! I get it, I'm an older brother, I would wanna go ballistic too. But the fact that these guys skipped over "notify the police" and went straight to "seek out in-person confrontation" is insane! Stalkers are not people in their right mind. Staking out and planning to “citizen’s arrest”(???) someone who has repeatedly visited late at night to threaten and harass is NOT SAFE…

Citizens Arrests are very dangerous and pretty much never worth the risk. Even ignoring the many physical dangers of such an act, if the person “arrested” doesn’t get convicted (also pretty sure it has to be a felony conviction, at least here in MA, though IANAL), it opens you up to a false arrest, or possibly a false imprisonment, charge.

>Even ignoring the many physical dangers of such an act, if the person “arrested” doesn’t get convicted (also pretty sure it has to be a felony conviction, at least here in MA, though IANAL), it opens you up to a false arrest, or possibly a false imprisonment, charge.

In England and Wales you merely need a reasonable belief, the person not being convicted does not automatically open you up to trouble any more than it would open up a police officer to trouble.

https://www.legislation.gov.uk/ukpga/1984/60/section/24A

Re: How we turned the tables to catch my sister’s Bumble stalker

#183

Post by denton-scratch »

mjh2539 wrote: post #106
thih9 wrote: post #67

> In his first court appearance he pled not guilty, which apparently is normal for the first appearance regardless of actual guilt (something to do with legal aid fees??) How is that a thing? Does anyone know more?

When you're initially charged with a crime, you have to plead guilty or not guilty. Typically, the prosecuting attorney will offer you some sort of deal if you plead guilty right off the bat. Otherwise, you plead not guilty and the legal machinery begins to turn (subpeonas, fact finding, depositions, etc.), with the end result being a trial. This takes a while, and the prosecuting attorney will sometimes attempt to s…

There are in theory no plea deals in the UK. The police are not allowed to make promises in return for a guilty plea.

The accused may have a reasonable expectation that they'll receive a reduced sentence from the judge in exchange for cooperating with the police; but there are no deals. The prosecutors cannot bind the judge.

Re: How we turned the tables to catch my sister’s Bumble stalker

#184

Post by Major_Grooves »

exclusiv wrote: post #143
speg wrote: post #114

Earlier quoted context omitted.

Why do you have to neutralize them into ‘people close to her’? They are her brothers. Call it like it is. Every brother-sister relationship I’ve known is distinctly different than brother-brother or sister-sister relationships.

Agreed. Three sisters would not have gone this route and the police would likely have done nothing until after the stalking had escalated further. Also, 1 brother might not have attempted this either, especially considering the guy was a large creep and smart enough to wear a mask. Nor would a woman allow her sisters to go vigilante for her. These guys were quite restrained. I know families with 3 or more brothers an…

Thank you for your sensible reply.

Re: How we turned the tables to catch my sister’s Bumble stalker

#185

Post by Major_Grooves »

once_inc wrote: post #180
Major_Grooves wrote: post #165

Earlier quoted context omitted.

Not necessarily. If it is for fraud prevention, then you would be within your rights (at least under GDPR), to retain certain data for a reasonable amount of time.

In my opinion, fraud prevention is, of all reasons to retain data, the least important. This example of dating app behaviour is easily detected with simple heuristics, and leads to far more important information than fraud could ever be.

in this case I really meant that the act of deleting and reinstalling the app is the fraudulent act, although it is not what most people would consider fraud (i.e. financial fraud) it would normally fall under "trust and safety" I guess.

Re: How we turned the tables to catch my sister’s Bumble stalker

#187

Post by MagicMoonlight »

SergeAx wrote: post #164

> When someone installs your app, you need to detect whether they have already installed it previously. If they have, then their activity (including blocks and people who have already declined them) should be linked to this new account Quite the contrary, every user has a right to be totally forgotten and their data deleted permanently. [Un?]fortunately.

So I can just tell the police to delete crimes right?

Re: How we turned the tables to catch my sister’s Bumble stalker

#188

Post by denton-scratch »

pjc50 wrote: post #175
joering2 wrote: post #149

Earlier quoted context omitted.

Considering modern laws governing construction sites do not allow workers to carry anything over 20lb and that also in strict limited time, I would rather say an average gym member exercising 3 times a week would be a tougher mate. Not to mention criminals and crazy people do carry guns. The whole thing might as well ended with "three 6 feet-tall construction workers with black belts in jujitsu ended up dead shot by…

> stalker with semi-automatic gun In Scotland? (Knives, OK that's more likely; we're no longer the stabbing capital of the world but it's still a problem. But not guns. Even airguns are now restricted.)

> Even airguns are now restricted.

If you're under 18, you have to be supervised by someone over 21. You can't carry an airgun in public without "a reasonable excuse". There are several kinds of thing you're not allowed to shoot at (which you're not allowed to kill anyway). Convicts aren't allowed to own guns (roughly).

Most of the restrictions are simply the extension to airguns of things that are already forbidden.

[Edit] Looks like the rules are slightly different in Scotland, but not more stringent, as far as I can see.

https://assets.publishing.service.gov.uk/government/uploads/...

Re: How we turned the tables to catch my sister’s Bumble stalker

#189

Post by genocidicbunny »

ketzo wrote: post #9
ceejayoz wrote: post #7

Earlier quoted context omitted.

The problem is the cops tend not to give a shit.

I understand that. But you cannot assume they won't help. These guys didn't even try contacting the police before hatching a late-night scheme. For what it's worth, in my (regrettably several) experiences with stalkers/harassers, this situation would have been taken extremely seriously. "Masked guy repeatedly visits at night to write threatening messages on car of single woman living alone" is... about as explicit as…

I know this story is in the UK, but at least in the US you absolutely should assume they will not help, and depending on the circumstances will make the situation even worse. They have no duty to do anything to help, and no consequences if they don't.

> "Masked guy repeatedly visits at night to write threatening messages on car of single woman living alone" is... about as explicit as you can get.

Or alternatively its an invitation for a police officer or a department to suddenly need to do a lot of work that they could just...not do. No skin off their back if someone is being harassed or stalked, and if something worse happens, they can investigate then. Why spend the resources now after all?

Re: How we turned the tables to catch my sister’s Bumble stalker

#190

Post by BuckyBeaver »

ketzo wrote: post #3

Maybe obvious, but uh: don’t fucking do this! I get it, I'm an older brother, I would wanna go ballistic too. But the fact that these guys skipped over "notify the police" and went straight to "seek out in-person confrontation" is insane! Stalkers are not people in their right mind. Staking out and planning to “citizen’s arrest”(???) someone who has repeatedly visited late at night to threaten and harass is NOT SAFE…

That's pretty much what they did. It's not as if they got out and attacked the guy.
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