Tell HN: Sometimes you don't realise how bad something is until you leave

I suspect they are partially motivated (as other commenters suggested) by not changing too much of what they themselves built personally.

Partially out of a fear of change, but also partially out of a “if we find ourselves without employees and need to run the whole show on our own again, we can’t have a bunch of code we don’t understand” fear.

Which I understand. But fact is, we have customers and internal users who are overworked and have needs. Needs that we aren’t meeting because we never deliver the “right” solution in full, in part because so many parts of the system just seem unofficially “off limits”.

I’ve offered many times to start a regular engineering training and sharing session where I can help make others aware of how I’ve been building things and how they can help maintain them, to try to make everyone more comfortable with the front end, but that also has met the same friction as my projects.

In my case, my age was the "elephant in the room," at my interviews.

I feel as if the original in-house recruiters (different beast from the "outhouse" recruiters, though), and even a couple of managers, had no issue with my age. As soon as even one tech person became involved, however, the temperature dropped twenty degrees. They were usually quite brusque, and I knew that I was screwed. After that, the company usually "ghosted" me. I stopped following up, because even the enthusiastic and supportive recruiters and managers wouldn't talk to me.

It was very depressing. It was not my imagination. They really didn't want me, and they didn't care whether or not I knew it. No blowing sunshine up my butt, or stringing me along. They wanted me gone, ASAP.

The few companies that seemed interested, did so, on a pretty nasty footing. They made it clear that they would be doing me a huge favor, by offering me a job, and that I'd be treated like garbage, if I took it.

That was why I threw in the towel, and just decided to retire. I was more than willing to do a pretty awesome job, and take chances with risky companies, for a fairly low wage, but this did not seem to matter (indeed, it seldom even got to that point).

But it's all actually been for the best. Nowadays, I can't even imagine going back to the rat race (I liked that "Happiness" cartoon, that a previous post linked[0]).

It was very sick, and I never want to go back to that, ever again.

I want to work, and I do -harder than I ever have in my life, but I will not be treated like garbage, anymore. I know that it's a rare luxury, to have the means to quit, and I'm grateful.

[0] https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=e9dZQelULDk

THIS.

I've been watching a lot of the Shawn Ryan interviews lately. The first one I watched was Cody Alford. Dude was a marine scout sniper, then joined force recon. His first two deployments were in Fallujah - one was during the Operation Phantom Fury. He also survived being shot in the head (he had his helmet on) and retells that story.

In short, dude went through a ton of stuff mentally and physically which caused him to retire from the military early. A lot of what OP talks about, he experienced in the military as he rose in the ranks (he was the fastest marine to E8) and the last part of the interview is where he lays out how he got his sanity back, the role of psychedelics in his recovery and what he's doing now.

The interview is over 6 hours long, but it's an absolute whirlwind and it's really inspiring to me to see someone who's already lived multiple lives over the span of his short life, telling people to "die living" not the other way around. I know his perspective has made me change a lot of what I've been doing.

Cody Alford - Marine Raider/MARSOC Sniper Who Became a Nomad https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=fQbdKhNiPWY

From how you described, I think you're naturally interested in computers and servers, and will likely continue studying and experimenting anyway, even if it hasn't yet led to paying work. You can gain knowledge and experience through these side projects, and that can prepare a way for you to make a full career transition. I don't have any answers or advice, as I'm still trying to figure it out myself (currently in a fairly demotivated phase, looking for the next step up) - but I wish us all good luck in our endeavors. Personally, I believe you're on your way to becoming a tech wizard. The question is finding someone, maybe a smaller company/startup, who can recognize your value, talent, and potential.