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Write a note to your spouse every day

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Re: Write a note to your spouse every day

#181

Post by krageon »

the_gipsy wrote: post #171
insightcheck wrote: post #37

Earlier quoted context omitted.

The author is the founder, owner, and operator of a company, and from a quick view, is quite successful at his work. Plus, he is in a relationship where his partner is supportive of his dreams and long hours. And he has kids at the same time. That sounds like a great life to me. Not a lot of people get the opportunity, and not very many people can pull it off. I'm sure life will be more relaxed when the kids leave th…

> Plus, he is in a relationship where his partner is supportive of his dreams and long hours. The fact that he needs a servant-wife to be able to support his career is a red flag. Having so many children and spending so much time working also means he can't have meaningful relationships with all of them.

When one half of a relationship of two people does work you don't respect, that doesn't make them a servant. These are two human beings that have divided the work they have to do to live their life in this way. There's nothing wrong with that.

Re: Write a note to your spouse every day

#182

Post by Ntrails »

smt88 wrote: post #76
mamoriamohit wrote: post #13

I have had an opposite experience. Daily notes makes no difference. I was in a relationship for 2 years and have written a poem every day for 400 days straight to her. But it failed nevertheless. In fact, I was told by her that these notes put her in guilt. Weird. Gestures like these amplify whatever the relationship there is to start with. If there's a lot of love, they amplify it. If there's a lot of lack of commit…

> have written a poem every day for 400 days straight to her I'm sure this was a painful lesson to learn, but I hope you took the right thing away from it. No healthy relationship is going to include 400 daily poems. It makes it seem like the subject of the poems is being put on a pedestal and idealized, not perceived as a real person with flaws. It comes across as obsessive and, perhaps, insincere -- how can someone…

> No healthy relationship is going to include 400 daily poems.

A bold and absolutist claim. The GPs relationship was clearly not healthy, but the idea that no healthy relationship could exist where there is a daily poem is kinda ridiculous?

Re: Write a note to your spouse every day

#183

Post by bregma »

mihaaly wrote: post #126
insightcheck wrote: post #37

Earlier quoted context omitted.

The author is the founder, owner, and operator of a company, and from a quick view, is quite successful at his work. Plus, he is in a relationship where his partner is supportive of his dreams and long hours. And he has kids at the same time. That sounds like a great life to me. Not a lot of people get the opportunity, and not very many people can pull it off. I'm sure life will be more relaxed when the kids leave th…

When there is no time for important things that does not sound like a great life (to me of course). Is that company that important? Did we loose the ability to get enough to live and we live to get enough instead?

If you have ever had children, you know they become 100% of your life and 110% of your time for the first year or so, and with multiple children that could stretch to several years.

I guess if that interferes with your immediate hedonistic needs you would just get rid of the children? Maybe just dump them on someone else whose time is less self-importantly valuable?

It's the same with running a startup. You make the choice to commit, you follow through, and in the long run you reap the rewards and live a fuller, better life.

Re: Write a note to your spouse every day

#184

Post by [deleted] »

eertami wrote: post #142
maest wrote: post #134

Earlier quoted context omitted.

I think the author thinks they have to have kids as instructed by the bible: "As human beings, our primary mission in life is to be fruitful and multiply, and take dominion over the earth. If that sounds like Bible talk, it is. This is the creed God gave to Adam and Eve. Genesis 1:28. That’s our responsibility as human beings." https://jdnoc.com/guides/increasing-wealth-as-a-father

The linked article has quite a few cracks that show, but this is just straight up ramblings of a crazy person. Is this the sad outcome for people who don't know how to write but get addicted to "hustle" influencers and SEO scams? Also none of this sounds at all Christian.

[deleted]

Re: Write a note to your spouse every day

#186

Post by krageon »

NotTameAntelope wrote: post #23
xupybd wrote: post #19

Earlier quoted context omitted.

Marriage takes work, lots of work. The reward in my experience is totally worth it. You have to lay down part of your life for the new life that you experience with your spouse and children. The individual you once were is now part of a family and no longer exists as an individual. You serve your family and they serve you back. For me the amount I give of myself is much less than I receive back from the marriage / fa…

Eh, it doesn’t feel like work for me. I really enjoy my partner, she enjoys me, and I don’t think we have to do very much “work” to maintain that. If I started writing literal daily notes to my wife, she’d be very concerned something was wrong. Then she’d ask why I’m wasting my time writing a note when I could have done… literally annoying else more productive lol

It is nice, I guess you are fortunate to have a relationship that basically maintains itself. For most people, proper communication and keeping a commitment to open up emotionally when you need to is work.

Re: Write a note to your spouse every day

#187

Post by mempko »

nlnn wrote: post #151
mamoriamohit wrote: post #13

I have had an opposite experience. Daily notes makes no difference. I was in a relationship for 2 years and have written a poem every day for 400 days straight to her. But it failed nevertheless. In fact, I was told by her that these notes put her in guilt. Weird. Gestures like these amplify whatever the relationship there is to start with. If there's a lot of love, they amplify it. If there's a lot of lack of commit…

Obviously it's not quite the same thing, but reminds me of an old neighbour we had. She used to love baking, and would bring round cakes/pastries/bread for us all the time. It was really nice at first, but also made us feel very awkward/bad that we didn't reciprocate (neither of us really cook much), even though we'd never asked for the cakes. Eventually we had to ask her to stop, since we just didn't want to eat tha…

Debts are what bind neighbors and communities together. You felt bad because you were in debt to her giving but didn't want to have a relationship with that person by reciprocating. Often, the worst thing you can do in relationships is to get out of debt. Debts are a reason for people to see each other. By telling that person to 'stop baking', you told them essentially 'i don't want to have a relationship with you'. (see Debt, the first 500 years by David Graeber)

Re: Write a note to your spouse every day

#188

Post by astura »

thinkingemote wrote: post #138
carom wrote: post #135

Earlier quoted context omitted.

This is probably the most abjectly negative comment section I've seen on HN. Really reddit-tier comments coming from some well aged accounts.

The submission is classic Reddit typical, to be fair. So one should expect a HN user to respond appropriately. I expect the submission to be flagged or at least not be visible on the front page in a couple of hours.

Yeah, who wants to take life advice from someone who describes themselves like this - "I’m an Indiehacker with a goal to teach others what I know about niche products, SEO, and making money online."? Certainly not me.

The whole idea of communicating via notes rubs me the wrong way because the only people who ever tried to do it with me were toxic, manipulative, and didn't care about me as a person. My healthy relationships communicate face-to-face.

Re: Write a note to your spouse every day

#189

Post by jollyllama »

nlnn wrote: post #151
mamoriamohit wrote: post #13

I have had an opposite experience. Daily notes makes no difference. I was in a relationship for 2 years and have written a poem every day for 400 days straight to her. But it failed nevertheless. In fact, I was told by her that these notes put her in guilt. Weird. Gestures like these amplify whatever the relationship there is to start with. If there's a lot of love, they amplify it. If there's a lot of lack of commit…

Obviously it's not quite the same thing, but reminds me of an old neighbour we had. She used to love baking, and would bring round cakes/pastries/bread for us all the time. It was really nice at first, but also made us feel very awkward/bad that we didn't reciprocate (neither of us really cook much), even though we'd never asked for the cakes. Eventually we had to ask her to stop, since we just didn't want to eat tha…

The baking thing is real. People think they're helping you by loading you down with carbs and sugar. It's like someone buying you drinks - no, asking you to drink another round of his homebrewed beer - when you've already had enough. Upon reflection here, I think the best thing to do is probably to say "great, I'll eat this later" and feed it to the wild beasts.

Re: Write a note to your spouse every day

#190

Post by windowsrookie »

watwut wrote: post #101
throw03172019 wrote: post #92

Earlier quoted context omitted.

Now imagine doing that with two minimum wage jobs. That is true hell.

That is impossible. Kids this small require childcare and minimum vage job does not pay for one. With such small salaries, one of them has to be home.

I work in the restaurant industry and I can assure you it is not impossible because millions of Americans are doing it. Most of the time the child ends up with the grandparents while the parents work. That is if the grandparents are not working...
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